In the ask Dr. Bob thread, there was much academic discussion of damage caused by pedophilia. I thought I should give an additional viewpoint.

There is a man, let's call him Phyllis, who had four children with his wife and then they had an ugly divorce. In the settlement, she got full custody of the kids and Phyllis had them for a weekend twice a month, and two weeks in the summer. Phyllis had a job as an over the road truck driver and made a good buck, so he kept up with the child support. I married Phyllis' ex-wife six years after they split up.

He also took the kids to Catholic church in the small town he lived in every time he had them and was very active in his church. He moved in with his mom after the divorce and kept seeing the "other woman", let's call her Zelda, who inspired the divorce in the first place. She had 3 kids of her own. Phyllis and Zelda were dating for 8 years, and finally decided to get a house together.   

About 2 months after they moved in together, on Dec. 23rd, Phyllis stayed home, and Zelda's 10 year old daughter had the day off of school. It turned out that this was the first time he was alone with any 10 year old girl in many years and he convinced the little girl to pose for some pictures--sans clothing.

A couple hours later, she told my 15 year old stepdaughter (Phyllis' biological daughter) what had happened in an emotional state, crying and asking if she had done something wrong.  

When my wife and I were told of it, we immediately called Zelda, the grandparents (Zelda's mom and dad).  We let Phyllis know that we knew what had happened, and since he did not turn himself in after 2 days, I went to the small town he lives in and reported him to the police.

By the time they went to investigate, there were no images on the camera he used, and they eventually dropped the case because it was the little girls word against his, and he denied it. About 2 years later, Phyllis and Zelda were married, and the poor little girl was forced to live in the house of the man who did this to her.

All of this was around 8 years ago. The little girl moved out right after her 18th birthday and just had her first child with her boyfriend. My stepkids didn't see their father for about 3 years, but eventually could not keep themselves from him and the oldest boy now lives with him. The other three mostly keep their distance. Phyllis' actions ruined at least 15 lives in many different and disparate ways, and Zelda's looking the other way only made it worse. 

I'm not going back into my old research on pedophiles, but here is some of what I learned:

  • Recidivism (repeat offences) vary according to the sex and age of child they are attracted to, but most of them have a higher than 50% recidivism rate, and none of them are 0%. So it is fair to treat a pedophile as a potential threat to children for their entire lives.
  • Many pedophiles are caught after multiple offences, many years between them. The weird young uncle that everyone knows has a problem goes off and lives on his own for a couple of decades. He comes back and the memories are faded. Nieces and nephews who have not been properly warned have kids of their own, and a need for babysitters. Uncle Squirrelly happens to have some time on his hands and is happy to help.
  • Pedos are attracted to a particular age and sex, and are not as attracted to anything outside of that. So if they are into 8 year old boys, an 11 year old just won't do.
  • Without rock solid evidence, everything is difficult to prove. If you ever encounter an instance of sexual activity used on a child, act immediately with no hesitation. 

Writing this post was difficult, I have never put it in writing like this before. I am sitting here crying right now. The story is unfortunately true, and the bullet points are important to anyone who works with kids, or needs information on pedophilia. 

Phyllis was very tight with his church, and I believe he went to counselling with them after the incident. I am quite sure that his priest knows whats up and that Phyllis has been absolved of his sins. But in a twist that seems like it should be fiction, I just found out from my stepson that Phyllis retired from truck driving, and is now the janitor of the high school in the small town he lives in. If it weren't for my 3rd point above, I would have went back down to that town and fucked up his life.

I am also divorced from the mom (about 5 years now), although I am no longer officially anything to my stepchildren, I treat them as if they are my own. They are all grown, all of them were seriously affected by this incident, and there are effects to this day. 

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I think I know a pedophile who assaulted and/or raped babies. I have no concrete proof. Who would be the witness? All I have on this man is a pattern of highly suspicious behavior--his use of a 'cover' to get infant/babies alone and naked--a flimsy cover that does not hold up at all once one gets to know the personality of this man. I can prove that he has a history of grooming/sexualising his own children and exhibitionism...which while disturbing, is not proof of pedophilia. If I am correct, this man may have molested and/or raped an entire generation of babies in his family. It breaks my heart. I am thankful that there are no babies in his family at this time, but the next generation will probably be born within the next decade.

