I want your honest opinions here. Please read the following link about why men rape.


I will be honest. The thought that this might be true is freeing. I am recovering from multiple rapes throughout my life. For the past 24 hours I have been very sick. I have been retraumatized and now I am trying to get centered to where I feel safe again. I don't feel safe right now. I want to know why so many men have raped me. Why??? So I just googled "why men rape" and I found this article. It seems like a theory that has been dismissed, yet it is the first time I have ever read that rape is an evolutionary adaptation to mating. Do you realize how freeing this is for me????? If this is true then it really does mean that 1. I am truly NOT to blame, and 2. I am not a "victim" of violence. I know that probably doesn't make sense to you, but in a twisted sort of way it gives me my power back to accept that the men who have hurt me throughout my life.....all of them....were doing so because of an evolutionary drive, not because there was or is anything wrong with ME!

For years I have been told that MY boundaries are weak. And I am sure (I know) this is true. But I am not any more "weak" or "soft" than many women, and I am sick of racking my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong and how to "fix" myself. What if I don't need fixing? What if I am just fine? What if WE need to take a look as a society to realize our own understanding of rape is incomplete? I understand the worry that sex offenders will use this defense to their benefit, but the current judicial system here in the U.S really does no justice. Rapists are rarely prosecuted anyway. What if it REALLY is not my fault.....but furthermore.....what of there isn't a DAMN thing wrong with me?

Do you think rape is an evolved adaptation as this article suggests? Or is it an act of violence as we have always been told? Or am I just too fucked up to know what I'm saying right now? I am sick, and tired, and I am afraid to face the world, because I don't feel safe at all. So I don't know if anyone even can identify with me. I don't know.

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I just skimmed through numerous summaries of articles and scholarly papers on "rape revictimization". I was surprised to see the majority of them discussing a significant, positive corelation between childhood sexual abuse, and a higher incidence of sexual abuse later in life. I don't have access to most of the full, scholarly articles at this time nor do I have much extra time to read anything, so I can't back up my sketicism that therapists are somehow to blame, or feminists. Maybe later, unless someone beats me to it...

The vast majority of victims never see a therapist, so please explain how therapists are to blame.

People who don't think females are lesser than males are somehow to blame? Please explain this as well.

Good point, although Belle says she's had a lot of therapy.

People who don't think females are lesser than males are somehow to blame? Please explain this as well.

(You're not actually asking me this, right? I'm skeptical of those claims.)

Adults who were abused as children are more likely to have problems reading signals that someone who didn't experience abuse would find troubling.

I don't know the reason for it, but it certainly seems to be true to a great extent.  I think it's somewhere along the lines of predator / prey. 

I still don't know the reason, but here's a possible scenario. 

Childhood sexual abuse, and parental neglect and/or abuse, often go together. 

Vulnerable, neglected, rejected children will reach out to any adult who shows them what looks like love and attention. 

Predator, prey. 

I would say this is how the difficulty starts.  This becomes the form of attention that is imprinted on the developing child, leading them (perhaps, I really don't know) unconsciously to seek it out as an adult, for all kinds of reasons. 

Are you saying that many or most children can read the signals, and that those who can't read them carry their signal reading disability into adulthood?

I'm saying that a child that is being neglected by its parents is easy pickings for a predatory pedophile.  I don't believe it's about reading signals: probably, no child understands those. 

My reference to reading signals poorly was not in reference to the abused child but rather to the abuse-surviving adult. I think children are too sexually unsophisticated and probably even initially unaware of sex, so reading signals wouldn't be a skill they would have developed. 

Should foreplay be considered a contributory and mitigating condition?


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