Pornography
Since my discussion on monogamy, I have realized that most of you think that cheating is wrong and monogamy is the only way to go (unless, of course, you have an agreement with your partner to be open).
I would define cheating as sexual stimulation, whether it be oral or just plain out intercourse, by someone other than your partner. Some say that watching pornography is cheating. I guess I can understand that, in some cases, porn could cause a partner to fantasize more about the women/men in the videos and find themselves less attracted to their partner.
My question to all of you is:
What do you define as cheating? And, more importantly, Is pornography cheating (especially if the spouse doesn't approve of it)?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by gage brazie on -
sex in itself is exactly that in ones self,before committing yourself to a relationship one or the other persons needs both sexual and non sexual parts of themselves explored by the other person,i believe that if you are a sexually open person the you should find an open partner.
on the guidelines of cheating though i don't think pornography is cheating,pornography is a stimulus that some people use in order to help their relationship and some people even need a certain amount of stimulus to maintain libido.
i personally define cheating as any slight to one another in a relationship i don't think cheating just applies to physical behavior,just simply purposely hurting someone is cheating in my book.
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Permalink Reply by Peter on -
I'd draw the line at sexual intercourse (be it oral or... normal?)
If my gf wants to look at porn, i'm totally down for that.
If I want to look at porn, she's down for that too.
Our relationship is pretty stable.heck, i like to crack jokes like homosexual fantasies i have with other men every now and then. we both get a laugh out of it (out of good humor, nothing relating to offending gay people).
We both support gay rights anyways.
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Permalink Reply by John G. on -
To me cheating is more the emotional side, rather than the physical.
If I was dating someone and they were to get really drunk and have sex with someone else purely for lust, I personally wouldn't be too angry. I mean, it's still cheating and I'd be annoyed, but I could see a way past it. Where as, if they were sober and knowing kissed another person with an emotional attachment, I'd be shattered.
Pornography, from a male perspective, is purely lust. There is no 'love' thought that comes into it. As far as I'm aware it's about the same as romance novels to females. I don't see how one masturbatory aid is any worse than another, especially when females (apparently) weave large storylines and plots and fantasies into theirs (Bucky the cowboy?), where as porn to a male is just a pair of boobs.
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Permalink Reply by Akshay Bist on -
[like]
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Permalink Reply by rerolpxe on -
cheating is lying to a person, partner group etc. and is not exclusively related to sex or intimate relationships.
Therefore cheating in a sexual or intimate relationship means lying to your sexual or intimate partner or sexual or intimate partners.
I aspire to be emotionally mature enough to accept that my partner's sex life is none of my business
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Permalink Reply by Firey Vixen on -
Porn is only cheating if your spouse/so is not ok with it. Similarly regardless of choice of monogamy or Polyamory I think a sexual contract of what is acceptable is important. I think it's one thing that being poly makes you more aware of, What you do and don't feel comfortable with. Often times in Monogamy the couple states that they want only each other and leave it it at that. They have no idea if their partner feels that X or Y isn't cheating while you do. I know many people who think a kiss would be cheating and I know people who don't without a true discussion and knowledge of what your partner thinks you may step over the line on accident. However if you KNOW where the line is and step over it anyway (no matter how strict that line is) you are actually cheating. It's not a line that the greater good can define only you and your partner can.
In my relationship cheating is defined by us as not going past a specific point. IF we do then we are not honoring each other and that's what's important in a relationship.
In
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Permalink Reply by Berty on -
cheating for me is:
going over the line that the 2 (or more :p) people in the relationship agreed upon. And if that crossing causes 1 or more persons in the relationship (emotional) harm.
so its whatever you agree upon
personally i don't think watching porn is cheating
since i think its more common for men to watch it, this might suggest a genetic attraction to it? :)
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Permalink Reply by Oxidiz3r on -
It's true. Men are more prone to watching porn because men are commonly stimulated sexually by visual images whereas women are more stimulated sexually by the suggestion of sexuality--like imagining what a guy might look like underneath his clothes(sorry in advance if anyone finds this inappropriate!). This is why romance novels and erotica are more for women and porn is for men. Though, I suppose, since the same parts of the brain are stimulated when you see an object with your eyes and when you mentally visualize that same object, erotica could be just as effective for men. I think it would just have to be written in a descriptive style meant for people to visualize as it is being read.
Well, it makes sense to me. What do you guys think?
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Permalink Reply by Daniel Crawford on -
Ouestion: Would stimulating yourself sexually, say, while thinking about your partner be consider cheating by you? Your definition suggest it would be? So then masterbation while in a exclusive relationship would be considering wrong? What do you think?
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Permalink Reply by Vinod on -
PORN is no cheating. Neither is SEX. C'monnnnnnnnnn !!
I would call it cheating themselves, if the partners arent aware of it.
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Permalink Reply by Terry Wittek on -
this is such a complicated subject which is why i like to think "don't ask, don't tell" works pretty well.
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Permalink Reply by Oxidiz3r on
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It does work until someone finds something about the other and then they start to question everything else. If neither of them question it out loud, one of them will inevitably be running it through their head until a) they are able to rationalize it to comfortable levels of acceptance or b) it's talked about.
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