Help... I'm At A Breaking Point for My Sanity

This is just a rant in order to let off some steam and some things may not correlate in topic.

Guys, I don't know why but as graduation has been treading closer, my fears and worries have grown stronger. I've taken 2 AP tests that were $89 each which I'm sure I failed due to lack of motivation and preparation and I have my history one on the Wednesday coming up. Today, my mom asked me if I was happy or if I felt weird at school and I lied right in her face about me being miserable.  I'm mostly alone when it comes to being an atheist and queer and there seems like there's no place to go. I also regret that I haven't been able to establish any lasting relationships but at the same time I don't really click with anyone at school. My parents make it worse by reminding me of all of the things I could've done in high school and I'm jumping blindly into college not really knowing what to expect out of it. I also worry if I'll ever get a boyfriend as well as being able to be comfortable in public and especially around family. There are also fears and insecurities concerning m current appearance (I'm not happy because I don't look the way I feel I should due to my own preferences). I also feel insecure when I'm around people who are gay because I have a feeling that  other people will give me weird looks for not being bothered while around them. It's all so conflicting and it's driving me crazy! I'm depressed, miserable, and have been having thoughts of hurting myself.

Any advice is appreciated even though, I know that I will not follow that advice because I'm too afraid to. I really feel like I'm the sappy one in the Think Atheist groups because I always write about negative things and I'm sorry for that.

I don't care if anyone replies or not but I just had to put this out there even though it's still much appreciated if you do.

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I suppose to some people it seems immoral, and I can see their point.  For the religious it's like chucking the gift of life back in God's face.  For anybody at all, it can seem very selfish. 

However I agree with you that each person owns their own life and has the right to decide when to end it.  I also think that nobody has the right to judge another person's pain.  Ultimately though I think that most suicides would "live" to regret it (if they had the chance). 

Oh snap!

First of all, don't you think about hurting yourself! Unless this includes tattoos, piercings and other things along those lines!:)

I'm sure we've all been the "black sheep" or the "ugly duckling" sometime, somewhere in a group of people. Who the hell do you have to impress? Yourself, that's it.

If you don't appreciate the way your body is or how you look...change it. Complaining does nothing but actions do!

What exactly is the issue you're having with self image? It all starts from there. You need to look at your position like a tree..well, the life of a tree I suppose.

Maybe not because idiots are chopping trees down now days.... You get the point! Lol

You're just a seed right now. You're in an unfamiliar area with unfamiliar faces and you're putting way too much pressure on your shoulders. College is expensive, hence as to why my butt is working instead of putting my money into school.

You need to grow and become comfortable in yourself before you can become successful at anything! This means a job, relationship, friendships, etc...

Don't judge yourself. Enough people do that for you. Keep in mind, they worry that you're judging them also. If you're a man, who is into other men, then be into other men and tell people who don't like it to stop their ignorance and suck it.. don't do that literally but again, you get the point.

Afraid of confrontation or judgment? Try online dating or if you want friends...try

I met my fiance there :)

Need advice further? Let me know. I get bored and I love to help people. Shit, I'm a professional caregiver... Ironically.
You're absolutely welcome :)
You're welcome for the book lol


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