How could i raise a child secular when my girlfriend wants him/her to be religious?
My girlfriend and i are planning getting married some time in the future, she consider herself christian while i'm a open atheist, but not vocal about it. Obviously, how we'll raise our children has been a topic of discussion; while we agree on the most part, she wants him/her to be a christian from day 1 while i want him/her to decide for him/her self when the time is right be it any religion or none at all.
I'm the only non-religious and anti-religious from both sides of the family, i sometimes think there will be a war over my children's mind and i don't want them to live through that or see their family waging over fables.
What would be the best course of action?
Tags: children, parenting, secularism
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Adam on -
Sometimes love conquers all, as love has no boundaries of religion, sex, race, politics or any other creed
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Permalink Reply by Cesar on -
Because she's not strongly religious, she doesn't go to church, she doesn't read the bible, she has never did any church service by her own initiave. She's very logical and science minded. The only "religious" thing she does is saying phrases like "if god wills..", "thanks to god...", and the like, that she starting using because i started showing her the issues with christianity. As a side note, she almost break up with me for that, twice.
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Permalink Reply by jared manley on -
"Taboo" topics...
I remember pointing out some of the inconsistencies in the bible to a friend who was raised christian but was no longer. He became visibly angry and told me we had to stop talking about it. I asked if he were ok and he stepped out for some fresh air. He came back in and apologized. Saying "I don't know why I got so mad but, I don't want to talk about it anymore."
This guy use to be christian but what he didn't realize is that religion had ingrained in him that questioning faith/religion is taboo. People on the fence tend to fall back onto the familiar side and become defensive as well.
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Permalink Reply by RobertPiano on -
Before I lost my faith completely, I wavered for a long time. My wife came home one day and announced she had had a calling to serve god in some way. That really upset me. More than I ever could imagine. As she was spewing biblical nonsense I remember thinking "Who is this person and what happened to my wife". True we had been drifting apart. Maybe this was a last ditch effort on her part, I don't know. I fell out of love. We were divorced less than a year later.
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Permalink Reply by Dan Ashton Lloyd on -
Sorry you went threw that but I think that is a very good story to share.
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Permalink Reply by Danielle Van Eeckaute on -
Sorry to hear, but, was she very religious when you got married to her ? Did you see something like that coming or did she got involved with some kind of opus dei secte ? I do understand however how a complete character change like that could break up a relation.
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Permalink Reply by RobertPiano on
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She was quasi-religious. We were both raised Catholic and even though she had had enough of that craziness she would periodically go investigating different religions and churches. I was headed in the other direction, already being agnostic. She did have some tragedy in the family. I was there for her, but it wasn't enough. I offered no supernatural solace. I think that is what really set her off. I hear this is very common.
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Sutton on -
At the end you both two different people, but if you are a happier person now.
Some religious people can live their lives & never discuss their faith with others, I guess that's how atheists & religious people can live under the same roof. I personally would find it difficult, but that's just me.
In the author if this discussion finds what he is looking for, & not more confusion.
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Permalink Reply by Cesar on
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I'm sorry that happened to you, i sometimes fear that could happen to us.
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Permalink Reply by Jimmy Russell on -
First off, I don't see how having or not having children at the current moment should have any bearing on whether a person could comment on this topic and have that opinion be worthwhile. I have no children but I have many friends who do, and I've been able to observe many things from the outside without a bias. Not to mention I was a child at one time...
That all being said, how can indoctrination of either be avoided at the same time? Doesn't the ommision of teaching there is a god pretty much equal teaching to be an atheist? And if a small child were to ask, "daddy, is there a god and a heaven?". And you reply, "well I don't believe there is based on the evidence I have to study", then won't most children emulate their parents as most children tend to do?
Personally, I think you should try and convince your religeous spouse to be an atheist. Or maybe try and move the world, whichever is easier...
My child will be raised as it was born, an atheist. I see no reason to put in their head the idea of deities just appease anyone else or for a feel good moment.
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Permalink Reply by Dan Ashton Lloyd on
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Brilliant and funny.
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Permalink Reply by Cesar on
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I tried switching her, we almost break up twice. She tried switching me, she stopped going to church both with me and by herself.
While i would like my child to be an atheist, and a vocal one unlike his father, i would be more satisfied if he/she makes that decision on his/her because blindly following authority (be it the parents, etc.) is another thing i despite.
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