I'm really torn about what to do, because if I'm wrong, I'll ruin his life, essentially. If I am right and I say nothing, more babies may be violated. It's too big of a risk. The only option is to warn parents. I hate that I have this information. I hate that I have to warn people. 

Do infants/pre-verbal babies (they're always younger than toddlers when he gets them alone) even have the capacity to be deeply impacted by assault/rape? They would feel pain, if he were rough. I've never noticed the babies seeming upset after they come back, so I don't think he uses force. God, what a sickening thing to just weighs so heavily on me that this could have been going on for years around me and I was none the wiser. I want to believe that I'm wrong about him and I want to believe that if I'm right, the babies haven't suffered as greatly because of their psychological underdevelopment. Perhaps there is less psychological damage since they are unable to totally comprehend what they are experiencing..? They wouldn't even remember it...which makes them the perfect victim for a rapist, right up there with raping a disabled person or someone in a coma. I just...I don't know...It's just so awful to think he could have done/or do this to little babies. I hope I'm wrong. God I hope I am wrong. Well, so much for sleeping tonight. I have to be wrong. 

I am not a lawyer or law enforcement agent of any type. It might be advisable for you to consult with such a person. What follows is my own personal ideas.


It's difficult to say how to do this without knowing more about why/how he gets to be alone with the babies/toddlers.

If you missed a couple of us pointing this out earlier - do not collect any evidence on your own as you will be charged with possession of (and possibly making) child porn.

If this is through a job then he has a boss who you can go to and express some unease about his behavior and strongly suggest he be supervised whenever he is with babies/toddlers. "Just to be sure they are okay. After all, the business could be seen as being liable for any impropriety. If nothing is wrong, he won't object."

If this is through another venue (other than a job), try to find someone in authority you can express doubts about anyone being alone with the babies/toddlers.

I would not mention molestation - only "concern" or "uncertainty" about his behavior. Basically, I'm suggesting seeding doubt in the minds of those around him who can watch him and could potentially catch him in the act (if he is doing anything). Hopefully you are wrong about him but there are worse things than companions watching him closely for a while.

It is unlikely the police will do anything unless there is someone who can testify - whether victim or witness. Our legal system has IMO gone too far in protecting the accused.

Hello Kairan,

Your profile says you are in the U.S.  Every state in the U.S. has a state agency with a specific role of protecting children from parental and related abuse.  The name of the agency differs for each state, but is often something like "Child Protection Services".

That agency is set up so that you can make confidential reports in cases where you just have reasonable suspicion that something bad is happening.  If you have actual evidence, you call the cops, but in cases where you just have reasonable suspicion like what you describe, you can call the Children's Services reporting number for your state or county and file a completely confidential report.   That won't "ruin the person's life", it will trigger an investigation by social service workers.  Many of those investigations conclude there's no evidence of wrongdoing and that's where they stop.   Sometimes, though, reports like yours are what saves a child from harm.

So my advice, and indeed my plea, would be for you to look up the report number and call and file a report.  They will help you through it.  In all states, reports made in good faith are protected from liability for libel and slander, so you need have no fear that you can be sued later. 

Please, please, do that today.  If you need help finding the number for your area, message me privately and I will assist you.

Bob gave you the right advice, and just having it on the record is a help. If the police in Cleveland  had someone like you mentioning this type of information, those three girls Ariel Castro kidnapped might have gotten out earlier. 

Creepy guys can be innocuous or insidious, in general, you will have no way to tell the difference between them given the type of information you might ever have available to you. 

We train our daughters to treat anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable as if they are a threat. It is just safer that way. 

Regarding your question about infants, Strega mentioned something in the Ask Dr. Bob thread. I wouldn't know how to find it now though. 

