I've been an Atheist since pretty well forever and up until now, the idea of everyone dying and there being nothing didn't really mean a whole lot to me. I just felt like it made life a lot more special, which is definitely does. But I recently started falling for someone, hard, and now that I really think about it, the idea of losing that person in death is so hard to accept. That you could love someone and lose them and that's it, you never get to see them again.. It really does bring me fear to open up to people, because I don't want to have to lose them eventually, which is inevitable. How do you guys deal with that idea? Does anyone have a way of coping or thinking positively about the loss of the people you love for, potentially, ever? 

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Hi Stephanie

"it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"physicists may tell you that nothing is really "lost" to the universe .but I'm not a physicist and i personally don't think that's helpful. my advice would be to go with flow, life has its highs and lows.Enjoy the highs. When a "low" hits use reason and logic and remember that grief is part of being human and that that itself is a process.I would cross that bridge when you get to it and not before. Fantasies always appear bigger than reality.Enjoy the love you have and don't be afraid of the love you feel.



Remember, talk to others about them and give it time. After a while it doesn't take up most of your thoughts. Not that it ever goes away completely.

That is the truth and no amount of bullshit like them being in a better place is going to make you feel any better.

Those replies were very comforting...

For someone who believes only in biological terms, this is it. What you are feeling is just feelings. Do what ever makes them less apparent. What if that was religion? It shouldn't matter because, if there is no higher power, then even the belief in that higher power is a reflection of biology. 

So what then are you looking for? A beautiful lie?


I'm confused what are asking or trying to say? In the first part your statements and questions are kind of blended together.

You could always die first.

LOL - Yes, that is always the best solution.

Have you yet accepted your own mortality?  If so, then you're not losing people forever. 

I've sadly lost many people who were very close to me (and close in age even).  I considered myself religious at the time, and the idea of heaven didn't help me any - I wanted them back, here and now, not in heaven.  The first time that a friend died was a huge slap in the face.  I realized, "I'm young, and I can die."  That being said, those people influenced me, and a small part of the world, and that world went on.  Losing them was sad, devastating even, and yet the world went on.  I'd have you committed if you thought of losing a loved one as a positive event, religious or not.  It's sad, you cry, you need time alone, and yet the world goes on.  If I lost my love tomorrow, I'd be floored, but my family and friends would catch me.  I'd learn to live differently, as I have in the past, and the world would go on.  One day, I'll die, and my friends and family will grieve, and the world will go on.  I know I'm getting repetitive and maybe it's hard if you haven't been through loss, but I find value and comfort in the thought.  It's happened millions and millions of times over and there are still people and creatures here who think and feel and love.

The next time you're with this one you love and you're having a moment of joy/bliss, ask yourself "Isn't this enough? Just this (moment)?  Just this beautiful, complex, Wonderfully unfathomable (moment)?" (thanks Tim Minchin in Storm).  Point is, don't let the fear of what's to come take you away from what is.  Treasure it, and every moment to come from there.  I do.  Sure it will end, one day, but I've had and will have some wonderful moments, and that's enough for me.




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