Hi, I was a Christian for over twenty years before the seeds of my deconverstion were sown. I began an intensive introspection into the history and psychological nature of religion over 2 years ago about eight years after I began having my initial doubts. It was a difficult process and what I gleaned at first utterly shocked me and shook me to my core. Feeling confused, hurt, alone and betrayed I stopped studying this material because it had already pierced my intellect and spoke to my reason that all of my deepest held beliefs were nothing more than a simulacrum and it hurt too much to think about. After just putting this to the back of my mind for several months I decided to delve even further into the true history, psychology and nature of human evolution, human emotional evolution, biblical history, religious history and the sciences and through this study I am now unquestionably an atheist. All of my family and friends/acquaintances are either practicing Christians or invoke the name of Yahweh when in deep moments of distress and think that "atheists are of the devil and evil" so unfortunately I'm pretty sequestered for professing what I believe in my heart of hearts to be true. In fact I'm in the middle of reading "The God Virus" currently and the more I read into the book the more disgusted with religion of any kind I become! This journey of deconversion has been stranger than fiction, life and mind altering and something that never seemed conceivable to me in my younger, more formative years, yet through all of the mental anguish I feel like I've fed my mind that which it craved most, the truth. I can honestly and unabashedly state that I don't know how we or the universe came into being (although science's theories are infinitely more plausible than religions) or what happens to us when our life ends (probably just finality, no afterlife or "spiritual release") but since devoting myself to what I deem now as my "Atheistic studies" such as watching amazing shows as "The Atheist Experience" or the awesome atheist channels on youtube or reading great books debunking religion and espousing the rationality of science I feel strangely more alive and immersed in the universe than ever before and I'd love to hear about your journey. Thanks so much.
I became an atheist in 3 months. I was a "real Christian" for 12 years, but groomed for it as a child before that. I became a Christian mainly (I think) because of AA and the 12 step program, along with people I was acquainted with in college, particularly my roommate for the first 2 years. I willed my way into sobriety by clenching my fists and weilding into my own deluded
existence a God who "saved" me. I did need saving afterall.
I have now discovered (unfortunately) that I am just as broken now as I was when I was downing a bottle of JD every night. The only difference is I remember what I did the night before, and I don't have to apologize to people for stupid shit nearly as often. But I am still a pretty crazy chica. I don't think I will ever be completely sane, but I am at least realistic now and I don't pretend to be blind to the truth.
I don't care who knows my business if it will help someone out there like me. When you got nothin' you got nothin' to lose. That's the Truth. I'm grateful to have found the truth young enough in my life to do something about it. Now I live for my son. I'll be damned if he suffers what I've gone through. He's going to be raised as a freethinker. He is part of my legacy to this world. It's not all in vain.
.....Suffice it to say...my deconversion was FAST
We like crazy chicas
No regrets though
Hey Belle, thank you so much for sharing. I'm really sorry you feel broken, it's great that you have your son and are passing on a worthy legacy to him. I enjoyed the like a rolling stone quote you threw in there ;).
Thanks Jason! The feelings of brokenness have passed now and life is beautiful. We all have our ups and downs...but I don't know if I thoroughly answered your question now that I think about it. I had a bout of sadness that lost my focus.
To tell you the truth I became and atheist from Think Atheist. I joined last fall as a Christian and was just really curious about it all. I started asking questions and debating people on my faith and realized not too far into it that I was the one who was wrong. It threw me for a loop! I left the forum for a while to take care of business, but continued my journey...now I'm free and despite my first comment on this post, I am actually the happiest I've ever been. The weight of the world has lifted and life makes sense for the first time ever! I've managed to rid my life of everything and everyone who ever dragged me down. Now I'm just dealing with the aftermath of declaring freedom which also means I am now alone. It's a new normal that I'm not totally used to yet. It means I have no one to depend on really. The avatars on this forum are all I have which is pretty pathetic, but the avatars don't lie.
You're an inspiration
Simon you're so sweet, you know that?
I'm so glad to read that it has Belle! It's actually very sad indeed that most people, even those who hardly ever attend church or live a life of religious piety are so disgusted and terrified of atheists!! I think that admitting to myself that religion is man made and therefore constructed upon a lie and then deciding for myself that the existence of any kind of supernatural diety is highly unlikely has caused to to want to become a better and more moral person just to show that morality is something that is independent of religion and I'm not a monster now, lol. And yeah, once I really began studying the history of religion and it's origins it didn't take long for it to convince me that my previously held beliefs were false. Seeing as how I live in the deep south bible belt and I'm a non believer I have plenty of free time on my hands now, lol. Feel free to message me anytime if you'd like. I'm a decent avatar, lol.
I think that all that matters is the end result, we all take a different road to it. Lol, when I first realized that my lifelong beliefs were all wrong I turned pale, shook a lil and said "Oh dear god!" looking back on it I laugh now because like you I've freed my mind up to think instead of "believe" in a concept that is paper thin as far as rationality is concerned, if that!!
To answer your side question, yes I do pyramid training and just love living the fitness lifestyle. When it dawned on me that this is the only body I'll ever have and these precious few days on Earth are all I'll ever know or feel I really amped up my workouts and overhauled my diet in an attempt to be as healthy and happy as I can be since I won't be receiving that "perfect body" or "troubleless mind" upon entering the "holy gates" lol.
I think that all that matters is the end result, we all take a different road to it.
That is very true...
I really amped up my workouts and overhauled my diet in an attempt to be as healthy and happy as I can be since I won't be receiving that "perfect body" or "troubleless mind" upon entering the "holy gates" lol.
You should add these to your work out. (that is if you don't already do them.)
Thanks for the vid link.. Those are really challenging, they'll make you wanna drop to your knees and say no more, lol.