I've sought advice from officials before.  Still, thank you for your advice. It's a very frustrating situation because, basically he's not considered an immanent threat to any child (there are no babies in his family now and he does not work with children) and there is no evidence of what I suspect he had been doing. They recommended that I discreetly warn any adults who care for young children he may come in contact with not to leave their children with him alone. It was not recommended that I try to catch him in the act but how else would he be stopped... Thanks for the warning about unintentionally creating child porn. That was news. I had already decided that I would warn people and if I saw him going away with a baby, I would follow him to make sure he didn't do anything. I don't think I could just watch him leave with a baby and not try to intervene. 

Kairan, what on earth is this man doing carting babies around?  What is his kind of job?

He's not carting babies around. He comes into contact to with babies while socializing.

I don't come into contact with babies whilst socialising - is this a mystery or can you explain?

Thank you Melvinotis for starting this thread - I was chasing the lovley Bob around, as he wouldn't answer queston - Did the lovley Bob comment on Archy's links at all about how pedophilia affects victims? I may have missed it.

In Australia, information of pedophile priests is much more forthcoming - There is an enquiry in Australia at the moment, complete with Victim Statements, Which is why this is all so raw to me.

The following is just one group chasing down these vermin - naturally a secular group.

The victims that I know that give me the most heartache and pain personally were not church-related abuse.

There he goes again, again, again. Catholic on Atheist site -

Stick to your religion, your church, your pedophile priests that raped and sodomised, then to be covered up. Even after you, supposedly had these experiences with victims of pedophiles, you still asked the question, Why do Atheists think pedophilia is wrong - Breath Taking Hypocrisy.

The reason these criminals have got away with it for so long, is people just like you, Bob, to make excuses.

Question Bob - Which I have asked before - no answer - What other business can rape and pillage, ruin thousands of childrens lives - destroy douments concerned with these rapes, and get away with it over decades?

The following is a statement from Germaine Grisez - a catholic moral theologian.

Do you Bob, see anything wrong with the following statement - that is if you have enough courage to answer at all.

Their guilt may well have been venial and may even have been none at all — only God knows — and their cooperation in no way mitigates their seducers’ guilt. Indeed, seducing the victims into sexual sins was far graver than the clerics’ own sexual sinning.

This is what good catholics are up against - the lying, and obfuscating of fact - but they are still trying to clean out these vermin.


@Unseen - Priests didn't have to kill victims - they were not to be believed anyway - who would believe a child could be raped by that lovely man. He is so sweet, he takes kids on holidays, he buys them presents - kids just weren't believed.

But now they are - that is the big change.

@Melvinotis - The priests lifestyle is brilliant - and the best way to cover up pedophilia.

Then moved to another country, and have another fresh batch of kids - how cool is that.

And yet, we see that pedophiles (perhaps less so if they are priests) DO kill their victims in order to keep them silent. It is not because they have to (your words) but because of what they fear might happen, which is a different matter.

@Bob - LOL. You must have every anti-Catholic conspiracy blog in your bookmarks, @Suzanne - not at all - there are many catholics here, who are appalled by the behavior of your church and are doing something about it - like the Commission into Pedophilia in the Catholic Church. It is on the news, including Victim Statements, most nights.

I and all the rest of us Catholics yield to your moral superiority - No, Bob, you are a patronizing apologists. Not all catholics behave the way you do - they are appalled at what the church is doing to their religion, and doing something about it - that is the difference.

No other business in the world has ever harmed children or families - Name a business, with a company in christian countries, that can Commit Crimes Against Humanity - then get protected by hiding behind the 'Goodness' of the cross, by shredding documents, by calling children and their families 'Liars', 'You are Mistaken', 'They just have a vivdi imagination', 'They Enjoyed it'.

We all live for those special moments when we can oppress women and molest children.

Don't include the good catholics, Bob, your bible and the catholic church think women should be subservient, and answer to the 'husband', and the catholic church wonders why people are leaving. Catholic men think this is abhorrent. Molesting children - Many of your brethren did rape children, but the light is shining on the predators, and if it hadn't been for people actually listening to these children, these vermin would have been still raping children.

because we Catholics doctored the evidence! - Evidence, if there was any taken, as children and parents were ignored, was shredded.

@Bob - Did you read Archy's links? Did you read the poem? Multiply that pain by thousands of children all over the world, and these cretins are now moving into third world countries, and it will start all over again.


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