how firm are you... a holiday inspired question
So today I once again sat in a chair and flipped thru some apps on my phone as my family, extended included, all clenched hands and talked to their lord.
I was a bible thumping christian about 13 years ago. it took about 3 years to grow out of it and admit atheism to everyone. i was 20 years old. i am the only one in the family. ONLY.
only in the past year have i decided not to hold hands, not to close my eyes and not to pretend to be a part of their pre-dinner ritual. it took a decade to make that move. man they hate it. my father, who isnt even a church goer shakes his head at me. my aunt always makes a point to say something later about how i will grow out of it. they hate it. ive told them that i will trade back and forth. one year we pray, one year we dont. no dice.
am i just being an a#$hole or am i doing the right thing? are any of you taking the same route? what has been the backlash? i am trying to be an example.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Reggie on -
Richard Dawkins has no problem with saying grace. Here is his explanation.
At a lunch party I was placed next to a well-known female rabbi, now ennobled. She asked me, somewhat belligerently, whether I said grace when it was my turn to do so at High Table dinner in my Oxford college. "Yes," I replied, "Out of simple good manners and respect for the medieval traditions of my college." She attacked me for hypocrisy, and was not amused when I quoted the great philosopher A J (Freddy) Ayer, who also was quite happy to recite the grace at the same college when he chanced to be Senior Fellow: "I will not utter falsehoods", said Freddy genially, "But I have no objection to making meaningless statements."
Humor was lost on this rabbi, so I tried to see if a serious explanation would go over any better. "To you, Rabbi, imprecations to God are meaningful, and therefore cannot sincerely come from an atheist. To me, 'Benedictus benedicat' is as empty and meaningless as 'Lord love a duck' or 'Stone the crows.' Just as I don't seriously expect anybody to respond to my words by hurling rocks at innocent corvids, so it is a matter of blissful indifference to me whether I invoke the mealtime blessings of a non-existent deity or not. Non-existent is the operative phrase. In the convivial atmosphere of a college dinner, I cheerfully take the road of good manners and refrain from calling ostentatious attention to my unbelief - an unbelief, by the way, which is shared by most of my colleagues, and they too are quite happy to fall in with tradition." Once again, the rabbi didn't get it.
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Permalink Reply by Fark Off on -
I don't join in prayers either. I tend to look at my husband (who is also atheist) and smile knowingly. Last weekend we went to visit his parents, and his father said a prayer I hadn't heard since I was a child. "God is great, God is good, and we thank Him for this food. Amen." I must admit that I chortled a bit at this, I just couldn't help it. So, the smile at my husband has been replaced by a smirk.
I try to be respectful of people's beliefs and need for ritual, but this was just over the top.
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Permalink Reply by Gaytor on -
I've always felt out of place, even at a wedding, and I've been not partaking in prayer since I was 10 or 11. I don't know that I'll ever be comfortable with it. When you do it you are really standing out and making a statement. On the other hand, if you were to see a Christian visit the Wailing Wall are they going to join in with the Jews? in order to "respect" the others? Are they going to join in with Muslims during the daily prayers if they were in a Muslim Household? They'd be violating the First Commandment and parts of the Bible that say don't allow anything to be added or taken away from this book mind you.
I'm afraid I'm not a family peace guy. I would argue that I get the respect that I deserve from it too. If my aunt were to suggest that I'd grow out of who I am, she's quickly hear, "unlike you and that dress, I will not grow out of who I am." The reasoning is don't volley a bomb and not expect one back. She would be insulted if you suggested that she was really a non-believer because she doesn't believe that snakes can talk but have chosen not to. So why does she get more courtesy than you? To be fair in my assessment, I'm clearly open to being an asshole when I feel the urge. Your aunt's statement does it for me and I'm guessing it does the same for you since you mentioned it. Just remember that there are consequences for handling it like I would.
A more in your face but polite way to put it back to your aunt would be with a passage. Biblical passages do a wonderful job of shutting people up in a group. 2 John 1:10 "If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take him into your house or welcome him." Follow that up with, "Are you ready to follow your faith and kick me out?" It's not her house, she can't do anything except apologize or look like the asshole. It shows the pretend commitment of Christians. Keep up the good fight for equality!
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