There are certain people we will encounter in our lives who will just get at our core anger.

 

I really need help here because I want so badly to make her life miserable and I know that this would only make me look bad.  I feel I have already made a fool of myself and frankly I do not want to think about it anymore.  I just want to forget about this person and go on. 

 

The story:

Last summer my husband and I were going to our neighborhood tennis courts, while driving there I was eating a lovely freestone peach.  It was extraordinarily yummy, however at the end there is this pit right and as I exited the car I tossed the pit into a pile of leaves at the edge of a fence.  I do not agree with disposing of all biodegradable materials in plastic bags that will fill up land fills.  The pit would be properly cleaned by ants and if we are lucky perhaps a tree will grow.  But no, across the way there was a woman who decided it was her neighborly duty to point out that I was littering.  She yelled "That is not very nice." and I said, "No worries it is only a peach pit."  At which point she said "It doesn't matter you are still littering."   I explained that a peach pit is biodegradable and that she should not worry herself over this, was not her business anyway.  Well she decided to get even more unpleasant and I decided to get in her face and try and explain what biodegradable means and then I suggested she take more walks.  I was not very nice at this time and frankly I am not proud of myself.  She told me she was going to call the police and I asked her what her complaint would be if she did call them.  She then said that she was going to report me for littering.  I then handed her my cell phone and told her to go ahead.  She took the phone and then handed it back to me and stalked off.  Thinking this would be the end of it my husband and I had a hearty conversation about the obvious ignorance of some people and started playing tennis.  

 

About ten minutes later two patrol cars roll up with four officers and they approached the fence.  The lady never returned to the scene to meet with the police and when they showed up they asked what the problem was and I confessed that I had thrown a peach pit into a pile of leaves.  They looked disgusted and asked where the person who made the call was and I shrugged my shoulders and suggested that she was hiding at home.  They left and we continued with our game.  I was a bit miffed at this point because she was surely abusing 911 for such a silly thing.

 

Okay so today we show up at the tennis courts and there she is again.  My husband got out of the car and she asked him if he was a resident and my husband then replied yes and then I got out of the car and asked her the same thing and she went off like a bomb and shouted.  "I am the president of the Home Owners Association!"  I said, "Oh yeah, you are that, whats her name?"  I was not being nice here because she is just into making a scene.  I think she enjoys this kind of thing.  Power tripping and all.  Okay so I got in her face and told her a few choice things and she told me she was going to have me banned from the common areas.  I told her that she was welcome to do so, I can handle it.  

 

Frankly I can't handle it.  She is a confrontational moron and she has a reputation for being a bitch and how she got elected HOA president is beyond me.  Her husband or someone living at her house owns a lawn care business and displays his signs  very prominently in her yard for advertisement which is in violation of the covenant.  I do not really care about this I would normally allow them enough time to hang themselves with their own ropes and that is what I would like to do in this case.  So I need some moral support here please.

 

I have mentioned this to two other people who live in the neighborhood and they just smile and say..'Oh that is just the way she is."  You can't change her.  Well I don't want to change her I just don't want to be accosted when I go to the tennis courts.  

 

I do not feel like being nice to this person, I am a generally good person.  I do not work,so I volunteer at the school and the animal shelter and I pretty much keep a low profile and mind my own business.  I hate to be dragged into a petty neighborhood bitch fest but this woman has gotten under my skin. Any advice?

 

Tags: conflicts, neighbors, personality

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That's "my roommate and I".   lol
I don't think anyone wants you to put each peach pit into a separate plastic bag. Living in a community (HOA rants aside) has many advantages. But one of the prices we pay is that we have to control and dispose of our waste. That said, anyone who goes that overboard about a single peach pit is a truly pitiable person. Nonetheless I'd be inclined to get even, too. I think you should concentrate on the billboards on the front lawn. It's a far more flagrant violation of community standards than a single peach pit.

"pit"iable

 

nice

The issue here is not about littering.  It's about disproportionate response and abuse of authority.  These issues ARE matters of concern -- especially in comparison to tossing a peach pit into leaves that would (ostensibly) be raked up anyway.

