RAD

....stands for "reactive attachment disorder."

I am "in process" to become a licensed foster parent. I will be taking in teenage boys. I am safety planning and getting education and resources to protect myself and most importantly my 7 year old son. I will not allow him to be victimized through this process. He has had enough of that.

I am wanting to get fully educated on RAD because it is possible (VERY POSSIBLE) I may end up dealing with it with a teenage boy who may be stronger than my physically. But unlike when I was a corrections officer and I could hand cuff them and take them to Seg and a male officer was always a radio away, this is an entirely different ball of wax.

Any and all suggestions or info you may know of would be of great appreciation UNLESS you are going to make a negative comment to try to discourage me or drag me down or tell me I cannot do it. In advance I'll say "fuck you and I don't want to hear your negativity. Take a hike."

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Permalink Reply by Arcus on February 3, 2017 at 7:47pm

It seems to me that in such a situation you will have to play the part of the mother AND father of those kids. One thing about being a father is asserting physical dominance - we are not that different than animals in many ways, especially as children - and you will have to ensure that they do not threaten your authority. On the other hand, my opinion is that when the child becomes an adult at 14-15 you need to take a step back and let them deal with their own successes and failures. A success awarded to you because of someone else's work diminish the pleasure, or, worse yet, teaches you take advantage of people. A failure not endured is a failure that doesn't teach you consequences fully.

My nephew is turning 15 in May and I'm often haven the conversation with my sister that she needs to "cut the umbilical cord". He loves hanging out with me because I treat him as an adult, as he is. Most important of all: Children aren't dumb, they're just inexperienced.

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Permalink Reply by Belle Rose on February 3, 2017 at 7:57pm

One thing I've learned with parenting my own son is that when kids have witnessed or experienced trauma- no matter what age or in utero - they change. There's ALWAYS effects. Always. You cannot ever undo it. There is no magic "fix." Unfortunately.....

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Permalink Reply by Arcus on February 3, 2017 at 8:05pm

In today's society we tend to be positively encourage to dwell on negative experiences and I don't think that necessarily helps overcoming trauma. A few years back I was assaulted and beaten to a pulp, but my instinct was to get over it and compartmentalize it way far back in my mind. The bad things that have happened to me over the years, and I've had some bad shit to deal with, is neatly packed into small bundles and minimized. This strategy has not bitten me in the ass, it has helped me.

You have to learn from trauma, not get consumed by it.

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Permalink Reply by Simon Paynton on February 4, 2017 at 4:45am

Good luck

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Permalink Reply by destitute on February 4, 2017 at 10:01am

You get to screen them thoroughly and meet them before taking them in yes? How exactly does the process go?

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Permalink Reply by Belle Rose on February 6, 2017 at 11:33am

Not typically. There is some screening the agency does before taking them on, but the information Im given isn't always comprehensive.

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Permalink Reply by matt.clerke on February 5, 2017 at 5:29pm

Hi Belle, never heard of RAD before, but single mothers of boys all inevitably have to deal with controlling young men who are physically stronger than they are. My advice would be this: be strong, be fair, be consistent. You can do it.