I just got home from my dad's wedding. It wasn't fancy, cause my dad and now step-mom don't have much money. It was small, there was food and music. In fact she didn't wear a dress. But everyone was still very pretty! the colors were lavender and white.


But it was in a church and God and Jesus were the main focus, etc etc.


So I've been thinking about my wedding. I know I want to get married before I'm 30. I also know I want absolutely no religion involved.


I already have my colors picked out, my dress (which will not be white), I know where I want it to be and my flowers and etc etc.


But how do you have a wedding with no religion involved, if religion kind of is the point of a wedding?

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Why do you need to be married before 30?????

That seems like a very artificial construct to me. Unless the point you're making is your biological clock's ticking and you want to procreate before you're and old woman! :P

If procreation is not the reason behind you're wanting to get married, then there should be no age anxiety, and no long term contracts. If there are no children, you should set yourself free of such religious social constructs. You could fall in love with one person, be with them for a few years, then fall out of love (love is a temporary condition and life long marriages are not held together by love but by hard work).  You most likely can be in love with several people in your life, just go with the flow, have fun, enjoy your partner to the fullest, and when it stops working, move on...

It seems to me that many relationships kinda tamper off after 2-3 years, when the initial romance has passed and everyday life has set in. Many try to inflate some new romance, and choose to get engaged. This then resets the clock and after another 2-3 years the same thing happens. Then some get married. And the process repeats, and they they get a child.

Then, after 3-4 of these romantic injections, they run out and find that the relationships aren't the best. Some live out their lives with people they don't want to be with, most get divorced..

And I agree with your serial monogamy theory to the fullest.

Here's some marriage advice that I thought was pretty rock solid for anyone, atheist or not:


oh boy, scary kid! I do consider parenting a job. If a woman insists on procreating, might as well do it before a career happens, then when the kid's 15-16, get back in the workforce. Or, if one wanted many kids, be an at home parent (or at home for the other partner, no matter the sex). I don't believe in "super women". Kids that age should be playing outside with other kids, not lecturing adults on behaviour, probably just parroting her parent's words!
Unfortunately you can't just get back into the work force after being a stay at home parent for years especially if you didn't already have a career. Also with the number of divorces often times children are being raised by a single parent. Women especially cannot neglect having a career just because they have children. What if you have to leave your partner for whatever reason? What if your partner dies? How are you going to support your family if you've never had a career or it's been so long since you've worked in a career? My plans personally are after maternity leave to be a part time stay at home mom and to find a quality preschool to enroll my children in for the part of the day I work.

It's easier to get back in the job market at 30 than 45 or 50! People who can't abide by their marriage contracts shouldn't be getting married and procreating. My best GF had a baby with a man who 'said' he was ready to be a father, who'd already procreated twice with two other different women, what was she thinking? I am the one? I am special? 

We aren't talking about single parents, this discussion is about marriage. And I never mentioned neglecting your career! If you remove child rearing years from a lifespan, whether you do it at 18, or 30 of 50, the years are simply gone. Doing the procreation thing early frees the rest of your life up for a long lived career with no further interruptions, which is an advantage to corporations, because they can rely on the woman more. We women are in the prime of our health in our early 20s, that is the best time for procreation, then when our bodies are sagging and lagging behind, our minds are still full throttle for the ongoing career.

they don't need full time at home parents by that age

In some instances, I could lower my 15-16 to 13-14, depending on the kid's level of maturity. Myself, I was pretty autonomous at 14, but apparently males mature later... :P

I simply do not agree with or condone non-parenting before puberty. People make babies entirely too carelessly in our society and then expect government/society to pick up the tab. Those who cannot parent should not procreate. I would make abortion the number one option presented in all health clinics in regards to accidental pregnancies.

I kinda side with Kris on this. While I still lived with my mother I was a 'latch key' kid from a very early age. Back then there was quite a bit of stigma attached to it as well, although I could never understand it. I agree with you that accidental pregnancy is the bane of our existence and that population control is going to either become necessary or nature will enforce it - but on the other hand, for those who actually plan, I don't see any problem with non-nuclear parenting models.

Non-nuclear as in great extended family support or friends/community...... sure

Non-nuclear as in super woman I want I can I will ..... meh

Just because you turned out ok doesn't mean they all :P

Religion is not the point of a wedding. The point is the love you and your significant other share. It is about the life that you will now share together and not asking a deity to keep you together. Religion can easily be omitted from a wedding. My wife and I had a secular wedding with a few Pagan bits thrown in for her.

We rented a community center, hired a secular officiant, had no mention of any deity in the whole ceremony, wrote our own vows (in which I threw in some science), and it was still a very meaningful and beautiful ceremony.

The Pagan bits we did were hand fasting and holding the ceremony on the Winter Solstice. We also did a medieval twist to the ring exchange and toasted with a German wedding cup.

No one seemed to notice or care that it was a godless wedding and everyone thought it was beutiful even if we didn't have a huge budget to work with. It was nice that our families (Catholic) didn't make a fuss. In fact, I think some were surprised at just how a wedding based only on our feelings for one another, commitment for one another and sans deity appeal can really be.

Of course you could always do the courthouse justice of the peace deal, but a nice secular wedding actually is very doable.

[...] The point is the love you and your significant other share [...]

That's only been true for at best a couple of generations, and only in certain cases, historically, marriages were religious social contracts designed strictly for the purpose of procreation. If atheists have a civil marriage in order to plan for the offpsring, fine, tho it is hardly needed since most Western countries have common law marriage by default which come into effect after only a couple of years of communal living. Our Western law reflects society's values, which is Christianity. By the OP's level of marriage preparedness, I'd say her expectations are quite religious in the sense that she has set the age, the dress, the colours, the flowers, etc. It don't even seem that there's a significant other in the picture!




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