The drive to procreate is a strong one. I'm 33 and finding that the majority of the last several years of my life it has been on my mind in some way, shape, or form. Especially over the last 3 years.
Logically, I know it's stupid. I'm poor, and i already have one mouth to feed. I would be selfish to get pregnant. But it's not even a matter of my feelings. It's what my body is telling me to do. It's driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!
It's something I have wanted to discuss in the past but for whatever reason just haven't brought it up. I thought that the people here would shame me. Particularly because I am a student of sustainable practices, and environmental technologies, and I UNDERSTAND - probably better than most - the reprocussions of bringing a human being on to this planet. I understand that it's stupid.
I've lately started to even feel pressure from my son, asking about a brother/sister. It only adds to my desire. I had thought I would adopt. I may still and I still like the idea. But at the end of the day, my body is telling me to have a baby.
I'm single, and I know the cost of childcare. Having another child would pretty much secure me in poverty. Most likely. And I'm not in a hurry to bring a man into our lives. I just want a baby.
So....I suppose this is one of those evolution things to work through. But how? How do I turn this off inside of me when it seems to actually be hurting me to keep trying to suppress it? I actually think in a lot of ways I would benefit health-wise from getting pregnant.
I don't know really what the point of this post is other than to vent my frustration with this and see if other women have gone through the same thing....
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Of course Rocky, everyone is entitled to an opinion...I just have found that the general opinion on this subject is very much against the mother to be in circumstances like mine. I value everyone's opinion here which is why I posted the discussion. I just like to ask more questions than there are answers sometimes and continue to be curious....
Hi Belle, My mum decided to have a second child in much the same way that you are considering now. At the time, she had a fairly secure (Australian, circa 1992) government job which she went back to after the birth. This left my brother and I in child care and school most of the day, 5 days a week, from a very early age. Weekends were spent rubbing our remaining 2 cents together after paying for mortgage, bills, and food. It's difficult to overstate the difficulties of a single parent with just enough income to sustain the family. I hope you get what I'm saying here... I have a feeling you will.
Women absolutely have the right to choose, but that right comes with the responsibility to live with the outcome. It's easy to see that the worst case outcome is pretty grim. It's up to you to weigh the risks and benefits and come to your own decision.
I wouldn't be here if my mother's first baby hadn't been stillborn.
One can go on and on thinking about shit like this. It's overthinking.
BTW, I got the same first name as the one my parents intended for the dead baby.
@Matt.Clerke I am honestly curious....
Do you think your own quality of life and happiness growing up would have been better if you had instead been an only child?
Do you think your Mom made the right decision to have your brother? Or do you think she was selfish?
Do you think that having a sibling has made you a better person?
Do you think you would have been happy as a single child?
Do you think your mother is happy with her decision to have 2 children despite the financial strain?
Do you think she would take it back if she could?
I'm asking honestly. Since you are a child in the situation my own son would potentially be in as an older brother to a younger brother/sister, I genuinely value your opinion and insight into this issue...
I have not made any final plans, decisions, or anything. I'm still confused by my own crazy emotions and overwhelmed with trying to understand what's happened.
I'm just interested as always to get other perspectives....
My daughter say she wishes she had had a brother or sister, but that's easy to say when you haven't had to share your parents' attention with a sibling or siblings.
In many ways, she was safer from many of the temptations that befell some of her classmates because she had two parents who ALWAYS knew where she was and what she was doing with one exception.
One day we got a call from school asking if one of us had really called in a sick day. We hadn't. So her mom left a note on her locker telling her to go straight home after school (instead of to swim practice. She had taken a hooky day to take a drive to the coast with some of her buddies.
I got home after work first and she said, "I'm in big trouble, aren't I?" I just said "We'll talk when mom gets home." She never misbehaved again.
Hey Belle, I have this problem sometimes trivializing a problem or two that you have, because I almost always feel you're smart and strong enough to take care of whatever you need to take care of. There were a couple times when I worried, and that was when you talked about falling for men that turn into trouble. (Hence my careless humor about finding a good man, or rather, putting yourself out into enough exposure, e.g. with a face in addition to the passion, intelligence, and savvy that you show here.) I happen to think that the female side of humanity is better for our world in these days of large power over civilization mostly in the hands of men, but there are still a lot of good men out there, and I'll bet you can find ways to make yourself more well known to them, even before you meet them. Be more public, somehow.
So the other thing I'd keep priority on is the environment for your kid or kids, not just having a father necessarily, but having good friends and activities. That also means having to monitor them closely, fairly often, to make sure they're not spending time with "bad" friends, or highly stressed kids and families in the neighborhood. I did this with my daughters, and felt guilty every time, because they happened to know how to pick the best, great friends to be with, without our help. Although we still had ways of encouraging them to spend time with those good friends.
That's pretty much it. Some of it's repeat, and some of it I've already said over the past year or two.
I don't see much science in that article.
Wait a sec...?
A psychological urge can feel like a biological urge.
But first get a partner.
"I'm not in a hurry to bring a man into our lives. "
Ok, don't. Get a female partner - not a romantic partner - a life partner - maybe another female in a similar position - wants a(nother) baby.
This would give both of you the flexibility and earning power to handle more children.
Hell, now you can even get married and accrue lots of other benefits.
Just be careful choosing a donor. :-)
The world doesn't need more people, but it surely needs more love.
Pretty much what Mike Long said. Do it...and do it when you have a solid loving dedicated partner. Easier said than done. But you know what I mean.