I would like to hear about your final service....

I recall my last mass. I was absent for many years and felt like "something was missing". I didn't even realize I had become an atheist. As I stepped through the threshold, dipped my hand in the holy water and signed the cross, the familiar scent of incense, the soft droning organ music and the loud echo of the occasional cough brought back a flood of memories from being raised as a catholic school boy.

I sat there, my biggest concern that I had forgotten the apostles' creed, and would be "caught". Or that I would stand instead of kneel. The lady next to me smiled at me and was a great singer. Sometimes I think people who sing well really enjoy church more.

However, suddenly I started thinking "this is such bullshit". With each phrase from the priest and sheep-borg response I started to be repulsed. I no longer belonged. I felt like a fake, about to gag. At some point the priest mentioned how the parking lot needed repair and then the basket came around again, and I was like "really? why do you assholes send the fucking basket around twice". Oh yeah. I had changed. I started looking at the deceived flock around me. I had become a contemptuous observer instead of a willing participant. I looked at the twenty foot blonde-haired jesus nailed to his cross and thought, big fucking deal, my own grandmother suffered way more than you.

As I got in my car, I knew that was the last time.

Tags: church, going, to

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You're right, of course.  Don't get me going on Diana, or I'll go all freaky ;like I did when I was 30.  

Last week?

For me my last service was quite recently. I belonged to a non-denominational fundamentalist Christian cult or church if you prefer. The way our services worked is you have about an hour of worship and praise music and an hour of preaching. This all happens after the half hour to hour of fellowship BEFORE the service. I remember looking around and thinking "not one of the congregation ever really thinks for themselves." And the preacher who seems to suffer from Tourette's Syndrome when he's preaching and is inexplicably forced to blurt out "Hallelujah" every other sentence or so. I remember wondering if these people knew how ridiculous they looked with their hands raised up with their eyes closed like their ready to receive some magical power. It's at that point I knew I was done.

I'd been researching the origins of the bible for a while before that. I even engaged our resident apologetics guy for lively discussion where as it turns out unbeknownst to me but I guess knownst to everyone else I'm being controlled by the boogie man. Or as they know him satan... But back to the show...

So as everyone is getting into their "Jesus Groove" I was standing there just shaking my head and thinking that these people are intellectually useless. And I also thought if there really is a God it probably thinks these guys are a bunch of assholes. That's when I started to get mad. It occurred to me right at that moment that I'd wasted so much of my life with all this bullshit and I vowed not to waste a moment more I picked up my stuff and walked right out in the middle of the sermon leaving my bible and deception behind me.
Wow sorry for so many composition errors smartphones suck for anything longer then a sentence or two....

I love that last sentence. 

Feeling any different, Diane?

Yes.  I feel taller and a bit lurky.

Hey, DN,

Come back over, and we can get the tape measure out!

Oh man, they probably stopped and stared at each other as the door shut behind you. I really need to "witness" a fundie show sometime.

It would be a fun experiment for you. Go get "saved" sometime I can't go back just yet. A mix between anger and loathing (but not in Vegas sadly).

Speaking of "fun experiments," I just got an email ad from "Christian Mingle" - whadaya think?

The idea of mingling christians has a certain appeal

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