Jesus' 1st Miracle.... as a biological weapon

Ok, so Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine. Let's disregard for the moment the fact that it would take a nuclear accelerator to even come close to doing that (assuming we could even control the process that specifically, which we can't).

Most of the human body is water....

So here's my question to the amateur biologists among us: What if Jesus had used this power as a weapon? What, exactly, would happen to a human body if all of the water in it were suddenly turned to wine? Obviously that person would die, but how? Specifically what would occur?

I fully admit that this is a stupid question, but it just popped into my head today and I'm curious!

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on February 14, 2011 at 9:04pm

lol that is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Why can't religious people see all the potential dirty-ness in their words?

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on February 14, 2011 at 9:47pm

I think its some Freudian slip/subconcious thing thats probably related to Christians' weird obsession with sex.

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Permalink Reply by Skycomet the Fallen Angel on February 15, 2011 at 5:28pm

A note: People are animals... so everyone's obsessed with sex. The reason the christian obsession is bizarre and destructive is because they make a futile attempt to suppress it. The harder a religious person tries to suppress their sex drive, the more they become angry and violent and the more likely they are to develop a pathological sexuality. [Pedophilia, Rapist mentality, gynophobia [different from sexism... although related this is a documented phobia that is the literal "fear of women", obsession with other people's sex lives, freudian projection of taboo sexual fantasies onto enemies [satanists - ever notice the orgies at the "Black sabbath?"]

My explanation for pedophile priests = harmful effects of sexual repression.

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Permalink Reply by Skycomet the Fallen Angel on February 15, 2011 at 5:25pm

lmfao!!! ^_^ Hee hee... I don't think I would mind that.

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Permalink Reply by Gregor Basić on February 15, 2011 at 9:05am

In soviet russia people save jesus.

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Permalink Reply by natanael on February 15, 2011 at 10:18am

lol maybe they did it intentionally

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Permalink Reply by Skycomet the Fallen Angel on February 15, 2011 at 5:24pm

No thanks! I'm not interested in doing the naughty with a 2000 year old geezer! I'll take hell, thanks!

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Permalink Reply by Skycomet the Fallen Angel on February 15, 2011 at 5:35pm

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Permalink Reply by Kirk Holden on February 15, 2011 at 10:11am

during a coma

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on February 14, 2011 at 9:10pm

As for the body water turning into wine thing, I'm by no means a biologist but, I imagine the death would occur fairly quickly. After all, every single individual cell in our bodies are made up mostly of water, its not just our bodily fluids we're talking about. All the cells that make up your brain, heart, liver, pancreas, etc. Imagine 90% of your body structure suddenly turning into alcohol. I think that would kill you off pretty damn fast. (I totally pulled that percentage out of my ass, btw. I'm not sure exactly what the real one is, but I think that's close).

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Permalink Reply by Todd Weaver on February 14, 2011 at 9:32pm

I'm a pharmacy student, so I mostly do biochemistry of drugs, but I do have a pretty decent background in organic chemistry and biology.

Actually you can make water into alcohol by adding acid to the water and funneling ethylene gas through the bottom. But that's how you could make acidic vodka from water, not wine.

I'm assuming you mean to turn all of the water into 100% ethanol, even though wine still contains quite a large concentration by volume of water. The ethanol would cause the cellular membranes to lyse (break down), everywhere, since ethanol can cross the blood-brain barrier (and that the existing water would be turned to ethanol). This would cause immediate death and gradual dissolution of the inner organs and eyes due to necrosis (cell death).

Also, if you assume that one molecule of water would become one molecule of ethanol, then since the specific gravity of ethanol is 0.79 g/mL at 20 degrees C, then the person would likely explode or at least greatly swell since ethanol takes up 1.27x the volume of water at that same temperature.

There's a lot more that could happen if the person did not die immediately, but these would likely be the first to occur.

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on February 14, 2011 at 9:53pm

Dude. This whole scenario would make like, the best horror movie ever. Jesus comes back and goes on a psychotic rampage, blowing people up terrorizing a small, evangelical town in the bible belt. Its all up to a single nonbeliever to save the world, finally besting Jesus in a giant, melodramatic khung-fu battle.

Well, I guess it would really be more of a grindhouse movie, like Planet Terror or Hobo With a Shotgun.