I'm wondering something...

So for those of you who have previously believed (I mean really believed) in God, how long does the guilt last after you no longer do? You know what I mean right? That guilt feeling that the decisions you are making are suddenly "against God's will..."

I have an example in my own life that I'm willing to share as a jumping off point but don't let this derail the thread into something else...I want to know about "GUILT" specifically...there are TONS of other examples but this one is perhaps the one that's driving me nuts the most...

My example: I got a divorce. I left my marriage that was already broken. I'm moving on with my life...

I have a lot of internal thoughts about things like, "God hates divorce..." or "If he decides he wants to reconcile it is God's will to do so." or "marriage is a commitment before God."

These guilty feelings have not prevented me from starting a new life. I am attending a support group, and I'm taking really really good care of myself for a change instead of catering to the needs of a person who does not respect me. Now that he sees how well I'm doing by myself I can see that HIS abusive tactics are changing and he's trying to reel me in to go back to him. I'm not stupid. If I were stupid enough to go back to his ass he would be "nice" for about a week until the next abusive go-around. So NO I'm not going back to my ex-husband. But I feel guilty because of the internal conflict that I've recently figured out goes back to my former views on marriage, commitment, and how the Bible says that if a spouse wants to reconcile you should do so...when research clearly indicates that an abusive person doesn't change overnight if ever at all unless there is professional and intense intervention. So I'm choosing between the research, vs. the Bible...the research wins. But my guilty conscience is driving me fucking NUTS!!! Those crazy voices inside my head are not going away and I want it to just STOP already!! It's frustrating!!!!! Not to mention confusing.

I think I'm doing everything right to be able to move on. My heart has moved on and I am no longer the same person I was when I was married to him. But the guilt I have towards "God" for becoming a divorcee is driving me fucking crazy. 

When does it get better? How long? 

Make it stop please!!!! I wish somebody could.

Views: 945

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

For me, I don't think I ever really 'believed', but got all hung-up on 'decidability issues'. Being surrounded by believers, wana believers, and opportunistic-neo-believers, etc, just teasing all the crap out to find a signal was my lifetime quest. At some point I just seemed to wander out of the 'fog of belief', got a breath of fresh air and noticed that the horizon was a little further away. A little like, 'Ok, its Christ's birthday, so what!' 

At some point I just seemed to wander out of the 'fog of belief', got a breath of fresh air and noticed that the horizon was a little further away. A little like, 'Ok, its Christ's birthday, so what!' 

I've had a few of those moments! LOL...it's like, "wait a minute.....I used to think this and it does not make sense! Not only does it not make sense...I can see how it hindered me from doing XYZ...." WHAT A CONCEPT!!! 

It sure is a journey my friend!

Belle, in many ways your brain is like a computer. Things you delete may still be around until they are finally overwritten by new information or experiences.

A new relationship, or great hardship, or if you are lucky and have great fortune, will change your brain state so that your guilt is less and less an issue.

When I spend too much time in my own head, I make sure that part of my week includes activity that requires my FULL attention. (Climbing is my favorite). When survival depends on your moment by moment decisions, your thoughts inevitably come clear.

When I spend too much time in my own head, I make sure that part of my week includes activity that requires my FULL attention.

SO TRUE! I'm learning new things and it helps ease the pain and also is allowing me to meet new women/moms and it's so healing!!

These guilty feelings have not prevented me from starting a new life. I am attending a support group, and I'm taking really really good care of myself for a change instead of catering to the needs of a person who does not respect me. Now that he sees how well I'm doing by myself I can see that HIS abusive tactics are changing and he's trying to reel me in to go back to him.

You're recovering from an abusive relationship, realizing your own self-worth, and seeing through your ex-husband's latest attempt to manipulate and control you: all signs of a personal victory for you.

I'm not stupid. If I were stupid enough to go back to his ass he would be "nice" for about a week until the next abusive go-around. So NO I'm not going back to my ex-husband. But I feel guilty because of the internal conflict that I've recently figured out goes back to my former views on marriage, commitment, and how the Bible says that if a spouse wants to reconcile you should do so...when research clearly indicates that an abusive person doesn't change overnight if ever at all unless there is professional and intense intervention. So I'm choosing between the research, vs. the Bible...the research wins.

These are the words of an intelligent mind, having made an informed decision. You've done your homework, you know what the science says, and you're not accepting anything less. 

But my guilty conscience is driving me fucking NUTS!!! Those crazy voices inside my head are not going away and I want it to just STOP already!! It's frustrating!!!!! Not to mention confusing. I think I'm doing everything right to be able to move on. My heart has moved on and I am no longer the same person I was when I was married to him. But the guilt I have towards "God" for becoming a divorcee is driving me fucking crazy.

Guilt is rooted in the notion that you did something you should not have done. Yet your intellect knows this does not apply here: you helped yourself, you saved yourself, which is exactly what you should have done

Acknowledge the guilt, but recognize it for what it is: false guilt.

It's real guilt in that you FEEL it-- like the pain the lingers when a limb is amputated-- so you suffer and it prevents you from fully enjoying the positive changes you made. But the reasons for the guilt don't exist: they are an illusion.

Rather than try to avoid the feeling, let yourself feel it, and focus on the truth: you feel guilty, but it is false guilt-- a type of emotional trauma-- and you are not guilty of anything for divorcing and staying divorced from your abusive ex-husband.

Thank you Gallup: As usual, I resonate with every word you just said and I appreciate it. Thank you.

Belle,

Unfortunately it is not like flipping a lite switch on and off. You now have the necessary foundation to move forward with your new reasoned perspective on life. The nagging feelings of guilt WILL eventually subside. Your transformation is analogous to the Colorado River cutting it's way into the surrounding rock cliffs of the Grand Canyon. Little by little the water washes away minute particles each day, week, month, year, decade, on and on.  Time will be your friend, trust me. 

You're doing well adjusting to your new lifestyle so hang in there. Peace.

Your transformation is analogous to the Colorado River cutting it's way into the surrounding rock cliffs of the Grand Canyon. Little by little the water washes away minute particles each day, week, month, year, decade, on and on.  Time will be your friend, trust me. 

I LIKE this analogy! Thanks Ed!

Hi Belle,

I have a question for you.  Imagine someone came to you, perhaps in your imaginary professional capacity, and asked you this very question.  What would you say to them?  How would you provide comfort?

I very much like this empathetic approach, and it has been effective for me. The role playing mellows out the guilt, and often actually becomes real enough one day to help someone else.

Yes.  Very good question. 

I have a question for you.  Imagine someone came to you, perhaps in your imaginary professional capacity, and asked you this very question.  What would you say to them?  How would you provide comfort?

I suppose I never thought of it that way....hmmmm. I can't honestly answer that right now. I know what people have said is very reassuring/comforting, but I'm just not there to where I can see this outside myself yet....yet.

RSS

Support T|A

Think Atheist is 100% member supported

All proceeds go to keeping Think Atheist online.

Donate with Dogecoin

Members

Forum

Things you hate.

Started by Devlin Cuite in Small Talk. Last reply by Devlin Cuite 1 hour ago. 111 Replies

Videos

  • Add Videos
  • View All

Services we love

We are in love with our Amazon

Book Store!

Gadget Nerd? Check out Giz Gad!

Into life hacks? Check out LabMinions.com

Advertise with ThinkAtheist.com

© 2014   Created by Dan.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service