One of my favorite social past times is telling jokes, light ribbing, making puns, and engaging in word play.
I heard a pretty good joke the other day, and it never fails to get a chuckle from me when I tell it to someone else.
Ask them if they want to hear a joke. (who doesn't?)
After they accept, tell them to say "Knock Knock."
after they say it, ask "Who's there?"
Most people will be very confused as to how they suddenly became the one telling the joke, and many won't know what joke they're telling. Some of my quicker buddies took it in stride and followed up with an actual knock knock joke. Either way, you win. :D
What are some of your favorites?
Took me a couple of minutes to get that...
A man goes to the doc with burnt cheeks. He tells the doc he was ironing when the phone rang and he put the iron box to his cheek, then he asked what happened to the other cheek, he says, the damn phone rang a second time
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
why did willie nelson get run over by a car?
he was playing on the road again.
The end of your restful night's sleep and your pleasant dreams is always a sad and miserable occasion. That's why they call it mourning.
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
The rather distubing lullaby from Thomas Pynchon's wonderful epic novel, V. is below.
Dream tonight of peacock tails,
Diamond fields and spouter whales.
Ills are many, blessings few,
But dreams tonight will shelter you.
Let the vampire's creaking wing
Hide the stars while banshees sing;
Let the ghouls gorge all night long;
Dreams will keep you safe and strong.
Skeletons with poison teeth.
Risen from the world beneath,
Ogre, troll, and loup-garou,
Bloody wraith who looks like you,
Shadow on the window shade,
Harpies in a midnight raid,
Goblins seeking tender prey,
Dreams will chase them all away.
Dream are like a magic cloak
Woven by the fairy folk,
Covering from top to toe,
Keeping you from winds and woe.
And should the Angel come this night
To fetch your soul away from light,
Cross yourself, and face the wall:
Dreams will help you not at all.
Hey Unseen, that really is good. The wiki synopsis of V. looks pretty interesting as well, gonna have to check it out.
The best thing about being locked in the bedroom with the doctor's wife was knowing I had a full bucket of apples beside the bed. :-)
The best thing about having Alzheimer's disease is you can hide your own Easter eggs.