Iranian and an Arab generals walk into a tea bar. The Iranian is bragging about the prowess of the Iranian solder. The Arab says, "Your soldier may be good, but I have a Bedouin."

Raw puns'll let your hair down.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.

You don't pussyfoot around, do you?

Paws?  me?

I got nothin'.  I'm practically catatonic.

Ok, where's the escape claws?

Did you type "claws" on porpoise, or just for the halibut? OK I'll stop, I am giving myself a haddock.

One oxygen atom says to another, "Holy crap, I just lost an electron!!"  "Are you sure?"  "I'm positive!"

People who believe in Noah's flood are delugional.

A man driving a limousine is involved in accident and while the police is talking to him, he is whining about the damage to his car.

The police tell him, you are so materialistic, you haven't looked at your severed hand, to which he responds, oh my, where is my Rolex! 

What do you call two guys hanging around above a window?

Kurt and Rod.

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