If the woman didn't have actual authority and power in the community, then she could be ignored as a hypocritical simpleton.  But, given her power, she should definitely be reined in if not completely stripped of authority -- especially since it's been indicated that the woman is known for her abuses.
well put [Like]
Yep.

Wow, and I thought my neighbor was slap ass crazy for screaming and cussing and coming at me when I was walking my dog and he saw my dog pee in his neighbor's yard. I do not let my dogs pee anywhere, where, I do not have permission from the yard owner. I know exactly where my dogs are allowed to pee or not when I walk them. I said I was sorry and walked away only because he was a big, fat, crazy, disheveled looking scary man. 

 

Otherwise, I would have probably told him to fuck the hell off, mind his own goddamn business, and bite me (but in an conversational tone of voice because that's the way I like to talk to people like that).

 

You win. Good luck. You are going to need it.  Some people are A-holes and there is not much you will ever be able to do about it.

 

Anyone who would call the police over a fucking peach pit needs therapy. Maybe it will make you feel better to know that usually, people like that are very unhappy and in need of therapy.

My adice would be to "kill" her with politness. Next time you go to the park to play tennis and you see her,wave at her,smile and say hello, mention the Nice weather.... and move on. This will really,really piss her off,because as you analized it very well she does take pleasure in confrontation. You will also feel much better and relaxed about the whole silly incident.
Bring your video camera and share her stupidity with the world.

If you answer a fool according to his folly, you will be like him.  Instead, answer a fool as his folly deserves and he has no chance of seeing himself as the wise one in the situation.  

 

If one humbles oneself, he will find an open door to peace with others, but if one stands proudly in circumstance, he will surely be opposed and the door to peace will closed, locked and fortified.  

 

If you want the situation to be resolved peacefully and maybe even gain the utmost respect and favor of the President of your homeowners' association, I would encourage you to, in your heart and mind: 1) forgive her for her ignorance and ridiculousness, 2) forget about who is right and who is wrong and then 3) humble yourself in the situation and seek reconciliation.  This could look like a small gift, flowers, cookies, a nice card asking her to forgive you and saying that you didn't realize she felt so strongly and that it will not happen again...maybe even suggest how impressed you are in her dedication and diligence regarding your 'hood.  Or maybe an act of service after identifying a need she may have...I am sure you can think of something appropriate :)  

 

I didn't say this suggestion would be easy, but it is sure to work.  I confidently say this because I have utilized this process many times in my relationships and even though it is tough, it always goes really well.   

 

Recap:

1) Forgive the offender

2) Forget who is right/wrong

3) Stand accountable for my part

4) Decide what I could do different given a similar situation in the future

5) Actively seek forgiveness from other party while sharing with them my level of accountability, my plan to see that it won't happen again, and a loving peace offering to show I are serious.

 

If this process is executed with a genuine heart, the interaction will be free from anger, hatred, and accusation from you and the other party will sense your sincerity.  The results are amazing and life changing.  

 

My $0.02...

Leave it or take it...no worries and good luck!  :)

 

 

It is always hard to admit when one is wrong and yes I agree we were both wrong in this. And all of your comments have helped a great deal and I thank you. I most likely will just try to keep my distance from this person, because according to the general opinion in the neighborhood she is pretty difficult. I do not feel like sending her flowers or cookies because I feel they will only reinforce her feeling of omnipotence and we do not need that at this time.

My primary problem with this was that she really got under my skin. I generally do not allow this to happen but sometimes there are certain people whom I meet who will do this to me and I would love to sort out what it is about them that does this. I have always been known to greet everyone I meet with a smile and I am always open to conversation and listening. I love meeting new people and learning about them and their lives.

I was pretty perplexed first by her over the top action and second by my own over the top reaction. Most of us do not encounter such things on a daily basis and I suspect that I was just taken aback and had no other feeling except anger. I do not like getting angry it makes me dizzy and I feel like I am going to pass out. It makes me shaky for a long time after. One good thing did happen from all of this, it made me incredibly focused and I played a great game of tennis. :)
Bake her a peach cobbler and leave the pits in...

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Posted by Quincy Maxwell on July 20, 2014 at 9:37pm 25 Comments

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