Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Katya Chestuch on November 19, 2011 at 5:29pm

My only concern for you and your situation is that your child is getting concerned "for" you.  She is exposed to the church and they are in turn "parenting" your child in religion which is fraught with all kinds of horror.  They are in essence scaring your child into believing that something is "wrong" with mommy and/or she is in some kind of danger or your daughter wouldn't be "praying" for you.  It is never too early to introduce a change in any "plan" or truth.  That is what science is all about.  If we make a discovery that makes the last truth obsolete this is called progress.  There is no shame in you saying to your children, "guess what! I just found out that "This" cannot be true!  Isn't that amazing?! We have new evidence that the fossil record this or that" They will be confused temporarily and certainly less confused than we were who came to become Atheists later in life. To teach them that science trumps religion is what Atheists do.  I would never trust what my mother in law  or any church member is saying or insinuating to my innocent and impressionable child.  A Christian would turn a child against their own mother to guarantee their own salvation.  Be careful. I say this all with careful consideration and concern for you and your children. Be strong.

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Permalink Reply by Jared on November 21, 2011 at 12:15pm

The fact that the kids are saying they were praying for her stuck out for me too. I'm pretty sure that its being discussed with the kids that she isn't going to church with the intent to guilt you into going or to damage your future relationship if you don't fall for the guilt trip.

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Permalink Reply by Lisa on March 13, 2011 at 10:01pm

If you teach your kids to think critically, they will figure it out all on their own.  I taught my kids to think critically about everything but god. Being catholic,  I sent them to church and RE but in all other aspects of life, I taught them to think critically.  Well,they became atheists before I did and because we always had open dialogue,  weren't afraid to share their disbelief with me.  My oldest started having doubts in middle school.  I neither encouraged nor discouraged her, but I did make her finish her R.E.  until her confirmation and then didn't make her go anymore.   Eventually,  I jumped on the band wagon.  My daughter says she decided there was no god  when she learned there was no santa or easter bunny.   It was just the logical  next step to take.  Still she didn't come out with it until college because of the social stigma.  Hopefully that is one thing that will decrease in years to come.

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Permalink Reply by Dale Headley on March 13, 2011 at 10:29pm

I wouldn't even bring up the subject of religion unless my child asked.  Then I would simply tell him/her the truth: it is a holy load of crap!

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Permalink Reply by Dale Headley on March 13, 2011 at 10:30pm

Sure, God is omnipotent. He is also omniscient; He is not, however, the slightest bit benevolent.

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Permalink Reply by bill owen on March 14, 2011 at 4:21am

Don't FORCE your kid to share your beliefs. Let them decide. I know a few people who are christians and they want nothing to do with their parents because all they ever did was try and persuade them that there is no God. On the other hand, I know plenty of christians who have great relationships with their atheist parents. Which do you want?

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 14, 2011 at 11:36am

I have to ask this though. Do you force your kid not to believe in Santa? In that context, there really isn't a choice. The fact is, there's no such thing as Santa... and it would be unhealthy to allow your kid to carry the delusion into adulthood. There's absolutely no difference. But parents who tell their kids Santa isn't real aren't "forcing" a lack of belief in Santa on their kids; they're being honest.

I just think the more education a parent delivers to their kid, the better. I would treat the topic of Christianity like I would the topic of Greek mythology, or any other ancient religion people collectively accept as myth. I think it's best to tell kids all about Christianity! I'd also tell my kids about the Norse gods, the Druids, the Mayans... but allowing them to "choose" between those ancient religions seems absurd. Sacrificing our babies to the Sun God is out of the question. It's interesting history, nothing more... and it shouldn't be validated by saying it's a "choice".

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Permalink Reply by Doubting Thomas on March 14, 2011 at 7:53am

i am not a parent, at 20 but eventually i will be. here's my two cents in it.

