She insulted my apartment so I knocked her flat.

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He hands the vendor $5 and says, "where's my change?" "Ahh", says the vendor, "change comes from within".

Buddhist grabs the $5 back and says "I'll pay you in the next life." :)

An electron walks into a bar and sighs. The barkeeper says 'Why so negative?"

"Because" says the electron "my Brother was a Positron."

There was a prison break by a little person, who had been doing time for swindling people while masquerading as a clairvoyant. The police subsequently put out an APB for a small medium at large.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

Don't make me tell the joke about the duck and the psychiatrist. It doesn't contain a pun, but a patient of mine literally dropped dead when I told it to her. A nurse later told me I need to get better jokes.

Raw puns'll let your hair down.

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope,a frayed knot."

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk meet after a big pan-religious charity fund raiser.
There were a lot of unforseen costs related to the fund raiser so they try to decide how much of the money will reimburse them and how much will go towards actual charity.
The Buddhist suggest they draw a 2 ft circle in the ground and throw the money up in the air. Whatever lands in the circle they keep and the rest goes to charity.
The Priest thinks that is an excellent idea but the monk has it backwards whatever lands in the circle goes to charity whatever lands outside goes to reimburse them.
The Rabbi says you guys are missing the point. How about we throw all the money into the air and whatever God wants he keeps?

What's the difference between God and the wart on my dick...The wart on my dick exists and i can show you it right now for one dollar!

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