Hello all,

 

I am curious to some of your opinions/experience dealing with relationships with a semi-religious person.  Also, I would like to hear what role you believe religion should play in a relationship, being that one is atheist and one is not.

I have been in a relationship for going on nine months with someone who claims to have a relationship with their “god”, yet does not attend church, but at times feels she is very well committed to religion and connected to her Catholic ways.  Our agreement is basically if I don’t make any religious comments, the whole “atheism” conversation is ignored. I sit and contemplate on a daily basis as to how I should go about trying to handle this, whether I should stay or go? 

My question/discussion for you all is to get your opinion or past experiences dealing with this type of situation.  My main question is if it’s possible for a relationship to work with someone who is somewhat religious, where religion plays no part in my life.  Has anyone had success with this sort of events?  I feel that in the long run, raising a family would cause major problems being that religion is involved, even though it is to a small extent in her life.

 

Post away!

Thanks!

Tags: relationship, religion

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Honestly, yes…in most regards. However, I cannot respect her lack of rational thought...

At last, the truth comes out!

You don't know Turkish ice cream vendors!

Yeah, but that ShishKaBob-flavored ice cream is worth the extra effort!

My only experience here is growing up with parents in the same situation; my father is an all-purposes agnostic, and my mother was raised Mormon, became 'inactive', as they say, for a time (during which she met and married my father) and 'reactivated' (as I say) just prior to having kids so as to raise them with strong values and sense of community (in her mind).  Fortunately, my father was very laid back, enough so to never cause extreme arguments or tension, but he certainly spoke his mind from time to time.  I remember at the age of eight, when the Mormons tell you you're old enough to decide for yourself whether you want to get baptized or not, and you, having been fed nothing but sugar-coated visions of eternity in heaven with your family, get to think you're making a good choice on a major decision.  My father wanted me to wait until I was eighteen, and I, thinking I was old and wise at the age of eight, wanted to plow right ahead.  Turns out he was right, as I stopped going to church at the age of fifteen and withdrew officially at age 21, but he let me discover all of that for myself.  I have come to appreciate the 'philosophy of dealing with religious people' he embodies, especially after trying my hand at telling people that what they believe is stupid.  Spoiler alert; this never works, and usually only serves to make the person whose beliefs you're going after more intransigent, outraged, self-assured etc.  My father, rather than ever openly voicing his opinions on religion, simply showed me by example that a moral, fulfilled life was possible without religion, even when married to a religious person who's bringing your kids up religious.  Though I'm as eager as the next person on TA to point out the inconsistency, implausibility and outright immorality of religion, I think that, ultimately, leading by example is the only way we as atheists will ever cause meaningful change.  With that in mind, I think it's great you're in a relationship with a religious person, to the extent that you enjoy being with that person on strictly personal terms.  My parents' example is enough to teach me that religious differences are abstract and unimportant, if you'll let them be, when compared to people's love and commitment to each other.  Plus, if atheists only breed with other atheists, the Christians will outbreed us in a generation.  Spread your heathen seed far and wide!

I sincerely feel you haven't considered all aspects of that convoluted proposal and what it might mean to others not like your unconcerned father. I doubt a committed atheist who sees Gog as I do could tolerate it.  There absolutely is NO Gog and there never has been. Don't the previous 62,000 religions that died prove anything to you?  Xians have odds of 1 in 62,000 of being right. You willing to bet a life on that?

If you say "yes, seems the Xian Gog is very likely the real deal" I want to talk to you about this piece of land in Florida I have been trying to sell.  Really beautiful swamp it is, only $62,000 per sq. foot, but Ah'm selling er' by the inch to unresolved agnostics...    

Your suppose to have a intimate relationship with your personal savior.  Three is a crowd. Get rid of the 3rd

HA!

Some individuals depend upon religious faith as an important foundational building block in a relationship that helps to keep them centered. These are the ones who go to ChristianMingle instead of eHarmony or Match.com. As long as your partner is at ease with your atheism and has no expectations of you changing going into the future then you might be able to make a go of it. Mutual respect and tolerance is critical to success.

Don't count on that working. Xians belong to a very large and influential carnival act and they look forward to converting atheists.  Worse, they don't mind applying pressure and they will continue until you cave. In my sacred opinion, it would be as bad as living in Utah where you need a note from the Bishop before you can be hired anywhere. In other words, a fooking ZOO filled with anxiety ridden monkeys! 

I would advise you do as I did while DIVORCE is still legal, then run like your feet were on fire.

My first wife turned out to be a hiding Christian. That's why she became my first wife.

Do the maths - you're 25 and get married, and you're worried about children and how to raise them.  Once they are say 20, they'll be gone.  Now you're 48 years old and have another 20-30 years to spend with this woman without children around.  Marriage is a much longer commitment - the breeding and rearing part is only a piece of that jigsaw.

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