Pornography
Since my discussion on monogamy, I have realized that most of you think that cheating is wrong and monogamy is the only way to go (unless, of course, you have an agreement with your partner to be open).
I would define cheating as sexual stimulation, whether it be oral or just plain out intercourse, by someone other than your partner. Some say that watching pornography is cheating. I guess I can understand that, in some cases, porn could cause a partner to fantasize more about the women/men in the videos and find themselves less attracted to their partner.
My question to all of you is:
What do you define as cheating? And, more importantly, Is pornography cheating (especially if the spouse doesn't approve of it)?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Timothy Docster on -
Here are my thoughts:
For the most part, pornography is fictional. Porn stars are actors (albeit, very bad actors). Do I experience life any less fully because I watch a movie or a read a book? No. Do I inhibit a relationship by viewing pornography? No. As long as you are mature enough to know the difference between fiction and reality (which I would assume most people who are at the age of puberty or are post-puberty are), then it isn't any more harmful than any other escape from reality we deem socially acceptable, even if it is as tame as reading a book.
As for the aspect of cheating, I agree you should be open to your partner if you view or masturbate to pornography, but I see no problem in it otherwise.
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Permalink Reply by Gaytor on -
I don't know that they are all bad actors. Some have even convinced me that they like being with Ron Jeremy.
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Permalink Reply by Timothy Docster on
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XD
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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on -
If my partner wanted to watch porn every once in a while I wouldn't really care, but I wouldn't watch it myself. Seeing two strangers having unpassionate sex just doesn't turn me on. I checked out some porn during my 'sexual curiosity' days and I never understood what the appeal was (maybe its different for guys though). The sex scene in "Black Swan" was way hotter than any porn movie I've ever seen.
I do, however, think that watching excessive amounts of porn isn't healthy, especially if you have a real person living in your house with you that can give you actual, loving sex.
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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on
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So, to actually answer the question: No, I don't consider it cheating - just annoying.
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Permalink Reply by L. on -
...yup. even in the case of horrendous porn, if your able to watch it that means someone SOMEWHERE was proud of themselves for that.
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Permalink Reply by Gold Guy on -
Not always proud. Sometimes just financially desperate or manipulated.
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Permalink Reply by Sophie on -
Cheating to me is kissing on another guy or girl. Pornography is not cheating. If the spouse does not approve it is time to find a new spouse. I don't see anything wrong with watching two people have sex.
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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on
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"if the spouse does not approve it is time to find a new spouse". Really? Choosing porn over your spouse? That just seems selfish to me. When you're in a relationship you have to think about more than just your own needs. A spouse is a person with their own feelings, needs, and opinions. If there is something wrong with the sex life in a relationship then that is something that can potentially be fixed, but to trivialize their feelings and toss them aside in favor of your own self-gratification? If thats how you feel than why the hell would you even marry that person in the first place? I don't think porn is cheating but if you care about the person your with you should at least take their feelings into consideration.
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Permalink Reply by Gaytor on
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Chrome ate my reply. BOO!
Life changes within a marriage. If I were to marry someone with an insatiable desire, then we have kids, and that desire on my behalf goes away. My wife would be well within her rights to touch herself. If then I complain about it, and no resolution could be found, she'd be within her rights get a lover or move on all together. For many, sex isn't just an expression of love but this desire that can only be silenced through release. Asking someone to silence that for marriage isn't fair. It's like asking that person to not pee.
But at the core of your point, it shouldn't be a cavalier issue, I agree, and that sword cuts both ways. Sex is critical in the decision to get married for many. It's central in deciding to stick together too. Sometimes those life changes are insurmountable.
Been married 9 years in June. And Black Swan... um yeah!
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