Since my discussion on monogamy, I have realized that most of you think that cheating is wrong and monogamy is the only way to go (unless, of course, you have an agreement with your partner to be open).
I would define cheating as sexual stimulation, whether it be oral or just plain out intercourse, by someone other than your partner. Some say that watching pornography is cheating. I guess I can understand that, in some cases, porn could cause a partner to fantasize more about the women/men in the videos and find themselves less attracted to their partner.
My question to all of you is:
What do you define as cheating? And, more importantly, Is pornography cheating (especially if the spouse doesn't approve of it)?
Porn is most definitely not cheating. I think the urges of a male and female are different; a male can't help being aroused by another female if he's in another relationship, and it's a little harder for a male to resist masturbation than a female. I think we can all agree on that.
Pornography is very much a stimulant of sorts, a way to release tension, relax and pleasure yourself when alone. Just because a man masturbates to porn doesn't mean he has lost interest in his partner. It also doesn't mean he is more likely to see other women. What if the partner goes away for the weekend and the male is playful? I think most men here can agree that it's a little hard to resist the temptation of porn when you're alone and in the mood. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, as most relationship councilors would tell you.
The different between porn and actually cheating is that porn is not interactive at all; you don't engage with the performers, but instead pleasure yourself based on their own actions. Cheating is the action of getting directly intimate with someone on an emotional and personal level. If you're having sex with someone you're attracted to them, and attraction is driven by emotion. Porn is driven by a sexual urge that cannot be fulfilled at any time. My girlfriend and I live 40 minutes away from one another and our schedules sometimes make it difficult to each other on any given night. I don't feel guilty for looking at porn (guilty as charged!) and she doesn't care. As long as I'm not getting emotionally or physically involved with another woman, she has nothing to fear. And she has said that. It doesn't bother her in the slightest.
Cheatings when you don't want your partner knowing about a relationship or interaction that you are having, or have had, with another person. Plain and simple.
Porns got nothing to do with anything, porn is porn. It's like marijuana, porn is a therapeutic physical/psychological stimulant that is harmful to nobody but to the belief of those, that are under the delusion that it is harmful, to themselves and to others regardless of who is involved in its use.
I wonder how serious am I to take this post? I don't see the point.
Pornography provides an outlet to prevent cheating. If I am sitting at home alone and "in the mood" my wife would much rather me surf for porn than go to a strip club or go visit someone for an outlet. It is DEFINITELY safer all the way around and it is more satisfying. How? you ask... well, the person in the porn pic or vid is a fantasy person. They are the resident of your mind and can be or do anything you want. If I have a particular fantasy that I want to indulge, fantasizing about it and experiencing self-gratification create the exact same physiological response as actually doing it. The truth is, actually acting can lead to disappointment, unrealistic expectations, etc. You see a hot girl in a bar, imagine how amazing it would be, work your magic and take her home. The next 45 minutes is a long diatribe of "I don't like that... you're on my hair... not on a first date... etc."
Porn solves these problems, gives the same endorphin rush, keeps you safely at home, and when the wife does get home, she gets the benefit of your hard work... win-win.
To me, cheating is when you have a thing for someone else and they have a thing for you and you follow through with that "feeling". If you engage in a relationship that you normally engage in with your partner, well then you have over stepped and cheated.
My partner does not mind that I watch porn or masturbate. Its healthy and keeps me sexually ready and aroused for her. As females we can't always have sex so I do me until we can. It's better than stepping out of the relationship and ruining a solid thing.
I wouldn't consider anything that is really just thought as cheating. Porn is fantasy and is therefore only thought. If you masturbate to porn, it's still just fantasy.
If you are in a relationship, and you want to control your partner's thoughts, I think you're in for a bad time of it. I would also suggest that you have some deepseated issues around your self worht and should seek to remedy that. Most of us do have to work on that, btw, I'm not trying to single anyone out,
BTW, I don't mean YOU OP, I realise that you aren't anti-porn.