I just got home from my dad's wedding. It wasn't fancy, cause my dad and now step-mom don't have much money. It was small, there was food and music. In fact she didn't wear a dress. But everyone was still very pretty! the colors were lavender and white.
But it was in a church and God and Jesus were the main focus, etc etc.
So I've been thinking about my wedding. I know I want to get married before I'm 30. I also know I want absolutely no religion involved.
I already have my colors picked out, my dress (which will not be white), I know where I want it to be and my flowers and etc etc.
But how do you have a wedding with no religion involved, if religion kind of is the point of a wedding?
Sure, in the past marriage was done quite differently. But when I say that marriage is about love, I am referring to marriage today.
I don't agree that her planing speaks of anything religious. I'd say she's prepared, but I don't think I'd call it religious. Whether she has someone in mind or not, can you blame a girl for dreaming or thinking about what she'd like it to be like?
A note on common law marriage... My Uncle and now Aunt were living together for years. But MD eventually said they had to live separately or they would be entered into a common law marriage, so they eloped at Marthas Vineyard.
Well other than purely emotional reasons there are financial benefits as well. Be it taxes, end of life wishes/inheritance (especially if you didn't put your wishes in writing), heath insurance benefits (able to piggyback on spouses insurance), better rates on homeowners and auto insurance, to name a few.
It could also be argued that marriage is a symbol of your commitment. However I will freely admit that marriage doesn't guarantee commitment and that an unmarried couple can be just as committed to one another.
That said, I realize that marriage isn't for everyone. For my wife and I it's what we wanted to do. It just felt right and the ceremony provided us with extra memories, a chance to bring everyone together, and a platform for us to express our love and commitment to each other in front of our loved ones. For us it was about love. But I will admit that the other benefits are nice as well. But if marriage isn't your cup of tea that's fine too. I think you should live your life in the manner you see fit and live your love life as such also. Every individual and relationship is different, so if you want to get married than great. Don't want to get married but still live together as a couple, that's also great.
There should be no financial benefits to marriage, that's another thing that's always annoyed me! Why on Earth should people willing to marry get financial perks above and beyond single people!!!!!!! That is purely an obsolete historical application of religious beliefs. If anything singles should get more tax breaks since we have to pay everything by ourselves instead of sharing a house, car, food with someone else! As far as healthcare, singles need more breaks than married people too... we don't have a significant other to help us out with transportation, home management, visits, therapy assistance. These perks yank my chain to no end!
As for legalities of hospitalisation and death, EVERYBODY should have a detailed living will if they desire their significant others to have more rights than their parents and siblings. People should not take such things for granted. :(
IMO these issues are mere rationalisations of marriage. People marrying for perks, how sad :(
I agree the perks shouldn't decide marriage for anyone. For us they were fringe benefits that we didn't even think about until after. I agree that it really doesn't seem fair that the breaks are distributed in the fashion they are.
Yes, EVERYONE should have a detailed living will. Sadly there are many who don't. So in those situations we could see in hindsight that marriage could have helped. But this really should be a non issue, as people should plan for such events.
Desirai , you do everything religious people do exept for the cere,onies !!!
hmmm omit the ceremonies and the left is fun !
so , just have fun and enjoy the moment !!!
My girlfriend and I are are both atheists and are getting married in June. To give you an idea what we are doing: Our wedding is going to be outside at her uncles, officiated by a government official. We decided a semi-formal dress code too, her in a dress and I will have dress pants, shirt, tie and jacket. We wrote our own vows mostly on enjoying life's rich experiences together.
Your last sentence shows the essence of the problem. I got married as an atheist and it was not in a church. My reason for doing this was that I wanted to show that I was committed to her. Both of us considered it a lifetime commitment evidenced within the legal framework.
We lived together for many years prior to this decision and just decided to make it formal. Nothing really changed for us. Our friends and family knew that we were a couple. In our case we got married and then shared this with everybody afterwords. It was a 'no frills' commitment.
While I do not expect that other atheists would do the same thing, I do appreciate that some may want to celebrate this formal commitment with all the bells and whistles. This does not mean that one should do it in a church setting but one could always have a secular celebration at a great location letting everybody know the expected dress code. There is certainly not a lot of secular ceremonies to draw on. Planning this occasion will be very special.
I would say that that you should go for it