How much of our actions and attitudes are formed from evolution? Piggybacking off of some ideas from another thread I got to thinking about how we "mark our territory." Particularly in relationships.

Example: When a girl is with a guy and another girl comes along and is flirting with him, she will naturally want to let that other girl know "he's mine." This is when a cat fight usually comes about to which most guys are pleased to watch two girls fight over him. (sorry I use girl, it's just how I talk. Substitute woman, lady, whatever you like...)

Similarly: Men will be sometimes protective/possessive of their girls and give other men "the look" if they are checking out their chica. Or they will get mad when they see their girl looking at another guy.

Is jealousy or possessiveness part of our evolution? Or is an unhealthy character trait that stems from insecurity and immaturity alone?

Views: 763

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

"On the contrary, where a normal child has the experience of learning from only two parents at the best of times, a child in a polyamorous family would have the benefit of learning from multiple parents."

Hence why extended families have been the norm for human culture from time immemorial, and why we still have the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child." That two parents in the best of times is modern American cultural bias. The idea that we should move away from our family to start our own nuclear family is an idea that needs to be dismantled and I think will be in the light of current societal challenges facing out youngest generation.

Provided that everyone claims the child as their own, I cannot see how it would harm the child.

Disputes over children cause a lot of harm. If I want a regular marriage (not a so-called "open marriage"), some third party's claim on the child will be viewed as a threat.

Then don't have an open marriage. There's no forcing here, and information is freely flowing.

But what if you can't revise your history?

You have to be honest with yourself and examine your own feelings often and thoroughly. Asking yourself the tough questions about possible events that you may experience can allow you to be prepared for almost any eventuality. It's called planning. If you think you won't be able to have an extended, equal family, then don't get into it in the first place. If you realize that you're already in one, then talk it over with everyone involved, and work it out from there. There's nothing macho or tough about digging a hole for yourself.

...because we are monogamous by nature.

Is that a guess, a hope, or a need? It isn't historical.

The book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha describes the probable views and practices of hunter-gatherer people (before agriculture and the idea of property formed).

The authors say hunter-gatherer people were more pragmatic -- the more men who might have impregnated a woman then the more providers her child would have.

Side point: I don't think there's anything wrong with using "girl" in informal situations. It's normally paired with either "boy" or "guy," and in any situation where "guy" goes (or "boy") it should be okay to use "girl."

Jealousy is natural and understandable. It's also justifiable where a supposedly committed partner seems to be disrespecting the pair bond.

Yah Unseen just didn't want to offend any of the women on the site. I put my foot in my mouth sometimes, lol...

Jealousy is natural and understandable. It's also justifiable where a supposedly committed partner seems to be disrespecting the pair bond.

To what extent though. Do you think it justifies an angry reaction? Or a simple conversation? What's a healthy approach to resolving jealousy that does not turn abusive? hmmmm....hard question, don't you think? This is of course assuming that jealous is "normal"...is it to you? Should all people be "jealous?"

just didn't want to offend any of the women on the site

Laughs, sweet of you but I don't think the women on this site are fragile enough to find your terms offensive!

I've heard black men call each other nigger. I'm white and I wouldn't dare.

Do you think it justifies an angry reaction? Or a simple conversation? What's a healthy approach to resolving jealousy that does not turn abusive? hmmmm....hard question, don't you think? This is of course assuming that jealous is "normal"...is it to you? Should all people be "jealous?"

If you regard adultery or infidelity abuse, anger is probably a more functional response than jealousy, which is rather impotent and self-destructive. Now, I'm not saying that anger justifies violence.

I think for jealousy not to be natural (in a person's nature) would be abnormal.

Right, in that case I'm abnormal.  I don't feel jealousy. I feel a sense of disappointment if someone I care for appears to flirt elsewhere.  To me, that may mean that I have misunderstood their commitment to me, hence the disappointment.

I did have pangs of jealousy in my teen years, when my hormones were all over the place, but I can fairly confidently state that since around the age of say 23, I have not experienced jealousy.

Belle, I have no idea if the jealousy you refer to has something in common with having children, as I also have never had an urge to be a parent - in fact I have had perpetual urges not to be one.  Maybe they are connected.

RSS

Support T|A

Think Atheist is 100% member supported

All proceeds go to keeping Think Atheist online.

Donate with Dogecoin

Videos

  • Add Videos
  • View All

Services we love

We are in love with our Amazon

Book Store!

Gadget Nerd? Check out Giz Gad!

Into life hacks? Check out LabMinions.com

Advertise with ThinkAtheist.com

© 2014   Created by Dan.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service