Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Akshay Bist on April 21, 2011 at 10:07am

Looking at it in a very crude manner, a relationship is like a contract in which two people decide, among other things, to have sex. Now if they both decide that they want to be in an open relationship, then fine, go for it. But if one partner has a problem with it then yeah, it is wrong. It is a breach of trust. Either both agree to be whether they wanna be monogamous or not or don't get into a relationship with each other.

 

Edit - Don't claw into me for equating a relationship with a contract, I just very crudely reduced it for arguments sake.

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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Shockley on December 7, 2011 at 1:27am

For me, I don't think I could be ok with going outside the relationship if it was not agree upon. It's a tough question, how much do you sacrifice your satisfaction for someone else? But, deception is deception I think, though everybody's situation is unique. I don't think I could lie to my spouse because I wouldn't want to be lied to, but if you have an issue with sex/monogamy then your partner needs to care about what you want. I think that's the real issue with this question, are your desires being considered enough.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on December 7, 2011 at 8:15pm

Romantic love isn't real love, it's a form of obsession. It's possessive.

The only real love is the love of a good parent for a child or the love between good friends.

Real love is wanting what's best for the other person even if it's not what would make us happiest, and even if it hurts us or causes us considerable distress. Romantic love, by contrast, is possessive, the the impulse behind the possessiveness is the avoidance of pain and distress.

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Permalink Reply by james d on December 13, 2011 at 12:51pm

well put!! romantic love is a vision of love that is unhealthy! look what it did for romeo and juliet!!

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Permalink Reply by Lisa Lark on December 8, 2011 at 12:13am

I think people will eventually start becoming more accepting of polyamory and divorce...as many people have been saying, people change, people love more than one person at once, and the only thing that can get in the way of love is jealousy, and the way to avoid jealousy ruining everything is through communication, honesty, trust, and respect.

Marriage is only so powerful because back when they didn't have paternity tests to sort things out, being a bastard or cuckold was a big shameful problem...also why women sleeping around was such a big deal...guys needed to be sure they were passing on their oh so important family name and assets to their real kids.

Personally, I will marry the man I want a family with.  Before and after that I won't worry about labelling my relationships.  The fantasy is that I'll be deeply in love with someone and we will stay together forever, but you have to be ready to move on if it doesn't work out.  So many people stay in unhappy marriages just because they think of the idea of marriage as so much more powerful than it should be.  When the love is gone, the marriage is over.

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Permalink Reply by William C. Walker on December 8, 2011 at 12:59am

You got that right.  I went down that rocky road decades ago.  I approve of two people living together, on birth control for about two years or more before getting yoked.  It would save a lot of divorces involving children.  COMMUNICATION is critical.  Not just talk - COMMUNICATION.  I write from bitter experience.

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Permalink Reply by Wynprks on December 8, 2011 at 12:15am

  If you want love and respect, you need monogamy to build trust, if you're just looking for someone to screw it's going to be a one sided affair even if you're with another person, it's just mindless sex for each persons own gratification, as much fun as it can be you're still just doing it for yourself, there's no love, or respect, in that.

 

 On a side note, doesn't the bible say marriage is between a man and his wives?  Whoa, what happened to that?  Oh, that's right, Mormonism, no thanks, I'm not into little girls, that's some sick people right there!

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Permalink Reply by Lisa Lark on December 8, 2011 at 12:43am

What about love and respect in a polyamorous relationship....for example a girl I went to highschool recently formed a 4 person marriage.  So while they are not monogamous they are not just sleeping around whenever they feel like it...they seem to have a lot of love and respect for each other and they chose to live as a  family unit.  I doubt I would choose the lifestyle for myself, but you never know who you're going to meet and more importantly who you will fall in love with...why not be open to any possibility, as unlikely as it would be to form this kind of relationship without setting out to do so.

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Permalink Reply by Wynprks on December 8, 2011 at 12:57am

I've been watching on these news shows about these FLDS Mormon fundamentalist cults that are marrying fifty somethings to 13 and 14 year old girls, I think Warren Jeffs is the most known right now, just look up FLDS, I'm not sure if it's a Mormon thing or just the cults, here's a story from last august.

forbes.com/sites/shenegotiates/2011/08/05/flds-girls-vindicated-as-pedophile-prophet-awaits-sentencing/

 

These are some sick people.

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Permalink Reply by Wynprks on December 8, 2011 at 1:09am

They are, in droves, everyday it seems I hear something new about this stuff, it's nothing short of religious abuse.

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Permalink Reply by Wynprks on December 8, 2011 at 1:28am

"Abuse" is putting it lightly, if you look up brainwashing in the dictionary it defines religious indoctrination, the worst part of it is these girls have nowhere to run to, local police, local government are all in on it, only when it hits the news is anything done to help them.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on December 8, 2011 at 1:49pm

I think in a society that values "romance," a concept which is at its heart possessive, of course monogamy is valued at least at the surface. It's still natural for men and women to continue to find others attractive, despite monogamy. As an ideal, and in its ideal form, monogamy does provide protection for children in marriages. Too bad it's not more observed.

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