Personally, I found the "why did I do that?" question only useful if it helps convince myself not to do it again. Self-analysis has its limits. First question is how do I avoid the self-destructive behavior. If you need to know why you did it (I had a long, long list), get an objective person, whether professional or not, to talk it out with you. Otherwise, just say "OK, I did something stupid there" and move on. Even geniuses do stupid things occasionally; why should you and I expect to be perfect?
they don't know how to walk away. I blame Christianity for teaching women to be submissive.
Christianity teaches forgiveness. Which is good sometimes. But Christianity teaches that forgiveness is ALWAYS right and that ANYONE can be saved, and radically transformed by the blood of Christ. All Mr. Liar has to do is say the right magic Christian words, and the woman just has to accept that he's changed, even when nothing's different at all.
And Disney? They're always doing that thing where the woman stays with the man even though she doesn't like him or he's a jerk, and she's able to change him in the end. Beauty and the Beast is notorious for this.
It sounds like you're being smart about this, and keeping him at arm's length. One thing to remember is, if you don't know how he got inside your head, if you don't know what it was that gave him such power over you, are you sure he won't do it again?
Maybe he was legit with you all along. It sounds like you fell in love with him. Maybe on this occasion he wasn't abusing a woman, but he has (as you say) famous powers of charm and magnetism.
I have no more to add at this point other than to say you seem to be very self-aware and seeing things more clearly than you might realise. You said so yourself:
It's more that I am trying to understand my own psyche better. I didn't realize this until after I wrote the original post, through self-reflection.
Walking through it yourself in as a free thinker while taking the honest and direct advice from others in this post to benchmark your own progress is the way to do it.
Glad to hear it Belle!