Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Shine on January 5, 2011 at 12:09pm

I dunno. Do girls often get called 'fag' or 'pussy' if they don't fixate on getting laid or make pointless displays of machismo? Wait, what's the female equivalent of machismo? It's not the words themselves that are the issue; it's the condemnation and alienation.

 

Good point.  Both genders are socially condemned for not adhering to expected sexual behavior.  For men, the expectation of sexual behavior is the opposite of that for women.  So the double standard only appears unequal when measured against a specific end; i.e., if the end is to have sex on the first date, men will be praised and women will be condemned according to the prevailing sexual prejudices.  However, if the end is to not have sex on the first date, men will then condemned while women are praised.  

 

I was only viewing it from one end rather than as a whole.

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Permalink Reply by Jaume on January 5, 2011 at 1:13pm

Wait, what's the female equivalent of machismo?

 

There's none, almost by definition of gender roles in cultures where machismo is prevalent. When men are expected to be machos, women are expected to be marianistas.

 

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Permalink Reply by Shine on January 5, 2011 at 12:15pm

It is not "casual sex" i am interested in defending, it is more an interest in helping unplug the double standards, sometimes even misogyny in all it's forms as it litters the road. Each oppressive attitude towards devaluing women is connected to another.

 

Good point.  Even the issue that I mentioned, gender gap in payscale, can be linked to prevailing sexual stereotypes.  As women are not "supposed" to be dominant and aggressive in the bedroom, these characteristics can be deemed unfeminine in the boardroom as well.  And because the corporate world generally rewards "go-getters," this immediately puts women at a disadvantage.

 

I guess that I should probably recognize that my own relative disinterest in the matter is due to my own personal situation.  I'm a serial monogamist and I've been in longterm, serious relationships since I was eighteen.  Consequently, I haven't had to contend with the perils of sexual stereotypes involved with dating in about ten years.  It probably doesn't seem like a battle worth fighting to me because I haven't had any personal stake in the matter in so long.  I think that it is irresponsible of me to dismiss the matter like I did.

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Permalink Reply by Cecilia on January 4, 2011 at 9:32pm

Huge fan of sex on the first date (provided it is 100% consensual and accompanied by use of contraceptive and condom for safety's sake):  my husband and I had sex on the first date, well, actually before the first date and we've been together since 1985.  And, not once did he ever think of me as a slut (even though, horrors!! he wasn't the first).  Yay, husband!

 

I love this post by "chanson" who is one of the moderators at Main Street Plaza and has her own blog (Lettersfromabroad), I agree with what she says, although my dating days are behind me, also:

 

http://lfab-uvm.blogspot.com/2006/03/immodest-proposal-sex-on-first...

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Permalink Reply by Chadia on January 5, 2011 at 2:15pm

you missunderstood me.  I didn't say people who have sex on the first date.  I've had one-night stands.  I don't see anything wrong with having sex.  And even on the first date, if you hit it off, why not?  But having sex with someone JUST BECAUSE he paid your drink, that's not ok.  The same goes for men.  I've known a girl who gave a guy a blowjob, just because he drove her home.  She saw it as an obligation.  Is that the right way to think?

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Permalink Reply by Cecilia on January 6, 2011 at 8:29am

Over Labor Day weekend I had a few drinks at the Stone Rose Lounge in the Time Warner Center in NYC.  My friend had dragged me around shopping most of the weekend and wanted to do more at Time Warner Ctr and I said "enough, meet me at the bar when you are finished!"  Well, $45 ($15 a drink) and  2 1/2 hours later she showed up!!  Thanks to Jeff Bezos I had my Kindle otherwise I might have been quite grateful  (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) to someone who offered to pay for my drinks and keep me company while I waited for my shopahilic friend.  On the other hand, I am at an age where my "f&#kability quotient" is quite low so doubt I'd even receive any offers :D

 

But seriously - sex for a drink?  I don't think so.  The concept of sleeping with someone you weren't attracted to just because he bought you a drink is beyond comprehension.  What about this though?  Lots of women don't "own" their sexuality so maybe they use the "well, I felt I owed him" line to avoid taking responsibility for their sexual decisions.  Do some women feel, deep down, that they are not allowed to be sexual unless there is some quid pro quo? Is it somehow worse to "give if away" for free, for a woman to have sex for the simple reason that she wants to??

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Permalink Reply by Julien on January 4, 2011 at 9:41pm

I'll tell you what I think. I think that the men who sleep with women that only require a meal, they have low self esteem. They are not 'playas' or whatever the hell they want to be called. They should take a good look in the mirror before opening their mouths again.

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Permalink Reply by Bluradio on January 4, 2011 at 10:18pm

I think it should be legal however i had some reservations about the concept.

 

I think that if a society believes that human sexuality has a monetary value or that a persons worth can be quantified sexually than that is a problem. I think we shouldn't need prostitution in the first place. But since we have it lets try to make it better for every party involved but also try to find a way do decrease its need in society. maybe address sexual repression issues and be more vocal and open minded about pre/post marital sexual affairs, the role of women in society etc...

And in my opinion pornography is a form of prostitution, but that's another topic for another day.

so in short yes its should be legal with health and security oversight and regulation and workers protection but with concern over "big government" and long term plans.

-Blu

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Permalink Reply by Julien on January 4, 2011 at 10:44pm

Maybe you don't need prostitutes, but a lot of people do, otherwise it wouldn't be such a thriving business. And sex with a prostitute would not be sex outside marriage? Or because she's a prostitute god won't be mad? :) Sure, we can fix a lot of problems by getting rid of religion altogether, but that requires time. Until that glourious day comes, we should try and fix however and  whatever else we can.

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Permalink Reply by Julien on January 4, 2011 at 10:35pm

Too bad there aren't any romanians over here. I would recommend a song about prostitution... :) Anyway, it's something like: "Nobody wants to hear/talk about you, but everyone knows your address." I think it describes very well the population's view on this particular topic (not to mention the fact that anyone knows where to get a prostitute :) ). You can hear people complain about the results of this kind of subjects but you never see them really trying to do something. They always seem to think that it's other people's duty to do something about it, and all they have to do is enjoy the results.

 

And, has anyone seen Eyes Wide Shut? It's Stanley Kubrick's last film. It portrays very well how women are looked upon these days. I remember seeing this one as a child on TV. I was so excited about watching naked ladies. I watched it again recently and it amazed me how much my opinion of it has changed, and how childish my view on the world used to be. Too bad people still maintain that perspective even as adults. And a lot of people don't seem to get Kubrick's point. Such a shame. Anyway, if you haven't seen it, you should check it out.

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Permalink Reply by Moria Jackson on January 5, 2011 at 1:38am

I think that prostitution had some serious advantages in the past.... the far distant past.  If a woman lost her husband in a hunting accident, or was killed in some brutal fight, she still had to find a way to care for herself and any children they may have had.  There was not money then, so if she had no valuable/unique skills (maybe she couldn't weave baskets or cook or something like that?), she still needed a way to get the needed items.  So, she offered her body to the man in exchange for the items.  And thus, prostitution was born.  It was probably not a glamorous affair back then, and could have brought the feelings of shame that we associate with it now.  I mean, who wants to admit they cant care for themselves or children?  So, thats my theory.  It started as a way of survival, and has continued as such.

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Permalink Reply by Adrian Quantum on January 5, 2011 at 3:46am

It should be legal.

yes once I hired one.

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