So I have a sleight issue. I am an Atheist and my girlfriend is a Catholic (her mom is kind of hardcore). Any time that the issue of religion comes up I can't really say anything without getting the "stop attacking my faith" line out of her. It is really starting to agrivate me because I try to be as respecful as possible, but to no avail. I really do love her and want to resolve this somehow, what do I do?

Tags: Girlfriend, advice, atheism, catholicism, christianity, conflict, faith, help, relationship, religion

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Or,  "Love your neighbors as you would love yourself."

If its your gf then you need to seriously have a talk with her  and set boundaries with each other. If she can't respect your disbelief or have a mature discussion about it, then she really isn't worth it

It's not likely to get better.

I really do love her and want to resolve this somehow, what do I do?

Love isn't enough, Sam. You also need open and honest communication. If that's not possible regarding something this important then you don't really have each other. If you want to resolve it, you already know what to do: end the relationship.

It's okay to be single. There are, after all, about 3.6 billion women in world. Granted, not all of them are available or right for you, but those still are pretty good odds for running into a better match at some point. And wouldn't it be dreadful to be stuck in an aggravating relationship when that rare moment happens?  

Think it through, Sam.  You're dating her and her faith is already an issue.  Her mothers faith is, too.  So take it to the next step.  You decide to get married....in a big church?  with a religious ceremony?  Then you decide to have children.  Will you baptise?  Circumcise if it's a boy?  Now the child asks you about god.  Will your wife then let the child develop its own thought process?  How will it's grandmother react?

If you are having problems now, when you're only dating, is there any possibility of a rosy future?  This might need to be the flavour of your conversation with her.

If you're looking for a life-partner, it's sad but probably true.

I've got to agree with Strega and Unseen here. At some point you need to be looking towards more than the relationship you have now. Do you only want a relationship for an interim period until you are ready to settle down? Are you already thinking of settling down with this woman? If she can't take any criticism of her religion without getting upset now, is that something you honestly think will change in the future? Also, you have to remember that your girlfriend's mom is going to be family. Do you think you can handle that down the road?

If you want to resolve it, then you have to talk about it. Find out why she gets upset. Try to help her understand that you aren't saying anything bad about her. Maybe if you insinuate how dumb something religious is she thinks you are implying that she's dumb. Figure out what the actual problem is, then you can work to solve it.

And if that doesn't work, if the problem proves to be unsolvable... screw your emotions, use your head, and GTFO.

I think he's spending time on trying to make a relationship work. A good relationship shouldn't be work to start with. It's something you just all into and seems natural because of the lack of friction. Now, speaking to him: later on, when you marry, you'll run into sticking points that require negotiation and compromise, but if it's already that way, move on. You may be missing out on Miss Right while your trying to make Miss Wrong happen. 

We have actually talked about what we would do if we got married. I am carrer military (going to college now, but once I finish it'll be back to the field for me). I feel like this is the only time I will have to get a life partner. We aagreed that if we had kids we wouldn't push beliefs on them and we would wait until they can make thier own decision (whether it be Athesim, Agnosticism, Christianity, etc.) We know that her mom would throw a fit if our kids aren't baptized, but honestly the both of us would tell her to suck it up.

I feel like this is the only time I will have to get a life partner.

Why?

I think this has every mature adult here rolling their eyes. That is teenage Romeo and Juliet  thinking. If you are thinking of making her a military wife, I think you'll find those marriages tend to be stressful on both parties. 

Another sign it won't work: "her mom would throw a fit if our kids aren't baptised..." The better the relations with the extended family, the better the long term prospects for the marriage.

I had a similar issue with a girlfriend who was a hyper-sensitive woo-head. We would argue about everything from religion to homoeopathy. In the end the constant arguing overshadowed any positive element of our relationship and it was time to call it a day. There was simply no long-term sense in carrying on. 

 

Couples Councelling if your thinking of the long term.

I think that you both really have to be on the same page about what you find important in life.

Its like, if you love dogs and cant imagine living your life without one and then you meet someone who dislikes them. No matter what -  that dog issue will end up being the thing that eventually causes the problems. You can deal with the small dramas but for the things that are important, the things that you value and that will make you happy - those are the things you need to agree on. Otherwise no.

I like the idea of councelling because i think couples, if they are thinking of a long future together, need to be challenged with really difficult questions.

 

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