If you are in "polite company" you might have to go with "perforated feces"
LOL. Just because the words are no longer objectionable, the imagery remains a little more that what my grandma would consider polite.
I'm trying to cut down on my swearing, since I have a baby on the way and I'd rather not have him or her cursing up the place and getting in trouble at school or with his or her grandma. But, I do say "holy shit", "holy crap", "hot damn", "goddammit", and "what the hell" a lot.
All of which are from our ignorant, indoctrinated religious past (albeit modern and slightly irreverent).
ps I'm not calling you ignorant. It is deeply ingrained in all of us - well it is in me at least and from the posts here, in many others too.