There are certain people we will encounter in our lives who will just get at our core anger.


I really need help here because I want so badly to make her life miserable and I know that this would only make me look bad.  I feel I have already made a fool of myself and frankly I do not want to think about it anymore.  I just want to forget about this person and go on. 


The story:

Last summer my husband and I were going to our neighborhood tennis courts, while driving there I was eating a lovely freestone peach.  It was extraordinarily yummy, however at the end there is this pit right and as I exited the car I tossed the pit into a pile of leaves at the edge of a fence.  I do not agree with disposing of all biodegradable materials in plastic bags that will fill up land fills.  The pit would be properly cleaned by ants and if we are lucky perhaps a tree will grow.  But no, across the way there was a woman who decided it was her neighborly duty to point out that I was littering.  She yelled "That is not very nice." and I said, "No worries it is only a peach pit."  At which point she said "It doesn't matter you are still littering."   I explained that a peach pit is biodegradable and that she should not worry herself over this, was not her business anyway.  Well she decided to get even more unpleasant and I decided to get in her face and try and explain what biodegradable means and then I suggested she take more walks.  I was not very nice at this time and frankly I am not proud of myself.  She told me she was going to call the police and I asked her what her complaint would be if she did call them.  She then said that she was going to report me for littering.  I then handed her my cell phone and told her to go ahead.  She took the phone and then handed it back to me and stalked off.  Thinking this would be the end of it my husband and I had a hearty conversation about the obvious ignorance of some people and started playing tennis.  


About ten minutes later two patrol cars roll up with four officers and they approached the fence.  The lady never returned to the scene to meet with the police and when they showed up they asked what the problem was and I confessed that I had thrown a peach pit into a pile of leaves.  They looked disgusted and asked where the person who made the call was and I shrugged my shoulders and suggested that she was hiding at home.  They left and we continued with our game.  I was a bit miffed at this point because she was surely abusing 911 for such a silly thing.


Okay so today we show up at the tennis courts and there she is again.  My husband got out of the car and she asked him if he was a resident and my husband then replied yes and then I got out of the car and asked her the same thing and she went off like a bomb and shouted.  "I am the president of the Home Owners Association!"  I said, "Oh yeah, you are that, whats her name?"  I was not being nice here because she is just into making a scene.  I think she enjoys this kind of thing.  Power tripping and all.  Okay so I got in her face and told her a few choice things and she told me she was going to have me banned from the common areas.  I told her that she was welcome to do so, I can handle it.  


Frankly I can't handle it.  She is a confrontational moron and she has a reputation for being a bitch and how she got elected HOA president is beyond me.  Her husband or someone living at her house owns a lawn care business and displays his signs  very prominently in her yard for advertisement which is in violation of the covenant.  I do not really care about this I would normally allow them enough time to hang themselves with their own ropes and that is what I would like to do in this case.  So I need some moral support here please.


I have mentioned this to two other people who live in the neighborhood and they just smile and say..'Oh that is just the way she is."  You can't change her.  Well I don't want to change her I just don't want to be accosted when I go to the tennis courts.  


I do not feel like being nice to this person, I am a generally good person.  I do not work,so I volunteer at the school and the animal shelter and I pretty much keep a low profile and mind my own business.  I hate to be dragged into a petty neighborhood bitch fest but this woman has gotten under my skin. Any advice?


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Aimee, sorry to hear about your unneccesary and foolish drama.  I have no authority, moral or otherwise, to advise you, but you asked.  In my personal experience this type of person is one of the most impossible people to deal with.  You're friends are right, she will never change.  Also, you will never win a long drawn out conflict with this sociopath.  She has deep seeded problems that have nothing to do with you that give her unlimited amounts of misguided self-rightousness and vitriol.  If you put that much energy into making her life miserable, which is probably impossible (she already is), you will only feel bad about yourself and you will look like an ass to others, not be celebrated as the neighborhood badass who melted the wicked witch.  I usually just try to kill these people with kindness, but making sure not to come off completely sincere, just enough to keep them wondering.  One more thing, if you apologize for the nasty things you said you will surely have taken the high road, you might just have to agree to disagree about the peach pit.  I hope this situation hasn't ruined your taste for peaches!

I do security for a college residence and dealing with drama has become an area of expertise for me and believe me its not worth worrying about. Ask her politely to leave you alone and if she continues to harass you simply call the police. She will get over it.
I hope you don't get a restraining order! That's just ridiculous! You and her were both wrong. Yeah, she started it, but you lashed out at her too... Move on, forget about it. I'm just going to roll my eyes and move on, too.


You are apparently a robot that wouldn't argue back if confronted with such idiocy. FFS

Being a robot would be pretty nice, haha... And you know what? I probably would have reacted the same way Aimee did! And I have reacted that way before. But I know that it isn't the best way to solve conflict because, as we can see here, the conflict ins't really over. Normally I just feel like a twat when I lash out at people. So, I'm not being a hypocrite. I'm just an objective observer that has experienced this before. She asked for help with the situation, not people to tell her she was right. There are two sides to every story and in this case, neither side looks very pleasant.
Sounds to me like she's baiting you (and prolly does everyone else, too) and you're falling for it. On all your subsequent visits, try this: don't look at her, don't talk to her, don't agknowledge her presence even if she hits you with a train. Pretend she's invisible. Her behavior may escalate, but then suddenly it will stop. It will stop because she's not getting the reaction she wants.
next time take other people with you and call the cop when she begins to dissterve the peace and if she touches you hit her and tell the cops she was trying to hurt you. as a volinter fire man i can tell you the cops most certinly allready know her by her first name and most likey dont like her eather
I'd attend more association meetings and, perhaps, find others she has abused her authority with.  Then I'd do my best to rally votes against her re-election.  Pettiness and vindictiveness should not be tolerated from people with power over your neighborhood.
If this lady of high social standing confronts you again, wait until she slows down (I'll assume she has to breathe at some point) then inform her that she is missing an excellent opportunity to shut the f*&^%k up.
lol, well said sir.
Thanks Doc!! :) I have done some soul searching myself and yours and everyone else's advice has been very helpful. When I meet someone I do not know or only know as an acquaintance my first reaction is to be open first and then close if they give me reason. Some people are the opposite, they are awful up front and
Many seem to be against HOA's. The deal is that it's governed by the people. The thing to do is to actually read the rules before you purchase. Our neighborhood would be a hood if it wasn't for the HOA. I've never been ticketed or felt pressured in 6 years. There is no street parking (narrow streets) and frankly if it wasn't that way, people would park on the sidewalks as if no one uses them and they are for cars. We have parking areas in the neighborhood and without teeth, no one would use them. Tow a vehicle and bitches start listening. Barking dogs, all night  A couple of $50 fines seems to do the trick for these people that own dogs whom don't seem to care about them or the rest of us. Lawn care is a problem. Not the single weed or it's 6 inches high. By April when the lawns of renters are 18 inches high, notices go out with fines to follow. Had a 6 bedroom house rented out to 5 young guys whom played poker for a living. The party would start at 1 AM and go until 5 AM any given night. When the homeowner got a $4k bill, the problem took care of itself. Without a HOA, all of these things would be a problem, and I live in one of the highest income per household cities in Washington. Love my HOA. Cheap, deals with the laziness so I don't have to feel like a douche for asking you to shut your dog up at 11:30 at night.


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