1. try not to marry a person who thinks god helped them cross the road (make it to work and back safely) or more so the family line is very happy of the thought. you'll already have an enemy you dont want to squash.
2. kids are easy, if they ask to go to church at say 8 years old because they think it's fun, take them to a catholic church and sleep all the way through it. they'll be so bored they'll never ask you to do it again, i however advice you give them an ipod or something so they dont listen to anything. ENSURE YOU MAKE THEM SIT STILL AND DO NOTHING.
3. use rhetorics as much as possible;

• why dont we go to church
  • because the bible doesnt say we should

and as you build anti belief in them, be sure to install criticism in them, if you nudge them to see the idiocy of santa claus and easter bunny then they'll not be so swayed by christianity. the best skeptic is a cynic and you root that in with sarcasm, so as you ease in the topic of god, you then add on the blanks with humor, they'll soon laugh at the thought of a naked guy in the sky not think real hard about it.

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 14, 2011 at 11:39am

I do like the idea of taking my kid to church so they can have that experience. I just always, always want to be there with them (until they're older). I'd never let them go to youth group with their friends until they were in high school, but by then... they prob wouldn't wanna go anyway. HA! I might even force them to go to certain functions when they're older so they can experience a bit of disgust.

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 14, 2011 at 11:29am

Personally, I would be very open with my kids about the concept of a god/gods... just like I'll be open with them about other mythological creatures. I find Greek mythology fascinating, and Christian mythology could be just as fascinating if I didn't have such resentment towards the religion. I wouldn't hesitate to discuss the origins of Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc... because even those came from Pagan religions. I don't want my kid to have to ask; I want them to know before they ever encounter other kids with fundie backgrounds. The more knowledge they have, the better able they'll be to either refute or simply dismiss the kids whose parents believe in fairy tales.

Many of the Greek myths are quite violent... lots of incest and rape, murder and torture... you just have to tell them the gist of the stories without going into detail until they're older. I think it's important for children to understand culture, and religion is part of culture. It would be easy enough to explain that, thousands of years ago, people believed in Zeus and Athena, and built temples to honor these gods; they worshiped those mythical beings just like Christians today worship mythical beings... both were ignorant to the fact their gods weren't real. I can just hear the kid going "Ohhhh I get it now!" Adults who believe in gods were never told by their parents that they weren't real, just like the kids who still believe in Santa.

I suggest taking it less seriously. The more nonchalant you are about it, the less your kid will be traumatized by the concepts of religion. You can't be overly protective, or overly sheltering... or they may suspect you're hiding something. The more a parent tries to shield their kid from something, the more that kid wants to find out about it. And you don't want them learning about all this from someone else. It's kinda just like talking about sex. If you're open, honest, and nonchalant, they won't feel such a burning curiosity and will have the knowledge to cope with the issue when it comes up outside the home.

Remember... it's ALWAYS better to be educated than to be sheltered.

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Permalink Reply by M on March 14, 2011 at 12:28pm

We definitely do this-- it's a great history lesson.  I also always like to point out that the god(s) differ depending on the people and the region.  It might not make a lot of sense to them yet, but it will hopefully get them thinking later.

 

Mostly, I just want them to make up their own mind.  I want them to think.

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Permalink Reply by BryanPaul on March 14, 2011 at 12:07pm

I've seen some good answers on this one. The thing is, as a parent your job isn't to raise a good little atheist. It's to raise a good child. If the kid decides he wants to believe, you should let the kid do so and be happy. We all want our kids to follow in our footsteps but sometimes it's just not that way. Everyone like to complain that parents shouldn't be able to force there beliefs on there children. I think that should apply to our lack of beliefs also. I encouraged my child to go to every church denomination I could find and the ones not here I got her to read about. She really liked Buddhism, lol. I didn't tell her I was atheist. I just waited for the questions to come and answered. They got to be good questions at around 12 yrs. old. Well don't worry comet, as long as you raise them to be smart, kind, and confident they will be good people regardless of religion.

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