brutal? extreme? crushing? nasty? deeply damaging?
Not sure if that's the direction you were going in...
Let me respond to this comment...and the others as well. Even before I began masturbating...I think the term 'self love' is much more liberating, everyone talks about how you can love yourself before you can love someone else but they don't really mean what they're talking about...which is a broad accusation that could be made against all of Christianity..."Christian's Lie" is the subject of an essay I put out on another site and might reprint here to see if I can get some more insight in the subject.
Before I began masturbating...somewhere around the age of 12 when my cousin...cousins are what West Virginia holler kids have instead of sex education...introduced me to the joys of 'self abuse'...the worst term I've ever heard for this pleasant and harmless diversion....I would lay in bed self stimulating in order to calm down from the horrors of my childhood...yeah, yeah, we all had bad childhoods...I remember talking to my Mom about being sexually abused by my brother as a child and all she said was: "Get over yourself, we all were." Kind of bonding moment you don't want to have with your mother...but I'm from Boone County West Virginia where incest is rampant behind a cover up from Child Protective Services and a state government more focused on the needs of the coal industry than on the welfare of the people of the state...hell, one of the social workers...my wife used to be one...was raped and murdered by a family she was investigating for accusations of incest.
But I digress...
Before I began masturbating I would lay in bed with a full bladder and squeak out a little bit of piss to create the feelings associated with orgasm. My parents thought I was a bedwetter. Yeah, right.
My father didn't talk to me as a child. He tried the sex talk and all I remember is the squenched up look of disgust on his face...he did this in a car as we were driving the hard road to get to the library...my only home growing up. He was a Christian minister...although the term is way too nice for what these bastards are up to. He took me to his office in the Church of Christ building he worked out of and sat me down...on two separate occasions...and shamed me about masturbating. My own mother shamed me talking about how I wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't "Keep my bowels in an uproar all the time."
They gave me and my brother...I should say, the books showed up one day on the night table separating our twin beds..., two years older than me and the 'white sheep' of the family...had a career of preaching...mainly telling rich people in Naples, Florida that god didn't mind they were rich and there were children starving in the world...a book that actually said...and can I get a witness from anyone out there who has seen Dr. Strangelove?...that every time I had an orgasm I was losing two tablespoons of blood...my vital juices... that I could never replace. Never. Forget any nonsense from the Evil Scientists. And just in case we weren't terrified enough about dying a slow death of masturbation induced anemia...added we should watch what...and who...we looked at during the day lest we store the images up in our heads when we alone at nights in our bed and are tempted to commit 'Evil Acts of Self Abuse.'
A few years back...when my father still existed...I was sitting around Cracker Barrell with Mom and my brother and his wife and me and The Woman...and my brother was bragging about a sermon he'd preached about this 'wonderful book' Mom and Dad had given him that helped him understand sex and how grateful he was to them for setting him straight. When I had got myself under control I reminded him...and my parents, evidently...what the book really said.
My brother, his wife, my mother and my father all told me straight to my face that the Church of Christ had never condemned masturbation. Christians lie. The sooner you get used to the fact, the sooner you'll be able to relax into your life instead of being always kept on the edges of your own existence.
"brutal? extreme? crushing? nasty? deeply damaging?" matt.clerke...you don't think that's the "direction" we should be going in? Hell, yes, that's exactly the direction we need to be going in. Why is it a Catholic can bitch and moan about being sodomized and everyone nods their head and when a protestant makes the same accusation she's called upon to give a case by case, blow by blow (if you will) account?
What was done to me was brutal.
What was done to me was extreme.
What was done to me was crushing.
What was done to me was nasty.
What was done to me was deeply damaging and has hurt me every day of my life and still hurts me till this day.
I have six children and five grandchildren and a great-grandchild on the way and I can't have anything to do with any of them.
Because my childhood left me with sexual problems...surprise, surprise...and when I actually had the nerve to try and get help for my problems CPS in the county in Virginia where I was living at the time informed me they would have to turn everything I said in therapy...believing it was covered by doctor/patient confidentiality...was being turned over to the police. As a male with sexual problems in the United States I couldn't get help...
But that gets into a Libertarian rant...not that I've been a Libertarian since the Sixties..and except for their insistence that the value of a man can be judged by how much money he makes and the perverted use to which the One Percenters are putting the charming and relatively harmlessness anarchism of the Sixties to use...
But I digress...again...
Philip, you're not digressing; you're saying what you and many more need to say.
Offenders need to hear it, and so do the many whose silence supports offenders.
The Catholicism I knew had me for a while fearing I had a small movie screen on my forehead, on which everyone who was facing me could my sexual thoughts. In 11th and 12th grades, nuns endlessly condemned "self abuse". 25 years passed before I heard the term "self love" and learned how true it is that only those who love themselves can love others.
During seven of those 25 years my wife taught 4th and 5th graders. I knew she could hug the kids in her classes, but if I were teaching kids that age and did the same I would be jailed.
At long last, in a few places at least, boys and men can have sexual problems and get treatment.
Be kind to y'self.
Hi Belle, as you said, quite normal as a self-comforting reflex. As usual, Catholics offend and disgust me. I think the best thing we can do is to raise our kids with as few of our (and our parents) hangups as possible.
The nuns in my 11th and 12th grades spoke often self-abuse.
Their efforts to stop my masturbation failed; their efforts to silence me on the subject succeeded.
Years later, in training for the work at SF Sex Information, the trainers spoke of self-love, which I found a far more accurate, and more helpful, term.
Since then I have told many people that Catholicism takes adults who need psychiatric care and gives them roomfuls of children.
It's consistent with RC's teaching that happiness in this life is unimportant because this life is no more than preparation for a future life.
The law will someday treat religious indoctrination of children as child abuse, but in other countries sooner than here in the US of A.
I became a shift supervisor at SFSI and told newly-graduated volunteers "If you have any hang-ups you don't know about, our eight- and nine-year-old callers will help you find them."
I often describe my experience at SFSI as a wonderful remedy for 12 years in RC schools.
Know I feel embarrassed that I didn't figure it out until I was about 11 or 12. O.o
It is perverse that people who not only refrain from sex but who view it as sinful are always prepared to comment on it. Enforced celibacy is a form of sexual perversion in itself. These self-appointed moral authorities have been poisoned so badly by the barbaric teaching of their churches that I almost pity them. I don’t though. Their pronouncements are disgusting to the point of being immoral. Some holy men from the religion of peace think it’s worse if women do it.
Know why they are called “nuns”? They get none today, none tomorrow….(my bad)...
Hm-mm, I've heard that sugar is unkind to vaginas.
Leave it to Catholicism to not care. After all, it teaches that this life is but preparation for another life.
Would using unpeeled bananas make a difference?
it teaches that this life is but preparation
As formatted on my screen the line break was right after "preparation" and for a moment I didn't see the continuation. I was about to ask, given that this was Catholicism we were talking about and you know what happens a lot to altar boys there, whether you had left the capital H off of the end of the sentence.