How much of our actions and attitudes are formed from evolution? Piggybacking off of some ideas from another thread I got to thinking about how we "mark our territory." Particularly in relationships.
Example: When a girl is with a guy and another girl comes along and is flirting with him, she will naturally want to let that other girl know "he's mine." This is when a cat fight usually comes about to which most guys are pleased to watch two girls fight over him. (sorry I use girl, it's just how I talk. Substitute woman, lady, whatever you like...)
Similarly: Men will be sometimes protective/possessive of their girls and give other men "the look" if they are checking out their chica. Or they will get mad when they see their girl looking at another guy.
Is jealousy or possessiveness part of our evolution? Or is an unhealthy character trait that stems from insecurity and immaturity alone?
Then don't have an open marriage. There's no forcing here, and information is freely flowing.
But what if you can't revise your history?
You have to be honest with yourself and examine your own feelings often and thoroughly. Asking yourself the tough questions about possible events that you may experience can allow you to be prepared for almost any eventuality. It's called planning. If you think you won't be able to have an extended, equal family, then don't get into it in the first place. If you realize that you're already in one, then talk it over with everyone involved, and work it out from there. There's nothing macho or tough about digging a hole for yourself.
...because we are monogamous by nature.
Is that a guess, a hope, or a need? It isn't historical.
The book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha describes the probable views and practices of hunter-gatherer people (before agriculture and the idea of property formed).
The authors say hunter-gatherer people were more pragmatic -- the more men who might have impregnated a woman then the more providers her child would have.
Side point: I don't think there's anything wrong with using "girl" in informal situations. It's normally paired with either "boy" or "guy," and in any situation where "guy" goes (or "boy") it should be okay to use "girl."
Jealousy is natural and understandable. It's also justifiable where a supposedly committed partner seems to be disrespecting the pair bond.
just didn't want to offend any of the women on the site
Laughs, sweet of you but I don't think the women on this site are fragile enough to find your terms offensive!
I've heard black men call each other nigger. I'm white and I wouldn't dare.
Do you think it justifies an angry reaction? Or a simple conversation? What's a healthy approach to resolving jealousy that does not turn abusive? hmmmm....hard question, don't you think? This is of course assuming that jealous is "normal"...is it to you? Should all people be "jealous?"
If you regard adultery or infidelity abuse, anger is probably a more functional response than jealousy, which is rather impotent and self-destructive. Now, I'm not saying that anger justifies violence.
I think for jealousy not to be natural (in a person's nature) would be abnormal.
Right, in that case I'm abnormal. I don't feel jealousy. I feel a sense of disappointment if someone I care for appears to flirt elsewhere. To me, that may mean that I have misunderstood their commitment to me, hence the disappointment.
I did have pangs of jealousy in my teen years, when my hormones were all over the place, but I can fairly confidently state that since around the age of say 23, I have not experienced jealousy.
Belle, I have no idea if the jealousy you refer to has something in common with having children, as I also have never had an urge to be a parent - in fact I have had perpetual urges not to be one. Maybe they are connected.
That makes two of us, because I do not have the jealousy gene either. I have actually disappointed "girls" who expected a jealous reaction from me, didn't get it and then assumed I didn't care much or love them. In fact the whole "dis your partner for a reaction" seems so pointless and can only make me wonder if I want to spend precious time with such a person. I also believe if I am REALLY close with someone and they cheat I will know in a nanosecond. That happened once and I ended it so fast, but exactly- I was mad at myself because I made a bad choice. PS I also never wanted to sire any kids and that in itself presented a relationship issue with several who would change my mind.
Okay, so you and Strega have done what I might call the "Pat me on the head because I'm different and better than most people" kind of post.
Oh, do you think feeling jealousy or not feeling jealousy have an inferior/superior relationship? I just thought of them as being left-handed/right-handed kinds of difference.
Why would you think there is an element of superiority? It could be that Robert and I are missing an ability to feel something. Why are you taking this as a criticism or judgement? I was just wondering if there was a correlation with the desire to have children.