Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Doug Reardon on December 2, 2011 at 8:30pm

supposedly, Chaldean.

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Permalink Reply by Joe g on December 2, 2011 at 5:55pm

I would ask her how we would ever have a chance of having the pope arrested for conspiracy and collusion in a giant sex scandal and coverup if we just keep quiet. I might also ask her if she is just that ok with religious mutilations of young male infants and pubescent girls. Perhaps another question about sundry gods being good with slavery. Follow that up with some choice probing on the catholic church's embrace of misogyny.

She might also like to explain to you why all churches, like junkyards and stuff, couldn't be hidden behind big fences so that the rest of us don't have to know about them.

You might also point out to her that her religion prohibits premarital sex, birth control, abortion and divorce.

Actually, maybe you should ask her why you should hang out with someone who implicitly condones child molestation and rape and find the door.

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Permalink Reply by Dave on December 2, 2011 at 6:17pm

Wow, I was going for a slightly more "Softly, softly" approach to the viability of the relationship as a whole but from others points here I suppose I'll throw my hat in too.  For me the occasional debate is great but constant arguments about why Atheists need to be noisy or that there are not enough of us to make a difference is pretty insulting and basically a deal breaker.  But like I said, that's just me.

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Permalink Reply by Dennis Weaver on December 2, 2011 at 6:49pm

I agree with Dave at some level that you should be pleasant, viz. his suggestion of a soft approach. As you said, you've been calm and she is the one getting upset. I've been there too with religious people and it's really... telling I suppose.

But regardless of how you come across, remember that on one hand you can be pleasant, and on the other assertive for what you feel is important. Be elegant, but at the same time, don't pander to her projection of what you should be at this level.

Accommodation happens at least on a small scale in any relationship as people work together. But at this level, she's suggesting you betray yourself fundamentally to suit her projection. This is sheer disrespect. If she can't respect you at this level, it doesn't matter. You have to respect yourself. If she goes along, great.

If not. You are you. Find a relationship that works better mutually. I'm telling you, if you let her do this to you simply because you care about what she thinks, you won't see the last of it, and you will be miserable because neither of you will respect you. I hope this makes sense. I don't want to drone even further with stories, so.

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Permalink Reply by Kyle Daly on December 2, 2011 at 6:21pm

avoid a argument, people are hard wired to try to win, even if they don't share the ideals their arguing.

you need to get mean, and show all the misconceptions and problems religion does. 

 

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Permalink Reply by KaraC on December 2, 2011 at 7:22pm

DTMFA

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Permalink Reply by Tex on December 2, 2011 at 7:44pm

"Problems for yourself"?  Sounds like its a problem for her or maybe her religious friends.

Frankly I'm sick and tired of treading lightly around the religious folk, although I don't go out of my way to cause problems, I don't hesitate to speak my mind, after all I'm not the one believing in a magic invisible man in the sky, if anyone should stay in the closet it's NOT you. 

This could be a problem for you and your GF depending on how open minded she is.

Does she ever read the messages here? Maybe you can get her mind to expand a bit?

Good luck brother!

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Permalink Reply by Dale Headley on December 2, 2011 at 8:00pm

   I was once in your predicament.  Right from the beginning, though, I made it clear that if we were to get married we would either have no children or they would be raised to decide for themselves - no church! She, a Buddhist, and I , an atheist got along just fine by not attacking each other's beliefs; and by not having any children.  It did not offend me that she put Buddhist symbols all over the house; and it did not offend her that I did not revere or pray to them.

   My brother and his wife had the same solution.  She, a Catholic, and he, someone who doesn't care to think about religion, have been married for 50 happy years.  She never misses Sunday mass and he never attends.  She doesn't try to convert him, and he shows respect for her beliefs and practices. 

   Your situation isn't necessarily the same as mine, but I would strongly advise that you not marry the girl if the issue will forever sadden or anger either of you. 

    Incidentally, your cause is noble simply because it is TRUTH.

    

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Permalink Reply by Gabriela Menicucci on December 2, 2011 at 8:03pm

Is she even aware that she wouldn't be catholic if it wasn't because of slavery? I don't think is fair that  she censors you because you're an Atheist. Would she if you were a protestant and wouldn't agree 100% with her dogma?. What about if you said that African Americans shouldn't be so loud about racism because slavery was abolished long time ago and they should shut up about it already and live their lives?

If this is the type of things she says now that she is only your girlfriend I don't want to imagine what would be when she is your wife and you have kids.

By the way I don't think that by being open about being an Atheist you are crucifying anyone or trying to change the world in a violent immoral way. Would she say the same about a muslim woman wearing one of those head scarfs? Or some missionary knocking on doors trying to gain converts?

This is like telling a vegan, pretend to like meat. Telling a homosexual pretend to like the opposite sex. Pretend you are "NORMAL" and people will like you.

That being said I think relationships are about trust, respect and acceptance. Someone who wants to censor you, just because they don't agree, is someone who you can't trust and who doesn't respect you, and ultimately is someone who doesn't accept you.

Being an Atheist is not a flaw. I don't think you will get her or yourself in some deep troubles just for not believing in her god.

We are in the 21st century, is fine that we won't meet someone who agrees with us 100% of times, but at least we can find someone who doesn't agree but is still open to allow us be who we are.

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Permalink Reply by Teashia Stennet on December 2, 2011 at 8:24pm

There are how many black people in the country percentage wise? I know it isn't as few as Atheist, but it is not a majority and that is exactly the point. The fact is the majority is taking advantage of and rights away from the minority and that is the problem. Thomas Jefferson, YO! lol it doesn't matter how few, it matters what is right, moral, just or fair. Whether she agrees with you or not doesn't mean you shouldn't have rights.

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Permalink Reply by James on December 2, 2011 at 10:04pm

According to the 2010 census 12.6% of Americans are African-American

Also, a recent Pew Forum survey showed that 16.1% of Americans are unaffiliated on the topic of religion. Of those 16.1% the breakdown looked as such:

1.6% Atheist

2.4% Agnostic

6.3% Secular unaffiliated

5.8% Religious unaffiliated

0.8% also answered 'don't know/refused'.

So I think it would be safe the say that 10.3% to 11.1% are at the very least Atheistic in some sense. So 12.6% black vs 16.1% unaffiliated or 10.3% 'Atheistic' isn't really that big of a difference really.

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Permalink Reply by James on December 2, 2011 at 9:47pm

Sadly, it sounds like your relationship may be doomed if she refuses to accept to for who you are. But why come out? And to claim we can't change anything? Ridiculous! By coming out we can hope to increase the general acceptance of Atheists and Atheism. We can fight injustices such as laws (although they are unenforceable) that bar Atheists from public office in some states, we can try and keep politicians from creating laws that discriminate on religious stance, we can promote rational thinking in general that will promote scientific understanding and progress, as well as dispelling irrational and potentially harmful thinking and opinions. There is plenty that can be changed by promoting Atheism and coming out as Atheist.

Cheers!

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