She insulted my apartment so I knocked her flat.

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(Puns and jokes)
I wasn't going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What's Irish and stands outside in the rain?

Paddy O'Furniture
I give away my dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Damn girl, are you made of Nickel, Cerium, Arsenic and Sulfur? Because you have a NiCe AsS!

I'm no weatherman but you can expect a few inches tonight.
Eating clocks is time consuming, especially when you go back for seconds.

I thought a vasectomy would stop my wife from getting pregnant but it just changed the color of my baby.

We all live in a yellow submarine and pee in a white bowl. 

Spreading puns merits capital punishment.

Exit signs?.... they're on the way out.

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes

Lol!!!
Your mum is so old when I told her to act her age, she died.
Similes - What are they like!!

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