Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on July 8, 2011 at 6:47am

I just wish America would catch up - there are other countries in the world you know, and they have totally different rules and laws than America does - much more civilzed and secular rules.

Being married or not married makes no difference in Australia.

Being married, fathers can turn into dead beat dads, as my ex did after 25 years of marriage - the same as de facto's can. Children can question a will - doesn't matter if the couple were married - or not - A man must still support a child, whether married or not - property is shared - married or not.

I have been in a de facto partnership now for 23 years - rights by law are the same - married or not - medical decisions - married or not. It's a brilliant way to live - no fear, and the law is on everybody's side.

 

Ah, yes marriage is antiquated and needless, but that depends on what country you live in.

 

 

 

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Armistead on July 8, 2011 at 11:12am

America needs to catch up in so many ways! 

One way in which marriage does matter is Social Security benefits. If you are married, it is far easier to get survivor's benefits if your spouse dies and you have a minor child. It's probably still possible to get benefits for the child if you aren't married, but only a widow/widower can get benefits in order to take care of the child. If you're married, you automatically get those benefits unless you remarry or have your own income until the child is 16. The child's benefits continue through age 18.

That is true even if the parents are divorced or separated at the time of death. Deadbeat dad/mom? No problem. (As long as there's some Social Security record, anyway - I don't know what happens if there isn't one at all.)

My daughter's father died when she was 9, after a 2.5 year struggle with leukemia. He and I had been divorced for about 7 years when he died. The executor of his will was incredibly hostile to me, taking all of my daughter's things (even her piggy bank) as "part of the estate" and refusing to even cooperate with me so that I could find out about COBRA health insurance coverage for my daughter (another area that is 100% screwed up in this country).

But because we HAD been married, one trip to the Social Security office was all it took to get survivor's benefits going. So I do recommend it for anyone who has children together in the U.S.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Steve on July 8, 2011 at 11:40am

Common law marriage still exists in a few American states, though it's largely a thing of the past:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States

 

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Armistead on July 8, 2011 at 1:32pm

I wasn't aware it still existed anywhere in the U.S. Georgia (where I live) got rid of them in 1997. The legislators were afraid that those scary queer people would start using common law marriages as a way to achieve marriage equality.

Permalink Reply by Phil Byers on July 9, 2011 at 5:20am

This is my first post here - so be gentle with me. Lol

I personally feel that like religion, marriage is an anachronism. I don't see why two people who love each other feel the need for such an event. Each to their own I suppose. As for it being a religious act, I thought that it has always been a legal act (and without this aspect, the marriage is null and void).

Maybe my views are swayed from the fact that as a gay man living in England, we don't have the right to marry anyway, although we do have civil ceremonies (which I think will be the way forward, especially as more churches close).

So, should non-believers participate in marriage? Yeah, why not. After all it isn't a religious act, just something that religions hijacked in their history (along with a plethora of other ceremonies, events, etc).

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by John Dodds on July 20, 2011 at 12:56pm

Marriage is not about the relationship between a man and a woman. It is about their relationship to their society. Long, long ago relationships survived without marriage. Almost all primitive societies have no documents, laws or other signs to show a relationship. People make agreements and live by them. Modern marriage has little to do with the original concept of creating a relationship with another human. It's now about rights, property, status and other non-relationship concepts. I have been married to a JW for 40 years. It has never been easy. Marriage has made many decisions very difficult to make or even consider.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Reggie on July 20, 2011 at 1:31pm

It's now about rights, property, status and other non-relationship concepts

 

Rights and property play heavily into "relationship concepts".  That society is more sophisticated and agreements are more formalized doesn't change basic concepts about social relationships.  Whether long ago or now, these agreements advertise much to society as well as convey expectations within the relationship.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alan Goldstein on July 20, 2011 at 2:20pm

It’a a way of making a commitment. Been married 29 years myself, but I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone. Whatever works!

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Nate on July 25, 2011 at 12:58pm

My wife and I got married but not as a religious act.  One, we did it as a commitment to eachother, and two, because the tax breaks are too good to pass up. -_^

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Mads Kapstad on July 26, 2011 at 3:52pm

My parent never married in a church, they just went to the counties office and signed a marriage certificate (sounds horrible) and had a party. I just learned it and I was born in 1992. But anyway, marriage is not a invention made by religion, and any attempt by religious people to claim it is one is folly. Most because it is more a symbolic action that binds two people too each other in a symbolic way that they love the other person and want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, it is not a promise too god or anything. Just a symbolic deceleration between two people that they love each other.

• ▶ Reply

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 3
• 4
• 5
• Next ›
• Page