This situation is a hot mess. I am wondering what your thoughts are. See the following link first: HERE

Highlights from the article:

  • Surrogate mother Crystal Kelley, 29, refused to have abortion after abnormalities spotted on ultrasound
  • Parents offered her $10k to abort - she asked for $15k, which they refused
  • Baby's parents then demanded custody, with plan to put her in foster care
  • Crystal fled to Michigan where she was legally recognized as the mother
  • Baby now lives with adoptive parents but has serious medical problems
What a mess...I'm not going to comment on my thoughts about it yet...It's almost beyond belief that this could even happen.
Any ladies out there ever considered being a surrogate? Do you think surrogacy is a "Good" thing?
What are the emotional implications of being a surrogate?
Who do you think was "right" in this scenario?

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I can't get my gourd around her balking at $10K to terminate but would procede with another $5K. Huh? 

If the fetus has abnormalities it should be the genetic parents right to terminate. This should of been covered in the legal agreement and agreed by both parties.

We have billions of earthlings on this little rock of ours. To bring unhealthy problematic offspring into the world has to be questioned. Is it fair to the new human? 

As a gay man, Surrogacy is one of the only ways my fiancee and I will be able to have a child, if we want one. I believe that if you are going to have a baby in this way, then essentially, the actual parents of the child have 100% rights to the child, especially if the egg was implanted. The surrogate is basically renting her womb to the parents. That said, Abortion is a choice no one wants to make, but is often the lesser of two evils, preventing a poor, abnormal, or overly challenging life for the child and parents. However, In this case, I believe it would have been fair to negotiate a contract where, if there were anything wrong with the child, and the surrogate was as opposed to abortion as this woman seems to be, then she should be able to keep the child, but doesn't receive any of the money that was promised, as the service was not performed, and the product was not delivered. *Legal speech not intended to dehumanize anyone, just describing the series of events.

I considered surrogacy without much real interest in the job... in the same way that I "considered" joining the military and prostitution...because they pay when nothing else is there. All three things are highly undesirable outcomes for me. Surrogacy is not something I would want to put my body through. Birth is terrifying. 

I honestly don't think there is any reason to opt for surrogacy over adoption. It's like going to a pure bred breeder for a 2,000 dollar pooch when your local shelter kills hundreds of unwanted pooches every year. Some parents want a child because they want to parent a child and others want one because they want to raise their genetic offspring. I am similarly put off by expensive fertility treatments.

The owners of the genetic material/fetus should have full control over it's viability and the owner of the womb should have full  control over it, including the right to enter into an agreement where she cedes the right to decline abortion of the contents of her womb. They own the baby, she owns the womb, but she has rented it's use--termination of the womb-rental service should have been built into their surrogacy contract. The fetus is not the surrogate's child.

The surrogate decided to rent out her womb and the outcome was not one she had planned for.  Instead of pointing fingers and blame, perhaps it would be a positive idea for a checklist to be created of things to consider before surrogacy commences. 

In your example here, neither the surrogate mother nor the biological parents wanted to keep a handicapped child.  As a result, the state has to pick up the tab.  This doesn't feel right to me.  it sounds like an experiment gone wrong, that everyone involved appears to be able to walk away from, dumping the problem on... who?  the state?  the taxpayer?

As far as the emotions of the surrogate are concerned, if she had delivered a healthy baby, would there not still have been emotions involved?  Personally I think surrogation, if it takes place at all, should be done in tangent with the state, since illustratively from your example, it is the state that seems to have the biggest stake in the outcome.

Baby is flawed.

Surrogate mother fled.

Surrogate mother recognized as real mother.

I don't get the point here, what else do they want? Not only did they save money, but there aren't even any legal repercussions. They could basically just pretend they aborted and never take up contact again, and chuckle it off while Crystal, which I assume is her stripper name, has to wipe drool off of little Timmy's mouth for the rest of her life. It's like being upset at a burglar breaking into your house and stealing nothing but your garbage bags. Saves you the trouble of bringing them out. Lucky.

For some, to know that there is a human being with your DNA, that you have no relationship with, is a hard thing to come to terms with. Pretending has a way of wearing on the human psyche.  

Yes, poor mommy and daddy clearly care a lot about their relationship with their child. Just not enough to actually raise the little waterhead themselves. You don't get to play the biological-parent-card when your first choice was to offer 10 grand to abort the kid, and the second choice is to ship it off to a foster home.

Unless aborting or handing away children is the new way of showing parental love, I think we can safely assume this couple does not want this particular baby.

I believe there are difficulties in everything. In adoption and surrogacy too there are complications which are often unexpected. However, people are adopting children and some are taking help of surrogacy to complete their family.

Surrogacy India

Surrogate carrying for total strangers is a very complicated concept.  In this example, what would be the chances of the state claiming parental support money from the genetic parents?

 In the UK it is incredibly hard to adopt a child - there are very rigorous rules that pretty much factor out anyone except young adults with jobs etc, and usually of the same genetic race of the child.  We are awful at this - we have foster children desperate for permanent homes, and would-be adopters desperate for children, yet our system is antiquated and fails to achieve its purpose.

Here in the USA, where I understand adoption was first created, you seem to be much better at it, and it is something to be proud of.

What happens (financially) when biological parents have a special needs child that they feel they can't cope with?  Does the state take legal responsibility?  If foster parents come forward, do they get paid?  How does the financial process work?

It seems to me that if you have a child, you are responsible for it.  Can people just 'give it up' because they don't want the extra burden here?

So in the circumstances of the OP, who pays for the child?

I considered being a surrogate mother for about 2 seonds before going right ahead and doing it.

My wife lost her womb when she was 20 under rather unpleasent circumstances. We went onto two adopt two children and then I had a pregnancy via IVF. Then we discovered my wife had one functioning ovary complete with eggs. From that discovery to me deciding I wanted to be a surrogate for her took me maybe five seconds. Our youngest son, her son, is now three.

I was an only child of highly dysfunctional parents, but my wife gave me real family and has allowed me to enjoy the childhood I missed via our children so to be able to give her a baby of her own in return has been the single most rewarding act of my life. From the first moment she held Joost minutes after I birthed him and I saw her face I realised just how uniquely femine is the grief experienced by the barren woman, how deep a wound it could create and how utterly lovely and beautiful the washing away of it could be.

Of course our situation was a good one for surrogacy, simple. Most are not this way, but for those who do it and complete it then they do a wonderful thing. I do not think money should change hand though, it must be done for the right reasons or the purpose is corrupted.


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