This will be my first post on the site and I'm looking for some advice.
Me and my current girlfriend are having a baby and have decided to do so without being married. We are happy and that's all that matters to us. I am an atheist and she is Catholic and comes from a family that is very involved in their religion. I love her very much and respect her choices in life as she respects mine. We are both very aware of each others beliefs, with that we have talked about getting married eventually.
She has looked down the road many times and explained to me what she has always wanted, a traditional catholic wedding. Now from my understandings that means I must be approved and accepted into their religion ( Accepting Christ and all that he is ) to be a part of this ceremony. Like I stated before, I love the girl and she is a huge part of my life. I want her to have everything that she desires, but this one causes some issues. It's a ways down the road but I figured i would start getting some input on it now.
When looking to my options I run across a few personal and moral dilemmas. ( What's that you say? Atheists have morals? Why yes.... They do. haha) Do I tell her she can't have the wedding she wants and cause a rift in our almost perfect (so far) relationship? Or, do i go along with it even though I don't believe, perform their ceremonies to make her happy and just put on the show for her and the rest of the family?
Now you may say, where is the dilemma? Well, being that i don't believe in a god but i do believe in being a good person, I don't want to outright deceive people. That's not who I am. I don't believe in what they believe in and I'm absolutely positive I will not have fire and brimstone rained upon me because I said i believed so that she can have the day of her dreams. Overall I know it's a decision I have to make but i just wanted to have some advice or see if there was anyone else out here that had faced a similar situation.
Thanks for reading and i look forward to the advice.
If the dire warnings of some people are getting you down, I have a coworker who is... I don't know, probably atheist, maybe just agnostic. He married a Catholic and is allowing his wife to raise the kids Catholic, on the caveat that he will respectfully and fully answer the children's questions when they ask him why he doesn't go to church too.
The kids are growing up quite well-rounded, they aren't old enough yet to really object to church but they have started asking questions. The times I've met them I'm left with the impression that they're becoming good critical thinkers, and will make the best choice for themselves when the time comes, with their non-religious father as a fine role model.
Jesus. This mirrors my situation to a T. The only difference is that the fiancee is agnostic/atheist as well. We are both just going through the motions of getting married ala catholic to shut her family up. Also, don't forget that the child has to be baptised/christened/go to communion during which you are also supposed to agree to raise the kid catholic. My fiancee did not see the issue with me lying about it and called me an "a@!#$hole". I just don't agree with lying. I told her simply that I can stand there and smile quietly but asking me to lie is off limits.
I can't really give you advice just support from someone in an eerily similar situation.
I must ask. Are you a Dr? Is the baby a girl? (I'm comparing your situation to mine). If you are also 6'8" then you get to be the doppelganger.
I question her agnosticism as well. But in the end, so long as she doesn't get old and try to put me into a coma with the bible .....I don't care. I have to admit that your blunt response is refreshing and not offensive. I prefer open discussion over tip toeing any day of the week.
Sorry Jason. I'm not trying to Bogart your board here.
I love how you start the post with "Jesus". Haha. Anyways, I agree, that I do not want to lie. As for as the Dr. thing... I'm not, at least not yet. I am a student still and Will be going into a Nuclear Engineering program at UC Berkeley soon. I plan to become a doctor through this process though. As for the baby we want to be surprised so we are waiting to find out, but I will keep you posted! The one I am definitely not is 6'8" haha. I'm only 6'0".
I'd like to keep up with you on how things develop and I will gladly do the same with you as well. Thanks for your post!