Since we have some theists throwing out challenges to the validity of the bible thought i would bring up my favorite bible fun quotes

 

Genesis 4.

 

The full text can be found here

 

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+4&version=NIV

 

It starts off with Adam and Eve outside the garden after they are condemned to multiply.

 

Which they immediately do and bear 2 sons. Cain and Abel

 

Now the fun part begins. Cain kills Abel and god punishes him to wander the earth.

 

 13 Cain said to the LORD, “My punishment is more than I can bear. 14 Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”

 15 But the LORD said to him, “Not so[e]; anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him. 16 So Cain went out from the LORD’s presence and lived in the land of Nod,[f] east of Eden.

 

Now a few weird things get mentioned. Keep in mind at this point there were 4 people on earth now there are 3 as Abel is dead. Who is Cain worried will kill him while he is wandering? Where did the land of Nod come from? Why did god need to mark Cain? His parents know who he is.

 

So the next part of the story

 

17 Cain made love to his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch. Cain was then building a city, and he named it after his son Enoch. 18 To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad was the father of Mehujael, and Mehujael was the father of Methushael, and Methushael was the father of Lamech.

 

Where did Cains wife come from? Its not his sister because Adam and Eve dont procreate again until verse 25

25 Adam made love to his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth,[h] saying, “God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.” 26 Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh

 

 

So thoughts? especially theists please.

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i can has cheeseburger?
No cheezeburger for you...

This same incestous genetic stumbling block happens again later after the flood myth. All dead but 8, five of which are directly related. Did Noah, his wife and 3 sons and their wives produce all the peoples and races the second time after the first genetic tree stump of Adam and Eve? Where do "other" people come from? Both times even if they have boys and girls to (re)populate the earth- one generation and the family tree never branches. Even if we accept the incest- where does all the physical differences (i.e. skin color- to be obvious) come from?

 

I'd like you to meet my wife and sister....And there's only one girl standing there.

Now you're just being silly.  Faith my child...faith.  >.<
That and Noah lived for 950 years. Loads and loads of faith!

And loads and loads of procreating. How do you think we got the billions of people we have today?

We have billions of people now thanks to cures for diseases & sicknesses, an increased consciousness of nutrition, and the body adapting over a long period of time to our surroundings. I'm sure there are other factors I missed, but I'm certain it wasn't because Noah had sex with one or several women throughout his time on Earth of 950 years.  

Science, bitches, it works!

Considering the rate of women dying in child birth was quite high back then, i'm surprised that Noah or his pals didn't accidently kill off the entire female sex by trying to procreate a little too much. That would be kind of a buzz kill

From the morals shown in the rest of the bible....do you really think that would stop them?

It’s obvious… Cain’s wife was Eve. He married and screwed his mother. What else are we supposed to believe when there is only one woman in existence?

 

I’m also skeptical that Eve was a woman to begin with. If we take into account that she was created using Adam’s rib, then their genetic information should be identical (which is coded for gender as well)…otherwise, why go through the trouble of using the rib? “Woman” is just an arbitrary label given to this new companion.

 

Is this story where the phrase "Go fuck yourself" originated? Didnt god essentially command it of Adam?

God creates Woman: The Play

*  God and Adam in the Garden of Eden.

God: I shall create for you a wife

Adam: Yay! What's a wife?

God: Don't interupt me! I shall require one of your ribs.

Adam: Why? You just created everything. Why would you need a template?

God: Shut up!

God steals rib from non-consenting Adam and creates woman. The average IQ of creation has doubled.

Adam: Yay! A wife! What do I do with a wife?

God: You procreate.

Adam: But since you created a wife for me from a piece of me, doesn't that make my wife also me? And will you not make a law against this in the future? And will our children not have to interbreed thus making recessive alleles more common? And will this not be incest?

God is stunned by the first logic every not recorded.

God: Go fuck yourself!

 

After all, "go forth and multiply is basically a world wide order to masterbate.

Hahahaha! Nice! Where did you find that?

 

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