I'm an atheist. I feel lonely.
I have a girlfriend of just over a year, who I thought was also of my views. But she was not who I thought she was. She is a Jehovah's Witness and she hid that from me for a year. I tried proselytizing her but she just refuses everything I tell her. I feel betrayed.
I feel life is meaningless now. She is honestly the only thing that motivates me in school and in my work.
She loves me for what I am, but I still feel betrayed. I thought I had an ally with me, but she's just another gullible person. I love her too much to leave her, and I want to proselytize her. I can't stand the fact that my love is being brainwashed and deluded - it's hurting me too much, and I want to help her.
Please help me, I'm feeling so helpless.
No. No. No. No. You can change your behavior but don't you try to change who you are to make a relationship work. Your personality is who you are. Andrew, no relationship is worth sacrificing your autonomy and individuality. If you want to make it work, both of you have to accept and respect each other.
Oh, I apologize, I meant behaviour.. I'm stressed and can't think accurately, I'm sorry.
Ok, good! That is a huge relief. I wish you the best of luck, whichever path you choose to follow.
I guess you're quite right.. I may be overreacting. And I also have a way too childish behaviour. I'm guessing I need to make a change in personality.
The thing about school and work is that I'm a rather lazy person. I don't find motivation to do or study anything. I only happen to do or study a certain thing if it's something that I Iike, not something that I have to do. She gave me lots of motivation since I wanted to change for her.
I must stop proselytizing and I must start thinking maturely and rationally. I must leave the feelings aside and think..
Have a read of this...or maybe ask her to read it. Here
I have a better idea - tell her you love her, tell her you're an idiot (girls like to hear guys say both of those things, preferably in the same sentence), and that you'll never be the first to bring up the subject again. Then just relax and enjoy being together. I know you think this is a monumental decision, but trust me, a hundred years from now, no one will care what you decide.
Just be - now.
That's very mature of you. If you want motivation to study, i recommend you to focus on what you want to major in and your life as a professional. Or mix study and fun. 10 minutes play for half-how of study. If you like debating, set debates using class material.
I am interested in many subjects, but I have no "spike" of interest on any of them. It's a "disease" I have which confuses my choices for the future. I will probably go with something based on electronics, though, since that's what I'm studying at high school now. Afterwards I'll probably study some programming.
You want to help her do what, change? Are you saying you can't accept her the way she is? Then move on, or change your perspective and your standards for acceptance.
You've made it clear that in a year, she's made no move to convert you, despite the fact that her religion commands it, if that doesn't tell you how she feels about you, you're too obtuse to deserve her. I've had relationships with many women who like different ice cream flavors than I, is that a reason to break up? Where do you draw the line? Boxers or briefs? How about you choose what you wish to believe and allow her the same courtesy, then relax and enjoy the time you have together, however brief that may be?
I found my first true love at 17, as well. She died last summer of cancer, but a part of me still loved her, despite the fact that we had both moved on. It happens. It's life, the only one we get.
I'm sorry for your loss.. I couldn't imagine being you and watching my love die slowly, a bit every day.
I guess we can say that I'm blind - I haven't thought that her religion commands her to limit interaction with non-JW's and to at least try proselytizing other people. Come to think of it, I'm a bloody idiot. Sorry for wasting your time!
You misunderstood, Andrew - as I mentioned in my comment, we moved on, I didn't watch her die, her husband did.
In fact, the last emails we exchanged, involved her trying to convince me to contribute to a website dedicated to putting copies of the 10 commandments on a courthouse lawn, and i tried very gently to explain that doing so would not only violate the Constitutional provision against combining church and state, it would open the same lawn to symbols of all religions. I then asked how she would like to see this statue on her courthouse lawn:
Her emails abruptly stopped.
Christians are funny creatures, when they say, "religious symbols," they really mean. "Christian religious symbols."
Oh, in that case, she was using you one way or the other.