I wanted to share with you my last few weeks, and why I couldn't even bring myself to doing the things I enjoyed in life for a bit. Really I crawled into a hole and thought about dying for awhile, but I'm back with a new respect for life.
I don't want to share too much of my dirty laundry, but basically my husband and I were doing really bad. The "D" word came up. Two days later I went to the doctor for an unusual sore that wouldn't heal and what I thought was swollen glands and an infection. After weeks of waiting I've gone from thinking I might have cancer to I probably have cancer. Yeah, I have several tumors, a sore that still won't heal, and purple splotches on both legs. I got an MRI today and I'll find out in a couple days (I won't leave ya' hanging). I actually told my husband that I was so upset about our marriage and him not loving me that I just wanted it to be cancer so I could die...yeah, that bad.
My husband and I have been going to counseling. You see, early in our marriage he went to church with me to "save" our marriage. Obviously we've strayed from that path.. I'm here, and he's a spiritual agnostic I guess. I was crippled, I could barely function but then I did it!
I stood up, wiped off the tears and got busy. It's been a month since we started counseling. it's been very eye-opening. I've taken it all in. I realize my part in the degeneration of our marriage. I didn't give him respect, I didn't show him how valuable the marriage was, and I didn't live up to my potential. I'm working on it. We're dating again, it's not perfect but it's getting better and I see it as hopeful.
So far as the cancer scare goes, I've decided that I need to keep going. I have two beautiful daughters, my husband is still here and quite frankly I'm happy with my life other than these couple storms. And for the first time I changed without "god", I did it myself and I'm proud of that. I just wanted to share and to say I've missed this forum and I"M BACK!
That's great things are better with your relationship with your husband and that you have good doctors. I'm hoping for your biopsy results are negative (oh that sounds backwards). Well you know what I mean. Keep us posted. Wishing you the best.
That SUCKS! Well, try not to get too frustrated.