Pornography
Since my discussion on monogamy, I have realized that most of you think that cheating is wrong and monogamy is the only way to go (unless, of course, you have an agreement with your partner to be open).
I would define cheating as sexual stimulation, whether it be oral or just plain out intercourse, by someone other than your partner. Some say that watching pornography is cheating. I guess I can understand that, in some cases, porn could cause a partner to fantasize more about the women/men in the videos and find themselves less attracted to their partner.
My question to all of you is:
What do you define as cheating? And, more importantly, Is pornography cheating (especially if the spouse doesn't approve of it)?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by M on -
I think cheating is different to each person. I think there can be emotional cheating, where a partner is having an intimate personal relationship with another person behind your back that doesn't include touching. I don't feel comfortable with naughty texts, pictures, and so on. Porn? I couldn't care less. I bought my husband a subscription to Hustler for Christmas one year (yes, I love Christmas!). I think it's important to establish early on with the person you are in a relationship what you consider to be cheating and vice versa. How other people define it is irrelevant.
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Permalink Reply by Tom Holm on -
i dont see how porn can be cheating. i know some people think cheating includes fantasizing about other people and shit like that, but porn could keep your significant other from actually going out and really cheating. plus people learn a lot of new tricks in pornos that may keep the sex interesting. but to each is own me i wouldnt mind if my girl wanted to watch a little porn because i would probably be right there watching with her. now just casually watching porn and straight every day porn watching is different, that is considered straight addiction and i could understand that point.
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Permalink Reply by Austin on -
This should not even be a question, porn is cheating. If anything causes you to even think of anyone other than your partner in a sexual way it is cheating. You can not look at porn and not have some kind of stimulation or sexual thought about the person you are looking at. If you are truly faithful to your partner you would stay away from porn.
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Permalink Reply by Nectarean Onyahoo on
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Personally, I would live by three rules as to cheating(sex).. a guy should not pay for sex, must use protection, and never leave me emotionally. As long as I have quality time and family has quality time then what he does on his free time sports of getting something on the side won't be an issue.
From my experience men who condition themselves to get off on porn excessively have serious sexual performance issues I doubt I could get into a relationship with a guy that needs porn. I don't think its bad but it can be selfish when sexual experience is not shared in a relationship.
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Permalink Reply by Danny Sanchez on -
Cheating is defined by the guidelines set forth when a relationship becomes serious.
If porn can be considered cheating than I can say I've experienced war because I watched "Saving Private Ryan" and you should be considered a serial killer if you watch the tv series "Dexter".
Just because you enjoy watching something doesn't mean you would ever do that or even intend to do that act. No matter how much I like Batman and have even fantasized about being Batman I would never seriously consider becoming a vigilante.
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Permalink Reply by Austin on
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Cheating is a matter of where your heart is. Movies or TV shows, like Batman and Dexter, have nothing to do with cheating if you are referring to thinking its cool to be a vigilante. We are referring to thinking of a person sexually. If your partner were to fantasize about another person their heart is wanting that person and in that moment they are wanting to give themselves to that person, not you. Also, what your partner does on their own time should matter. When they are alone and have free time you will see where their heart truly is in life. If they go to porn then they are loving porn over other things (loving other girls/guys over you).
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Permalink Reply by Danny Sanchez on
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What I do alone in my free time has nothing to do with what is "truly in my heart". I watch porn alone because I like to watch it alone not because I love it over other things. I don't "love" it at all. I just like to watch it. It has nothing to do with where my "heart is".
I never said that Batman or Dexter have anything to do with cheating I was using them as examples:
If watching Porn = Cheating
than
Watching Batman = Vigilantism
Porn is entertainment just like any other type of film.
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Permalink Reply by Yahweh on -
It's not cheating until you physically act towards another person to be disloyal to your spouse. You can fantasize as often as you want. There's no trust being broken. for example, would I go to jail, if I thought about stealing money? that'd be silly.
Secondly, why would you need approval to be watching something anyway.
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Permalink Reply by Aiken Drums Sister on
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I would say Porn isn't cheating as there isn't a "relationship". There isn't a relationship when you see a cute guy and think about what could be... Or even if you flirt with the guy behind the counter... We're all sexual creatures to varying degrees, even in our most simple interactions.
So where to draw the line? If it's something you feel would be too sexual or creepy to do with your sibling, it's cheating to do it with anybody behind your significant other's back. A hug and peck on the cheek to say goodbye to a sister or co-worker is no big deal. A deep tongue kiss while grabbing butt cheeks with your brother or after a meeting with your boss is almost certainly crossing somebody's line!
Of course, this definition doesn't work in certain parts of the country.
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Permalink Reply by matt.clerke on -
I think we have a winner here... if you wouldn't do it with your sibling, it's probably cheating.
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Permalink Reply by maruli marulaki on -
Pornography causes a lot of harm. As I happen to have compiled a list of sources, I will put them here.
Patrick F. Fagan:
A Poison In The Home
http://www.diolaf.org/documents/Marriage%20and%20Family%20Life/Porn...
Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D.
The Effects of Pornography on Individuals, Marriage, Family and Community
http://www.wifamilyaction.org/files/trya.campaigntoolbox.org/downlo...
Mary Eberstadt Mary Anne Layden
THE SOCIAL COSTS OF PORNOGRAPHY
http://www.internetsafety101.org/upload/file/Social%20Costs%20of%20...
Dr. Victor B. Cline:
Pornography’s Effects On Adults and Children
http://www.stop.org.za/Victor%20Cline%27s%20Study.pdf
Ana J. Bridges
Pornography's Effects on Interpersonal Relationships
http://www.socialcostsofpornography.com//Bridges_Pornographys_Effec...
Jackson Katz:
Pornography And Men's Consciousness
http://academic.evergreen.edu/curricular/genderandmedia/assignments...
Rebecca Whisnant:
Confronting pornography: Some conceptual basics.
http://stoppornculture.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Whisnant-Conf...
indirectly related:
https://dipot.ulb.ac.be/dspace/bitstream/2013/107553/1/Bernard%20et...
http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/History_and_Science_-_Eroto...
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Permalink Reply by Gold Guy on -
Maruli,
The first author on your list (Patrick Fagan) is a shill for Heritage Foundation, a right wing christian "family values" propaganda unit. The others are just as bad. None of them are empirical scientific studies of the effect of pornography. The most scientific of the list, The Social Costs of Pornography(Eberstadt and Layden) is merely a slanted review of the literature and amounts to cherry picking data. It relies on the familiar error of implying causation by correlation:
"Those having seen an X-rated movie in the last year are 25.6% more likely to be divorced,"
Not convincing. Although pornography could be harmful, your references are just more of the same moralizing pretending to be science.
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