Look at what L. Ron Hubbard did. People will line up to read the most obviously specious crap. I understand why Americans become Christian. They grow up with it and simply absorb it. But why in the world does someone decide to become a Scientologist. This is a religion whose innermost secrets are rather obviously the invention of a sci fi author. And guess who that might be?

I'm sure Scientology made LRH a bundle and right now I'd like to get off my Top Ramen and chili dog diet and ride around in a stretch limo with a champagne bar and a cadre of bodyguards and a bevy (whatever that is) of 20 year old porn actresses. That would be when I'm not in international waters in my 400 ft yacht.

To get there, I need to invent a religion even more outrageous than Scientology. 

What should its core beliefs be? Is it possible to outdo LRH?

Tags: hubbard, religion, scientology

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bev·y
 
noun
noun: bevy; plural noun: bevies
  1. 1.
    a large group of people or things of a particular kind.
    "he was surrounded by a bevy of beautiful girls"

What about the Albino Giraffe in a wheelchair from the planet Zorg-Zorg. He's a semi-god that visits earth every 1000 years and drops off a holy book to create greater confusion and irrationality on earth. You can help his cause by sending Davis Goodman all your money via his swiss bank account!

Nice.

You start your own fucking religion.

I kinda like the idea of Davis paying for everything...Hey Davis I need a new Lamborghini to help spread the word...just transfer the money to my Swiss bank account. :D

Hey Unseen,

Here are some ideas for your new religion:

1) Become a radical offshoot of Pastafarianism. Declare war on them. Suggest that there has been a new prophet who will some day top the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

2) What happens when devil worship meets Dianetics? Thetanism of course! Be a Thetanist and worship Thetan. All doctrine is spelled and read with a lisp too!

3) Perhaps a photo negative of Christianity. Every person is actually a God, and God is actually just some dude.

So, the FSM would basically play the John The Baptist role. 

No actual referenced to Scientology, please.

I wanted to find a place for the "Glory isn;t a demon. She's a god!" line, but couldn't (lets' see how many get the reference).

Did that come from Apocalypse Now?  It sounds like something that would have come from that movie.

No, it's from the Buffy The Vampire Slayer TV series. Up til this part of the series, Buffy has only had to face vampires and demons, but for the first time she has to fight a god in human form. A glamorous spoiled and self-centered deity named Glory. That phrase is delivered by the head of the Slayer Watchers Society when Buffy asks "What kind of demon is Glory?"

HEEEEYYY now. If pastafarianism isn't the One True Religion, then why are all the planets meatball shaped?

Damn, that's good.

+1!

And someday string theory will be known as noodle theory!

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