Pornography
Since my discussion on monogamy, I have realized that most of you think that cheating is wrong and monogamy is the only way to go (unless, of course, you have an agreement with your partner to be open).
I would define cheating as sexual stimulation, whether it be oral or just plain out intercourse, by someone other than your partner. Some say that watching pornography is cheating. I guess I can understand that, in some cases, porn could cause a partner to fantasize more about the women/men in the videos and find themselves less attracted to their partner.
My question to all of you is:
What do you define as cheating? And, more importantly, Is pornography cheating (especially if the spouse doesn't approve of it)?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Drew Wichman on -
I think that the answer to this is different for everyone. I always ask myself would I be upset if my wife did X or Y to me and if the answer is yes, I probably shouldn't do it. My personal feelings, I don't think porn is necessarily wrong...my wife and I try to take care of business about once a week (TMI)...sometimes the urge for sex interferes with things that need to be done around the house or other things that need my mental energy...porn can be a quick relief for that. Just my opinion...
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Permalink Reply by Oxidiz3r on -
It seems like the definition of cheating is either entirely subjective or mutually agreed upon between partners. When it comes to sexuality I find that I take the Satanist standpoint of "sexual freedom", so I tend to be more wary when emotions get involved. I have cheated on my partner before, and admitted to doing it followed by--surprisingly enough--a well received explanation of why and what it means to me.
The basic idea is that--and I know this is kind of getting off the real topic of pornography, but I'm getting to that so just bear with me--sex does not, for me, register as being something emotional. For me sex is something that just comes naturally between people. I'd even go so far as to say that it is something I consider beautiful in an artistic sense--only with certain people of course--, but I think it's kind of absurd that it as been so romanticized.
Pornography is even less romantic than sex and involves even less--if any--emotional stimulation, so naturally, for me, pornography is benign.
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Permalink Reply by Tyler Lewis on -
I define cheating as being with someone exclusively, but have stronger feelings for someone else. I think most people view it as something physical, but it's so much worse when feelings are involved.
Regarding pornography, I believe it is a useful tool to keep men from strangling people. If his partner is into it, I think watching together could lead to some pretty hot situations :)
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Permalink Reply by Anonymous304 on -
Cheating in my opinion is the way a person willingly and deceitfully will seek out attention from others. Even a emotional relationship with another can be considered cheating. Porn as it were can be considered cheating most psychologists will tell you that many men and women will lose interest in their partner if they are a large porn watcher. however if you significant other is ok with it then it can be a great tool for romance. anyways that's my thoughts on this hope its relevant.
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Permalink Reply by Sal Riggio on -
If you have to keep it a secret- it is probably cheating. Pornography- to me that's war and priests molesting children, and governments working for the wealthy at the expense of everyone else. etc, etc. As far a "adult" entertainment- it is what it is. Some people (mostly women) see it as exploiting women, but these women are willing participants? So I don't know? As far as it being "cheating"- if kept a secret- probably "yes", but a very un-hurting kind of cheating? As far as fantasizing- there is nothing wrong with that- in fact, Freud said if we couldn't fantasize, we would be a lot crazier than we are.
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Permalink Reply by Chucky Lemons on -
Wow, Becky, this thread just keeps going and going and going. Are you even still following it?
I ask. What if one partner in a relationship withholds sex and/or affection for an extended period of time, say months or years. Isn't that a kind of "cheating" itself? Would this justify cheating or seeking an outside relationship?
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Permalink Reply by Mo Trauen on -
If one partner withholds sex for an extended period of time, the relationship is over. There may still be a non-sexual relationship of some sort, but the two people involved need to take a long look at what is going on and realize it is time to make a decision.
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Permalink Reply by Chucky Lemons on
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Lee, Thanks for your opinion.
It was purely a hypothetical question. Though I have known quite a few people that have and probably still are suffering in long and prominantly sexless marriages where the withholding partner forbids viewing pornography. Knowing a little about computers I've had a few frantic calls asking how to erase their browsing history before the wife gets home.
Thinking back I've noticed that for most people getting caught with porn usually only merits a week or two in the "doghouse" whereas getting caught with another woman would probably end the relationship.
Evidence that if pornography is still "cheating" it's usually viewed as a lesser crime than a physical extra-marital relationship. I expect the verosity of the couples religious beliefs, however, would have an effect on the outcome. What with the stuff about lusting in your heart and all.
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Permalink Reply by Jewelz on -
Your hypothetical question appears to assume a lack of bedroom action is the cause of the relationship problems and the "thing" to blame or point to as justification.
Sexual problems in relationships are rarely just about sex. It's usually a symptom of an even deeper issue. When someone no longer has the desire to meet their partner's physical needs, it's often because their own emotional needs are not being met. Likewise, sometimes people who are not having their sexual needs met withhold emotional intimacy and it becomes a vicious cycle. If a partner withholds emotional intimacy or support for years, is that kind of "cheating"? People don't usually lose their libido or withhold sex on purpose. Most people want a relationship that is both emotionally and sexually fulfilling.
Regardless, I could never see withholding either as justification for cheating. If I found myself in that situation, I would either work to fix the underlying issues or move on. I would hope my partner would do the same rather than cheat.
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Permalink Reply by John David Holt on -
Though the impact is greater, porn is no different than fantasies. Now, I dare you to stop those. When we or our partners look at another in a sexual way, it's really biology kicking in. The desire to reproduce. It may seem self serving, but that is the bigger picture. I do find porn offensive in and of itself. I used to watch, but decided it was silly to watch a made up plot of two people having sex. Lol, as you get older the drive lessens - it becomes easier to be clear headed. Sex is about the mind not the body. The body is only the vehicle. Man has much to understand about MAKING LOVE. As a society, we are over focused on SEX. It's everywhere, but subtly. We restrict open honest communication about it. In WWII the Brits had a saying about the Americans it was something like this "They're overpaid, oversexed, and over here!" I think the reason we appear to be oversexed is because we oppress/suppress it to the point of not being able to control the strong emotions it produces. I believe Porn is often exploitive towards both sexes but predominantly women. Men are often intimidated because they feel like their penis isn't big enough. Overall, I think porn does more harm than good and we should try to understand the deeper meanings of why we struggle so with sex.
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Permalink Reply by Sam Skwirl on -
No porn is porn. It's not cheating.
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Permalink Reply by randy brooks on -
As an atheist I think the point is moot. To enter into a covenant with another person, promising to be monogamous, is in itself a no win situation. It is only through religious doctrine and civil law that people are pressed into lying and pretending that they will never cheat, literally, or as Jimmy Carter put it, in our hearts. Porn is just another form of entertainment. It only becomes something else when we break out the lotion and the towel, then lock the door. Is it cheating then? No. I don't remember, in any of the weddings I either participated in or merely attended, the celebrants promising never to choke the chicken or misuse a back massager. If I had a spouse who had a problem with porn then I should have known that going into the union. That spouse would have to go if she could not accept my sexual proclivities.
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