Hello all, I've just joined this group. I don't know what sort of things generally get posted here or what the etiquette is, so forgive me if this isn't the right place for what I'm writing.
I'm suffering, and have suffered for most of my life, what would probably be considered 'depression'. I also have trouble with anxiety, and problems with mood regulation in general.
However, I'm going to stick my neck out here and say I don't believe in medical depression in the sense that it is an 'illness' with 'symptoms' that can be treated, and the patient brought back to good mental health. 'Good mental health' in this sense implies that the natural state of affairs for a human being is to be happy, balanced, satisfied and confident. And that any other frame of mind is a distortion.
I don't believe that. I don't believe happiness is our state of nature. I'm not implying that misery is, but that our moods and experiences are circumstantial and experiential. (Not sure if that last one is a real word.... if it isn't, it should be).
And here's the catch, and the factor that I believe makes depression and misery so common: is that the world is not a happy place. Our higher psychological and emotional needs, and those of others, are in a continual battle with our more base, animal instincts: greed, lust, desire for power, selfishness, etc. We experience the consequences of these in our every day lives far more than we experience the more 'enlightened' kinds of human behaviour. From our parents, our culture, our society.
That's how I see it, and my problem, with this in mind, is a pretty huge one. I have a problem with existing in this world. I have a problem with people. I am very sensitive and I find that the reality of the world, if we choose to face it without rose tinted glasses (of religion or any other delusion)- is one of untold suffering, lies, manipulation, greed, patriarchy, and general all-round evil. It is wearing me down. On some days, I stay inside my room and think of all the beautiful things in life. On others, it overwhelms me and there's nothing I can do. I sit and cry (yes) at the state of this planet and of the human condition. I don't think of suicide per se (my elder brother committed suicide and I witnessed the devastation it caused.) But I feel like I'm waiting for a horrible ride to end, just passing the time until it's time to get off. If anyone had informed me about the reality of the world prior to my birth and asked me whether I agree on going through with it, I wouldn't sign that contract. When it comes down to it, I don't want to die, but I really don't want to be here either. But since I'm here I have to find a way to deal with it until it's time to get off. Please, I'm having a really shitty day today. If there's anyone out there who 'gets' what I'm writing and is maybe a little older and/or wiser and has a few words of advice, I would really appreciate it.
Thanks for reading. x
I feel confirmed!
Well this sucks!
You need to change your point of view, and I've had the following point of view most of my life, so I have no idea how hard it would be for someone elst to get here, but...
"My nervous system sparked to life and I was shoved into consciousness like a convict tossed into his cell. Escape is doable but costly.
I am the energy that hums inside my brain, directing my hands to type these words. Although my mind and body are symbiotic, we are as separate as the driver and his car. It gets me from point A to point B, but it is just my body, not me.
I am alive with an instinctual aversion to death, but I did not choose to be here. I could accept being here if not for the skewed minds of others.
I would die for my family, but I am not responsible for, nor do I trust, those outside of my family and friends. I am saddened by the needless death and suffering around the world, but I can only deal with what comes to my door.
As long as I am alive, I will harm no one, feign conformity, enjoy what I can, and gently bend the rules to cherry-pick my experiences—without apology. I came, I saw; this was stupid, I left.
(Copyright (c) by Rick Yost 2013 all rights reserved.)
That is part of the book I'm in the middle of writing right now.
You might be more screwed-up than I am. I can't really imagine that, but I suppose it's possible.
But you seem to have an interesting mind, at least interesting enough to question the basics.
If you think talking to someone like myself (or similar to yourself) might help, I'm here.
Rick, you've never been low in my esteem, but you've just moved up another notch - let me know where I can buy a copy!
I'm thinking of writing a book called, I'm Fucked Up and So Are You! - it's like, I'm OK, You're OK, but more realistic.
"I'm thinking of writing a book called, I'm Fucked Up and So Are You!"
I would buy that book.
I'd give it to you, signed.
Anybody notice that Sarah hasn't responded to anything we've said?
She will in the morrow -
Thats my prediction.
"Anybody notice that Sarah hasn't responded ....."
Still no show?
I was speaking to a woman who rated these disorders as Casserole Zero because when people get illness like Diabetes, Cancer, broken bones the flu etc, people and friends drop in and bring casserole.
But if you have illness like the ones we are talking about here - nobody visits - people keep away - No Casserole for us.
Oh - and try not to listen to bad news. It's not helpful.
do something hedonistic and luxurious for yourself if you can.
"Casserole Zero" - I like that phrase, it says so much.
I beg to differ, a Casserole has been offered, the hot dish was words and sweet challeges to a closed system. I might have rather had a chicken pot pie, but thats ok, we have shipping problems...;p)