I want your honest opinions here. Please read the following link about why men rape.


I will be honest. The thought that this might be true is freeing. I am recovering from multiple rapes throughout my life. For the past 24 hours I have been very sick. I have been retraumatized and now I am trying to get centered to where I feel safe again. I don't feel safe right now. I want to know why so many men have raped me. Why??? So I just googled "why men rape" and I found this article. It seems like a theory that has been dismissed, yet it is the first time I have ever read that rape is an evolutionary adaptation to mating. Do you realize how freeing this is for me????? If this is true then it really does mean that 1. I am truly NOT to blame, and 2. I am not a "victim" of violence. I know that probably doesn't make sense to you, but in a twisted sort of way it gives me my power back to accept that the men who have hurt me throughout my life.....all of them....were doing so because of an evolutionary drive, not because there was or is anything wrong with ME!

For years I have been told that MY boundaries are weak. And I am sure (I know) this is true. But I am not any more "weak" or "soft" than many women, and I am sick of racking my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong and how to "fix" myself. What if I don't need fixing? What if I am just fine? What if WE need to take a look as a society to realize our own understanding of rape is incomplete? I understand the worry that sex offenders will use this defense to their benefit, but the current judicial system here in the U.S really does no justice. Rapists are rarely prosecuted anyway. What if it REALLY is not my fault.....but furthermore.....what of there isn't a DAMN thing wrong with me?

Do you think rape is an evolved adaptation as this article suggests? Or is it an act of violence as we have always been told? Or am I just too fucked up to know what I'm saying right now? I am sick, and tired, and I am afraid to face the world, because I don't feel safe at all. So I don't know if anyone even can identify with me. I don't know.

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There is one way that women of a sexual age can be PARTLY at fault (not talking about girls pre puberty here), and that is by leading a man on by letting him believe that you are willing to have sex with him and then saying no when it is too late.

I’ll explain…

I have never met a female yet who understands that leading a man on sexually IN ANY WAY and then saying ‘no’ is like pushing the accelerator pedal on a freight train and then trying to stop it by standing in front of it - it aint gunna work. Like the writers of the original article, I have to be careful not to be misinterpreted here, I am NOT IN ANY WAY saying that leading a man on and then saying ‘no’ JUSTIFIES rape, but I am saying that, after a male has reached HIS PERSONAL critical level of arousal, he has to be a very strong and exceptional man to actually stop the process and back off.

To continue the freight train analogy, the accelerator pedal can be activated by different events in different men - in Victorian times the pedal could be activated by something as innocent as a woman’s ankle, today, halter top, bikini, plunging neckline, short skirt or shorts, underwear, pheromones or just a subtle nod or wink can be enough to get the freight moving, naturally there are many others.

I am fairly big, strong and ugly - but, I still would not walk down a dark alley in a seedy part of town - if I did, I am not INVITING an attack, but, knowing human nature as I do, I am definitely increasing the chances of one occurring - life is about minimising risk - you should not avoid all men, but possibly just the seedy men - yes, I know, how do you pick the seedy ones?

It is NOT your fault that men are ‘wired’ the way they are, it is NOT your fault that you were not educated to understand men, it is NOT your fault that you were not educated to stand up for yourself, it is NOT your fault that you become immobilised when being attacked, these things are the result of evolution and very much the fault of society and religion not taking the time to understand the true nature of being human - it is VERY complex and most people are far too scared to face it head on - now you have, your understanding is MUCH greater and hopefully, you should be able to see trouble long before it sees you.

This is a HUGE topic and also very individual.

How about this analogy?  I don't mean this to sound terrible, as things often do when talking about this subject. 

When you go out for the evening, you wouldn't leave your front door open, because there are burglars around.  But sometimes they break in anyway.  Similarly, women need to take some care to protect themselves from burglars. 

Men don't have to worry about this at all.  It's not part of our landscape in any way. 

I'm not talking about being provocative, I'm talking about basic security and saying safe. 

Easier said than done. 

I try to explain to people that there are 3 ways of approaching a situation or a problem.  How you want it to be, how it should be, and how it is.  What you are explaining here pretty much is the same.  Dave Chappelle has an analogy in his Killing them Softly stand-up where he explains it like this here .  I recommend the whole bit but you can fast forward to about 7:30.  

I think it goes back to a lot of women wanting equal rights without equal responsibilities.  

When I was about 25 I realized I had to break free of everybody I knew. I left the old hood and associated only with educated, positive people. People who believe rape, drug use, and abuse should not be a way of life. It has made all the difference. Nobody's perfect, but if you associate with bad examples, (either to help them or because of love) well..there you have it.

-And I am not just talking about "friends". I had to get away from family members too. I was accused of thinking that I was too good for them. First smart thing they ever said to me.

No woman should ever be viewed as being available for rape. That is not the way to look at it. It does not matter where you are, what you are doing or what you are wearing. Rape is first and foremost a violent act. It is a physical assault.

The majority of rapes are not because the man assumed “I thought she wanted sex”. They are not provoked in any way by the victim. They are usually committed by persons known to the victim and the act is more one of dominance than of sex. They are only committed by men who have no respect for women. That is not a fault of evolution but of individuals (or societies) that do not cherish such principles. I do agree it is a more complex issue than my few sentences. We need to remember that rape is not just a women’s issue. We are all responsible, maybe men even more so, to recognise rape for what it is – a crime of violence against women where no excuses or justification is tolerated. Only when we all take action will attitudes change.

There is nothing I can say to make you feel safe or to take the experience away but all I hope for is it doesn't happen to you ever again. There are many ways to dominate and degrade another and rape I think comes very high on the list.

Be well

But feminism, with its pie-in-the-sky fantasies about the perfect world, keeps young women from seeing life as it is.

Paglia's remarks are worth a listen, but during the Equal Rights Amendment ratification campaign I met a few hundred feminists and they were not in a pie-in-a-sky world.

They were getting out of such worlds and many were angry with their mothers for living in someday-there-will-be-pie-in-my-sky fantasies.

The world Paglia had lived in may have been more awful than the world of the feminists she criticizes. In time she will, if she hasn't already, cool off and make more accurate statements.

Whatever article that is i would not waste my time reading it. I am thinking its some kind of justification for this unwholesome act. Rape no matter what is wrong and you are not to blame for the acts of a socially derailed human being, Anything that happens against your will is wrong and feeling guilty for it for me somehow justifies the act. I don't think you will agree with any theory trying to justify why people for instance would like to kill even if there is a proven theory. The idea of being "weak" and "soft" is a socially manufactured perception, you are as capable and strong as your male counterparts. 

She's a classics professor, if I remember right. Or was. I'm unsure. Anyway, she's more qualified than most to make a statement like that and if you were to read her works, like Sexual Personae, you'd probably get your answer in there somewhere. 

Anyway, are you a big fan of Rousseau? I'm not sure I could tell anyone what his views were.

She's for realistically educating women, too, rather than teaching them to expect the world to nice and kind even when it's not, so I would imagine you'd find her a kindred spirit.

Rousseau's view can be summed up as: "Humans are born good, and made evil by society." Anyone who accepts biological factors in rape must disagree on that score, as Paglia does.


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