To me, real love is wanting what's best for another, even if it's not what you want for yourself. I think there are two primary examples of good love, which can be defined through two ostensive definitions. (Ostensive definitions define terms through citing examples. 

Parental love, often shown through sacrificing for the benefit of a child. Saving for an education for the child. Urging them to take a job across the country because it looks like a good opportunity.

Friendship. At its best, a friend is there for you and wants to see you happy and successful. When you have an opportunity that will take you far away, your friend buries their grief to wish you well and offers to stay in touch.

Contrast those examples with romantic love:

When you're in romantic love, you want the other for yourself. You would happily monopolize their time. You think about them constantly. You check up on them if you think they might be with other people. You analyze what they say for hidden meanings.

Sounds like an ostensive definition of an obsession to me.

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Do you find intimacy easy Strega?

I find it very difficult.

I think that the religious are good at it because they learn it early in the form of prayer and the relationship with Jesus and maybe even confession.

Yes I find intimacy easy with the right people.  I'm an open kind of person.  I've never had a relationship with Jesus or any other deity, so I probably am not the right test case for your hypothesis


lol @ hypothesis - your funny for a girl ... : )

Apparently real intimacy is learned in infancy. With your first attachment figure.

Anyway ... but a lot of people dont have that, for whatever reason. Often, religion can fill that void for them.

there are others who never have that void filled.

Sorta just like the master/slave intimacy. It's wonderful!


@ Robert

Yep yep - all of that too, Its about deep trust isnt it?


(psst girls - see how the guy was the first one to bring sex into it)

If you really had some sort of personal relationship with jesus (who is simply too good to come from a married couple shagging), you don't need a church full of phonies egging each other on. I think confession is just intimate enough to make you wanna hurl, sitting in a dark booth telling make-believe sins to some disgusting old pervert.


I reckon a lot of the sins would also be true and so shameful that the sinner should be in a dark booth.

RobertPiano? Is intimacy easy for you?

@ Angela - the OP said "obsession" not "confession". 

@Angela...ran too deep, so i'll reply up here.

Not sure I want intimacy to be "easy". I feel that true intimacy is earned and requires mutual trust. The rewards are great because after working through it all my woman and I feel like true partners, confidants, partners in crime, so to speak. Shared secrets, coded gestures, the ability to unload a hard days burden. Is it easy? No, and you could always get crushed- when you least expect it. That's what keeps you on your toes.

You describe the light side, the outward face of romantic love. Behind the mask is the fear of losing this other person, which has one obsessing about them day and night, and can lead to murder when one partner feels something has gone wrong enough to ruin the purity of the orignal notion. A lot of what appears to be empathy is actually not totally sincere. Rather, it's an effort to say "See, I'm the one you want. I feel your feelings. Please value me above others."

No one ceptin a proper christian can do a mountain murder song justice

"I dug on your grave the best part of last night"

I don't know how Christian Neil Young is, but have you ever heard the song Down By The River? ("Down by the river, I shot my baby")


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