S'cuse the mess! Right off let me say I'm not native US or UK. I'm native to South Africa, I've lost both parents to cancer. Mother 20 odd years ago and dad 8 odd years ago, Cervical and mesothelioma respectively. Now I have my sister (18 years senior) that has been a mother since mom died, dying of mesothelioma. Asbestos is the proverbial DEVIL!!! Get rid of it now if it is anywhere in your home!!!!NOW!!!!!
I'm a mess. I just need some non godly help. Listen to my drunken rambling. Or my completely sober sobbing. Lines are blurred. They seem to happen at the same time! I need support. This feels like the seconf time that I'm losing a mother. I just need the cyber hug or a single word of encouragement. I will try to offer the same. But at the moment I'm a singular mess. Expect me to post ramblers and beggers for sympathy anf make your life a misery. But expect exceptional support from me. I will supply my personal number for support and simple rambling calls.
A brural blow you've been served. It truly is aweful and horrible. Big cyber hugs!
Ramble on, wudze as the song goes, drunk or sober as I may be listening in either state myself. We have good thing going here, I'm sure you will enjoy it !
Hi wudze, you're doing the right thing reaching out to people. No-one should have to face a situation like that without support. Feel free to vent whenever you like.
It may help to remember that their suffering is over. One more reason not to believe in God: What sort of supreme being would dish up mortality with all of the suffering, horror, and grief that comes along with it.
I do a lot of work with asbestos and, zeolite can also cause mesothelioma too, so add that to your devil list.
I lost my brother and mother, some friends and coworkers, and so forth, and it IS hard.
All I can say is that it does become progressively easier. You go from deep sadness, to one day being able to remember them fondly...and the memories go from painful to comforting.
Like a kids toy, when they first pass, you can't look at their toy w/o crying. Eventually, you can pick it up and hold it and remember the times it was played with, and it makes you happy.
Memories can be like that too. Thinking about your loss can be painful and sad...and every time you remember they are gone, it hurts.
Over time that shifts...and the memories slowly start to be comforting. They can still be sad, but in a different way.
One day, you can take a memory out, caress it, enjoy it, and put it back for safe keeping until you want to remember it again.
You don't forget your loved ones, you just heal enough to get on with your life in spite of losing them.
They would not have wanted their deaths to ruin your life. Sure, they'd be sad if they knew you wouldn't miss/mourn them...but not forever.
Think about those who are left. Think about yourself getting cancer and dying.
How much mourning would you want THEM to do for YOU?
Would it upset you if it ruined their lives?
So, give it time to run its course, feel what you feel...work through it.
Slowly, you will come to terms with it all.
Reaching out is great. Being alone at a time like this is very hard, and listening to well meaning people telling you about god's plan, etc, is infuriating and not comforting.....for me at least.
There are living people still in your life. They may feel isolated and having trouble coping too. Consider reaching out to help them.
My last brother died on Monday...my dad has two cancers he's fighting, my wife had a series of strokes, and so on and so forth.
I just get up every morning, and do what needs to be done.
I do find helping others makes me feel like I'm at least doing something useful, so, that's what I do.
My dad was, btw, given 5 years to live well over a decade ago, and my youngest brother was so hurt in an accident that the doctors said he would not make it to the morning, and HE lived another 10 years after that, so, take heart...sometimes people exceed "their expiration date" by a LOT.