The drive to procreate is a strong one. I'm 33 and finding that the majority of the last several years of my life it has been on my mind in some way, shape, or form. Especially over the last 3 years.
Logically, I know it's stupid. I'm poor, and i already have one mouth to feed. I would be selfish to get pregnant. But it's not even a matter of my feelings. It's what my body is telling me to do. It's driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!
It's something I have wanted to discuss in the past but for whatever reason just haven't brought it up. I thought that the people here would shame me. Particularly because I am a student of sustainable practices, and environmental technologies, and I UNDERSTAND - probably better than most - the reprocussions of bringing a human being on to this planet. I understand that it's stupid.
I've lately started to even feel pressure from my son, asking about a brother/sister. It only adds to my desire. I had thought I would adopt. I may still and I still like the idea. But at the end of the day, my body is telling me to have a baby.
I'm single, and I know the cost of childcare. Having another child would pretty much secure me in poverty. Most likely. And I'm not in a hurry to bring a man into our lives. I just want a baby.
So....I suppose this is one of those evolution things to work through. But how? How do I turn this off inside of me when it seems to actually be hurting me to keep trying to suppress it? I actually think in a lot of ways I would benefit health-wise from getting pregnant.
I don't know really what the point of this post is other than to vent my frustration with this and see if other women have gone through the same thing....
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But he did ignore your "No."
I think I need to talk to my counselor about it. I am thoroughly confused. I thought I knew what I was doing, and why, but the more I discuss it, I realize that's not necessarily true. I regret it a lot, and now I'm just biding my time for the next 2 weeks until I can reliably take that test to see if it's positive or negative. I really really hope by some sort of miracle that it's negative. I'm so fucking stupid.
I'm so fucking stupid.
Naw, Belle, imagine someone else in your shoes... and be nice to them, and positive.
I think whether it's psychological or biological is a very important distinction for me to make. I think I'm still trying to come to terms with some things. That under no circumstance is a good reason to keep a baby that's produced from my stupid decision.
Have you noticed if you feel this way more often when you're the most fertile? There is some biology behind that. But as people point out (and I agree), it's difficult to conclusively separate biology from psychology. Just by nature, we evolved with intellect/psychology that often has to lock horns with biology and biological urges. If you're a fertile fucker (I just made that term up), even that doesn't really prove anything, but could still help you understand yourself better.
Do you think you might be able to pencil in guys like this during fertile days on a calendar?
(I know it's funny, but I'm only halfway joking.)