Jesus is a Dead Rebel Mammal

If Jesus was the “Son of God”(which he wasn’t), he knowingly was on a suicide mission from his “Dad”, who, it stands to reason, was also a God(except that He doesn’t exist). And “Dad” knew about it(the suicide), because it was His idea–and that’s not nice.

Oh, but wait, Jesus wasn’t on a suicide mission after all, since he and “Dad” knew all along that he(Jesus, I know, this is hard to keep straight) would “be riseneth from the dead”, kick the Grim Reaper’s “sorry ass”, as it were. So it was not, in fact, suicide after all. He(Jesus) kept on going: somewhere.

They call it “Heaven”, I guess.

And the clincher is, that neither he nor “Dad” could do a damn thing about it, since, being both omniscient, neither could be omnipotent at the same time, since that is logically–as the Mexicans say–“eem-poh-see-blay”–no matter who one is and what realm one exists in.

Recap: “Dad” is God, a super-natural being, and therefore is everywhere-always-forever, but somehow He “sent” His only begotten Son Jesus, who is really just Himself divided up and in disguise, incognito(why He needed and how He was able to do that is anybody’s guess,) to the Earth to “save” Mankind from His wrath–because He is “all loving” but apparently gets out-of-control angry and homicidal sometimes–and Jesus ends up getting “suicided” by Romans and He and “Dad” knew about it from the start, well it was just “Dad” doing the knowing since He hadn’t divided Himself up yet, and……don’t even get me started on the alleged, “Holy Spirit”……ok, let’s start over…

Box score: Mission Impossible.

But, kind reader, you may be breath a sigh of relief in realizing that there is no “Dad” and Jesus was just another bi-pedal mammal, a rebel bi-pedal mammal nonetheless, and I commend him for that. But he is a dead rebel mammal now, so I says, to Mankind:“get over it”.

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Permalink Reply by TJ on April 3, 2017 at 7:14pm

I got into a lot of fights in school...and, a common ploy was for a kid to say his dad was a cop, to try to scare you out of fighting him/psych you out, etc.

Saying your dad is GOD would be about like that....give or take....say like adding you are your own father too, and you have a ghost too, and the three of us are going to kick your ass...?

As for a dead mammal....that depends on if, say, we consider fictional critters to have taxonomic identities and mortality...

So, is mighty mouse a dead rodent, a rodent who never lived, or, neither?

And, yes, the evidence seems to point to it all being made up.....and, to it being inspired by Masada related violence and Jewish Zealots fighting the Romans.

Spin control + quelling rebellion means Rome must win, and put the rebel to death, and, then, spin the death to "mean" that everyone should love everyone and stop fighting, forgive the past violence/turn the other cheek, pay their taxes, etc.

The MEEK inherit the earth, and so forth.

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Permalink Reply by Fred Hampton on April 3, 2017 at 9:50pm

Richard Dawkins signed off on the actual existence of an actual physical Jesus, so I'm just going with that. I really dont give a shit as Jesus, unlike Lenin, or Che, or Mao, etc, was pretty much a failed revolutionary.

(p.s., Mighty Mouse was real! RIP. :( )