I have a issue with one of my ma's friend

My life has taken a major turn...I have moved out of WY :-( (I love WY). I moved back home to my parents home to help take care of them in between jobs. I have spent a great deal of time with my ma's friends. Oh yes my parents and my ma's friends are all funddies. About a month and half ago one of the funddie friends made this comment, "My children are outstanding Christians", she knows I don't believe in that shit. The fuddie said it in front of my mother. The fuddie lady just kept going on and on about it. Oh did I get angry but I did not say anything. I have confronted her and shut her by saying "I don't want to hear that shit". It surprised me as well as everyone. The issue is my ma is dying from cancer, so we really don't talk about things that will upset her. I know I can't do anything about what that bitch said but I have some guilt that I am hurting my mother because I don't believe....all four of us don't attend church or anything anymore. I see the stress in my ma's eyes. We don't talk about it because of what I mentioned above about stressing her out. Believe me I will not believe in religion again. I also go to church with my ma when she feels up too...I am here to support her and my dad. If she wants to go to church I go. Sometimes though I get up go the bathroom and don't sit in during the sermon. That part makes me kinda laugh because they think I am gettin religion when and if I sit in I totally tear apart the preachers sermon. I guess what I am needing is some reassurance that I am doing the right thing....there is so much more to the story than this but this the just of it. Thanks...have a great weekend :-)

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Permalink Reply by Walter Maki on April 29, 2011 at 11:34pm

Being there for your parents is honorable and showing that you care for them is important.

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Permalink Reply by 30 n flirty on April 29, 2011 at 11:44pm

I'd totally do what you're doing. Your mother needs you very much and I'm sure she knows the effort you're making her to keep her happy and comfortable in every way possible. It sounds like she is a great lady.

People like her friend will be in all areas of our lives, so it's up to you to be the adult and your mother sure appreciates you behaving like one. Kudos! You're being a good son =)

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Permalink Reply by Andrew DeLong on April 29, 2011 at 11:47pm

First things first- I'm sorry to hear about your mother's illness, it is awesome that you have the opportunity to be with her to lend support. Second things second- to hell with your ma's friend, I too have family which believes that so long as they have a faith in the supernatural they have it all covered, if she had any sense, she would be proud of her kids for real accomplishments, if they have any to speak of, obviously. It is most likely that your mother simply appreciates what you give of yourself but sometimes loved ones who are believers do in fact worry themselves about non believing family members- that is not your responsibility. I would think that being honest and treating your mother like an adult is more beneficial to all involved than to lie and compromise yourself. Just because your parents are believers doesn't mean they won't know if your lying to them, they are still your parents.

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Permalink Reply by Michael Andrews on May 1, 2011 at 2:05pm

I've been down my own version of this road.....and I wouldn't change a single step.
After years of separation brought about by my being gay, I considered moving back to the town where my parents dwell to keep an eye on my elderly folks. Two weeks after I arrived Dad dropped dead, leaving Mom alone in the world (no extended family.) I moved into a house about 3 houses away from her, and eventually back into the family home with her. Within a couple of months she was given a stage-4 cancer diagnosis. I made the decision to stay and make everything I was able to help her through. It was the best decision of my life. During the next several years I became acquainted for the first time, really, with just "who" my Mother really was. And it was wonderful! I will never regret the sacrifices that were made to allow me this great gift of love from her. I am forever changed.
You're doing the right thing, Wyocowboy.
(Contact me if you like)

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Permalink Reply by Misty: Baytheist Living! on May 1, 2011 at 2:51pm

Heya Cowboy.

First off, thanks for sharing.

Secondly, I just wanted to express my condolences for what you and your family are going through.

I guess the only real advice I can give is this:

Your mother's illness is and your current living arrangements are a very temporary thing. The memories you will have of her are not. How you handle yourself and your situation now will be carried through your entire life with a mixture of many, many emotions. This might be a defining moment in your life. Proceed with the utmost caution.

Right now you are walking a balance between self honesty and true compassion.

I do not envy your position.

Just know that you have friends here that have been through what you are experiencing.

I can't provide you with the answers, Cowboy...but I can provide you with support.

There is an entire community here that has your back.

If you ever want to talk, please email me. If you ever need a human connection I'm happy to send you my phone number or video chat.

No one knows your family like you do. No one can make the daily decisions but you.

Just know that for good for for bad, there are people here that care.

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Permalink Reply by Tyler Lewis on May 1, 2011 at 4:07pm

Going to church despite your atheism just shows that you hold conviction in your beliefs. I commend that. At the end of the day, the people closest to you mean more than anyone's belief structure.