Yes...daughter. Well she won't really be my daughter. She is my niece. But I will be taking her in as my sister is on drugs with no signs of recovery. She is going only one of the three ways people can go....

The father is incarcerated and may be for quite a while. I am thinking of writing him, but this might create more problems.

This question is directed to the men. Understand that this man got my sister pregnant when she was 13 and he was 19. He spent 12 years in prison and was the "look out" to the murder of a guard. He has been involved in the gang life all of his life. He has no qualms about using deadly weapons.

And I am about to take his daughter in....

I'm pondering whether or not I should write him. To explain that I am not going to give him "problems" despite all the bad history between my sister and him. His oldest daughter is now 18, but the little girl I am going to take in is only 3.

They are seeking her to be placed with me as a long-term solution. If I can get on his "good side"....it would be to my advantage.

My biological mother tells me not to do it. To just let the courts do what they are going to do and not engage in letters with him.

The case worker said it would be a good gesture and gave me permission to go ahead with my "potential" plans not stating anything definite yet - because nothing is definite yet.

But pending me passing the home study it pretty much is....They want to place her with me. My sister wants her with me...

What would you do? Would you write this man if you were in my shoes and tell him you will be raising his daughter? What would he think as a violent criminal? Thankful? Vengeful?....

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I would not.

Why not?

In part it is my gut. I did practice law for 15 yrs and have seen enough scary mutha fuckers who were best avoided. He might see you as being easily manipulated in trying to placate him so soon.

I would wait for a court order as to custody. Abide by that. If he does not have visitation rights and he attempts to see the kid you have an order to enforce. If he is granted visitation rights abide by the orders.

In addition i am of opinion that it is better to be missing a parent than it is to have a truly bad parent.

You were a lawyer?? That's pretty awesome....Yeah I think you are right. I'm going to follow my biological mom's advice and just wait....

Still am, just dont mess with it any longer. But it is a horrible profession and glad to be done with it.

I thought about being a lawyer at one point...The world is starved of good lawyers. That's for sure. There's a LOT of shitty ones. If you're a good one you are a diamond in the rough..

Lucky for you the path did not take you to law school. Yeah i was ok and several of my best clients have lodging in high security prisons where they cant get to me!

But I have their lucre!

Fry or rot you lousy bastards!

You sound jaded by the profession, lol

jaded?

hell, i am certifiable.

How did he treat his daughter before he went to prison? Was he a good father to her? Did he try to take any responsibility for her that a father should? How much of her life has he missed to date and how long will he be in prison for this time?

Do you think he will be reformed and clean up his act and take ownership of his own life when he gets out? Will he be a good role model for her and provide for her? Is he likely to stay out of the system?

You probably know the answers to these questions already. That should guide your decision.I am sure that if he wants to find his daughter in the future that it would be better if he does so via the adoption agency rather than turning up on your doorstep uninvited.

 

Before he went to prison it is very obvious to me that he loved her and I'm sure still does love her very much. But he also can't take care of her. He was good mixed with bad for her. There are allegations of sexual abuse against him but nothing formally charged. He will be in prison for a while. Let's just say he is going to have to work extremely hard to win back the favor of the court. He will not change. That being said neither he or my sister are at the stage of having lost all parental rights. That could go on for years to come....

"Would you write this man if you were in my shoes and tell him you will be raising his daughter?"

Yes. 

"What would he think as a violent criminal? Thankful? Vengeful?...."  

It's not like you could hide it.  He's going to know whether you write to him or not.  I would have thought it's best to treat him with common decency. 

Why does your sister say to stay away from him?  Is he angry and controlling? 

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